end of year reflections

Is it possible, I wonder, to reach the last day of a year without finding yourself casting an eye backwards over the previous 12 months? 
It's not easy for me, because this blog is the closest thing I have to a diary, and I try not to read back over things I've posted for fear of finding myself out to be a twat. So sitting here with a slight hangover it's hard to remember much of what's happened throughout 2013. I feel a bit narky about it as well because I'm becoming aware that my 30th birthday is screaming up towards me at high speed, so the temptation to look at myself and my life and think "Where am I? What have I done? Did I REALLY expect to be working in a supermarket as I entered my 30s?" is looming large. 
As regular readers know, I am prone to melancholic musings at the best of times. But I can't imagine you want to end the year hearing me moan on about my worklife and lack of accomplishments yet again, so I shall instead say HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE and conclude with a list of POSITIVE THINGS in my life on this date - 31st December 2013: 

I am not lying in a hospital bed with a brain injury, like Michael Schumacher. 
I am not lying in a pool of my own alcohol-induced piss and vomit, like my mother probably is. 
I am not unemployed like many of the people my age in this country. 
I have a fiancee who, for some reason, seems committed to me despite my constant subconcious attempts to sabotage our relationship. 
I am living in a beautiful little house that I don't have to pay for. 
I have two sisters that I am closer to than ever before, and both live fairly close and both are doing really well. 
I am not Jamie Oliver

RC 31-12-13

That went well... up to a point

Philippa and I met for lunch today and it was lovely. When we got home I made her a cup of tea and then sat her down on the sofa and poured my heart out. I spoke for ages about being sorry and about wanting to be a better partner and about it being a shame that we had a row so soon after a wonderful Christmas and about really wanting to make it up to her. I ended by saying ‘what do you want me to do?’
And she said “I want you to marry me”

Then we argued some more….

RC 30-12-13

So much for Christmas cheer

Philippa and I had a blazing, full-on, no-holds-barred, stand-up, face-to-face, screaming row last night. I don’t think we’ve ever been so ferocious with each other before. Normally I back down and back away or she goes quiet until I’ve calmed a bit. But last night we just kept on and on. I think it’s because we were both drunk. That doesn’t happen often and I think it was a bad idea. Arguments fuelled by alcohol are always the worst ones. I can’t even remember what it was about and I can’t even remember what was said, but it was bad enough for Philippa to get up early today and bugger off to spend the day with Sally.
I guess I’ll have to contact her and apologise. In fact, I WANT to contact her and apologise. I can’t even remember what I’m apologising for, but I think it’s best if I do it.
This house isn’t quite so lovely when you’re in it alone and hungover.

RC 29-12-13

Mince pies and stollen; etc

Christmas has been overwhelming me, and I’ve neglected you. 
But I am settled in a gorgeous house with a gorgeous fiancee and I am all set for Yuletide fun and frolics!

I wish you all a very, very happy, joyous festive season, and I look forward to conversing with you again once Santa is happily back at the Pole and the bins of the country are full of wrapping paper and turkey carcasses.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!

RC 23-12-13

Back on the up..

I feel all festive and happy again today. Funny what a difference 24 hours can make. Or, to put it more accurately, funny what a difference an afternoon spent skiving in the manager’s office while pretending to process orders can make…
I have finished my Christmas shopping! I have planned my Yuletide TV schedule (including what needs to be recorded for later viewing) I have reserved some special port and wine and cheese that I can collect and take home on Christmas Eve, and I have sent several nice e-mails off to people I will not be seeing over Festivetime. AND I processed all those orders, so poo to you if you think I’ve been lazy!

RC 19-12-13

Make it stop

Working in a supermarket environment for the past few years has taught me one very important lesson - Christmas makes people hate each other. 
Men hate their wives for dragging them round the shops.
Women hate men for not being happy to push a trolley around and then pay for stuff they don’t want.
Children hate their parents for dragging them round the shops when they really want to be bouncing off the walls at home.
Parents hate their children for being excited at the most exciting time of year to be a child.
And I just hate everybody.

