The Colour of Hope

Now that the DIY shops are open again, Philippa is desperate to decorate. She’s downloaded a virtual paint chart and keeps waving it under my nose. It’s weird. None of the names even sound like colours. I guess they used all the obvious names already and now they’re having to find more and more elaborate ways to describe their shades and hues. I’m so confused. In the good old days, it was obvious what they meant by ‘Canary Yellow’ but when Philippa asks me ‘does Mountain Mist sound good for the bathroom?’ I don’t know what kind of colour I’m considering. Mountains can be covered in snow, or full of trees, and exist in both daytime and night, so Mountain Mist could be green, grey, white, black or blue.

My suspicion is that they employ people to come up with random two-word names that sound roughly painty and then apply them to whatever colour mix fits closest.

Sounds like a job I could do – so I’ve made up a few of my own:

RORY’S LIST OF PAINT NAMES:

PROSTATE DISCHARGE

MELANCHOLY MELON

SCARECROW DREAMS

IMITATION AUBERGINE

DARK ICE

KILIMANJARO TANGO

HALF NELSON

JUXTAPOSITION OVERSIGHT

HALLOWE’EN ROOFTILE

TESTICLE ROPEBURN

SPRINGTIME SATURATION

FLAT-TOP GUINEA-PIG

HANGOVER AFTERTHOUGHT

READY ROLLER

UNKNOWN BATTERY

QUINOA HATSTAND

YO YO

RC 16-5-20