Yes - it’s been a bad day at work. Busy, under-staffed, too reliant on temporary employees who couldn’t give a fig either way, and all of it backed by the incessant nerve-shredding drawl of horrible Christmas ditties that we’ve polluting the air with since mid-November.
If I haven’t found a new job by this time next year, then I’m booking the whole of Christmas as holiday.
Either that, or I’ll be hanging myself with a string of 200 Multi-coloured Lantern Lights
(currently on offer in our festive aisle at £12.99) 
AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!

RC 18-12-13

New Year Challenge

I know it’s still two weeks away, but I’ve decided on a little Blog Challenge for me to aspire to during 2014.
I know I sometimes flit between ideas as the months go on, and I change my mind about things or alter them slightly depending on my mood, but I swear to you now - this is definite and decided and is in no way subject to change or adaptation anytime henceforth.
It is threefold:

Post exactly 19 posts every month (meaning a grand total of 228 posts)
Don’t moan about work in any blog postings
Avoid getting married

Okay the third one isn’t blog-related, but it’s still very important and something I’m determined to stick to throughout the year!

RC 17-12-13

10 days til Xmas Eve!

I have Christmas Day and Boxing Day off this year, but my penance is to have to stay at the store on Christmas Eve until about 11pm. Bastards. They give with one hand and they poke you in the pecker with the other. 
Sophie and Tamara are both work-heavy over the festive period too, so I guess our big family get-together will be held over til January. Philippa and I are having Christmas dinner at her mums, then joining a big crowd at Ted and Beryl’s on Boxing Day. The family have finally persuaded Beryl to stop planning huge Christmas dinners for the whole county, and to let other people fuss around her for a change. She reluctantly agreed, before then planning a huge buffet for a crowd of two dozen on Boxing Day. Old habits really do die hard I guess. And getting Beryl NOT to cater for a big Yuletide party would be like getting Michael Buble NOT to release an album in December. 
Bless her. 

RC 14-12-13

The Return of Haiku Friday

Friday the Thirteenth
Superstitious people fret
And nothing happens 

It’s almost Christmas
I’m both excited and scared
And I’m not sure why

Philippa’s present
Is vexing me to despair
WHAT SHOULD I GET HER?

On her Christmas list
Number one will be ‘WEDDING’ 
And probably ‘kids’

Not long til Christmas
Stand by for panic shopping
And heavy drinking

RC 13-12-13

Morning of piss; evening of bliss

Another shitty day at work today. But at least we have a nice house to come home to so the work stuff doesn’t seem so bad. 
Just for the record though - we had too many yoghurts delivered and all of them were Apricot; half the forklift drivers were off after their Christmas party last night, and I had to deal with a drunk tattooed pensioner who lost it coz we’d run out of Old Holborn. And that was all before 11am. 
I’m also having my annual mid-December meltdown about Christmas presents. I feel as if I have no clue what to get anybody and I keep having dreams where it’s 6am on the 25th and I realise I haven’t bought anything. I’m watching the days tick by and starting to get a bit panicky. I know it’ll all get done in the end, because it always does, but right now I’m wishing I was one of those people who got everything done in September so there wasn’t any last-minute worry. 
Still - as I type this I have a glass of red wine in my hand, a large gammon steak in my tummy, and a woman I love completely sitting on the sofa wearing my slippers, so maybe things ain’t so bad after all, eh?

RC 12-12-13

A little P.S.

I noticed after posting this evenings earlier blog that the date today is 11-12-13. I wondered to myself ‘when will the next time be that we can write the day-month-year in that way as three consecutive numbers?”
Answer = 1st February 2103!! (01-02-03)
So today something occurred that won’t happen again for 90 years!!
I like noticing things like that.
And I like sharing them with you even more. 
So now you know….

RC 11-12-13 (again)

The Willows is decorated!

We are enclosed in a little Yuletide haven.
This house is so snug, and cute, and cosy. We have tinsel hanging, a star in the window, and a beautifully decorated 3ft fake Christmas tree. I have never felt so festive or contented. In fact, I’m already planning how we can persuade the Dobsons to stay in Portugal forever so we never have to leave. 
This place is perfect.

RC 11-12-13

In

Hell, this house is impressive!
Small, compared to the last place, but beautifully maintained and in a gorgeous setting. The trees which give it it’s name help to shield the house from the road, so even though we’re less than ten minutes drive from the centre of Norwich, it feels secluded and as if we could be anywhere.

The first thing Philippa said when we arrived was “This house is too good for us”
I told her to shut her face and put the kettle on.
We’re in!!

RC 9-12-13

A change is as good as a blog

And so we stand ready to step forth into another new chapter of our existence! Another new place to live awaits. In the past month we’ve gone from David and Beckys to a Travelodge; from a Travelodge to Tunisia; from Tunisia to the spare room at Sally’s house, and now we’re off to The Willows. 
This nomadic lifestyle has a certain romantic element to it, but it will be nice to be settled in the one location for a while. 
And then in three months time we’ll be doing it all again! 
What a life!
I feel quite nervous tonight. I guess it’s because we haven’t been there yet so we’re not entirely sure what to expect. In a way the pressure’s off this time because The Dobsons have just buggered off and left us to it, so we can pretty much do what we like. As long as we leave the house exactly as we find it we’ve done our best and if they don’t like it - well tough, they should have left us some instructions. 

RC 7-12-13

Decorations a-go-go

I managed to steal some ‘damaged’ Blu-Tac today so we’re all set to decorate The Willows, and all free of charge!

I would write more but Philippa has just stepped out of the shower and she smells of lavender….

RC 5-12-13

3 weeks today = Xmas Eve!!

Philippa has come up with a quite brilliant idea. Instead of buying each other Christmas presents, why don’t we put the money away and have another holiday together in the Spring? She is a genius! Now I don’t have to spend hours trawling the internet and the ‘Ladies’ aisle at work, I can just chuck a few quid in a pot somewhere and leave it there until March! 
Hurrah! Result! Ker-Ching! Etcetera!
I’ve even said she can choose the destination, as it was my decision to send us to Tunisia last month. That way I have to make NO EFFORT WHATSOEVER, which is always my aim in any situation, and doubly so at Christmas.
If only Sophie and Tamara, Hannah and Nathan, Ted and Beryl, and everyone else I have to buy for could be so easy this needn’t be a stressful season at all. 

A quick haiku for you:

Why am I lazy?
Is it hereditary?
Am I bothered?

RC 3-12-13

AWFUL day at work. Just awful..

The New Year can’t come quick enough for me.  Head Office are determined to wring every last penny out of every poor pensioner in Britain; senior management are determined to achieve it with as little work for them as possible; and the likes of me are being expected to pick up the shortfall. God, they’re lazy. And so am I, which is probably why I resent them so much. They have my attitude, but with five or six grand extra a year to show for it.

Anyway, on a nicer note, I managed to accidentally acquire some stuff from the Christmas aisle so we can decorate The Willows when we move in. Philippa will have a full-on panic attack about it, but she doesn’t have to because I got the agency to check with the Dobsons and they’re fine with it, as long as we use Blu-Tac instead of drawing pins. 

RC 2-12-13

Yuletide ahoy!!

We spent all afternoon drinking wine and helping Sally decorate her house. Well it is the first of December! I‘ve never known for sure how early to put up Christmas decorations, so it’s nice to be staying with someone else and to have the decision taken for us! It was also nice to have something to do rather than sit around feeling disturbed by existing in the limbo between abodes.
I’ll feel better next week when we’re settling in to ‘The Willows’ It feels a bit stranger this time because we’re not meeting the owners before we move into their house. With David and Becky, we dealt with them directly and met them several times, but this time the Dobsons (for that is their name) are happy to do it all through the agency. They’ve used them before successfully and are pleased with our references so they want us to keep out of the way until they’re whizzing off to Portugal. 

Sally and her husband Josh are very nice. Most of Philippa’s family are very nice, to be honest. And there’s rather a lot of them as well. Is it still customary for the families of the bride and groom to sit on opposite sides of the aisle at a wedding? If we ever do get married, that church is going to be so lopsided it’ll probably tip right over and we’ll all end up in the graves. Another reason to postpone our wedding for as long as possible….

RC 1-12-13

December tomorrow? Really?

I know we’ve been away for some of the build-up, but do we really have to open our advent calendars tomorrow? Where the Hell did November go? Amazing how quickly time can pass when you’re busy getting ready for a house-move and then having a week on holiday. 
To avoid the countless pensioners who are already panic-buying peanuts I decided to sit in the office for some haiku:

Tunisian beach
I still have your sand on me
Maybe I should wash

December arrives
Time for crazy behaviour
In supermarkets

Advent tomorrow
A daily chocolate treat
And Christmas build-up

RC 30-11-13

Friday gloom

Back to work today.
All my enthusiasm and determination that I’d cultivated in the country of Tunisia disappeared within the first two hours.
My recharged batteries feel flattened again.

The best part of my day was laughing at the staff members who are taking part in Movember. Two of them look like camp cowboys, and most of the others have so little growth it barely constitutes a moustache at all. I made several disparaging comments and dropped 50p in the collection tin. I was then brought crashing down to Earth when one of them said “Say what you like. We’ll get our own back when you’re running on a treadmill in the foyer.” I had, in the course of my indulgent seven days in North Africa, completely forgotten about the sponsored run. 

RC 29-11-13

Goodbye holiday; hello house

It’s been so long since I used this blogsite I had almost forgotten my own password!
We had our time in a Travelodge; we had our time in Tunisia. Now we are living in a small spare room at the house of Philippa’s cousin Sally while awaiting our next landing spot to be vacated.
We are Professional Nomads.
It’s nice that Sally’s letting us use her internet connection, but she doesn’t have Wi-Fi so I’m reduced to having to plug my laptop into a modem! What is this - The Dark Days Of 2007?

Tunisia was absolutely wonderful. Even the fact that we had to share our dinner table each night with an alcoholic Scotsman and his unpleasant German fiancee couldn’t diminish the joy of the week we’ve just had.
And my God, can’t a good holiday do you the world of good! Ten days ago I was ready to quit and jump off a bridge, now I feel refreshed and ready to face whatever the world of supermarket employment can throw at me. Don’t get me wrong - I still want to leave. But for now I’m going to concentrate on maximising the productivity of my department between now and Christmas so I can earn my nice end-of-year bonus. 

Then I can leave in the New Year.

RC 28-11-13

Incoherent rambling from a hotel with free Wi-Fi

Well, we moved. 
What a strange feeling.
The place we had called ‘home’ and looked after as if it was our own has now been handed safely back to it’s owners.
As an extra ‘thank you’ from David and Becky they gave us a £500 cash bonus. FIVE HUNDRED POUNDS!!
That’s the holiday spending money sorted then!

There’s something very sexy about staying in a Travelodge. 
I think it’s the feeling of being secreted away in a hidey-hole that could be absolutely anywhere. It might also be the fact that we’re in such close proximity to each other all the time. Up until Saturday, we had the equivalent of four rooms each and now we’re stuck together in an area the size of David and Becky’s shower cubicle. 

Life feels unsettled, but good.
I am so satisfied with where I am and what we’re doing that it’s less than 24 hours until I have to get on a plane and I’m NOT shit-scared! Maybe Philippa’s been spiking my coffee with tranquilisers.

This time tomorrow we’ll be in Tunisia!
Please don’t expect me to blog much. I really need to switch off and re-charge so I’m planning a week of nothing but sleep, alcohol, sex, good food, sleep and sightseeing.
I promise to bring you back a pressie!

RC 19-11-13

Drunken Friday haiku

We leave this house soon
I have enjoyed staying here 
But not cleaning it

“Wind in the Willows”
Sounds like someone farting
Amongst cricket bats

Winter upon us
Time to go somewhere warmer
Like Tunisia

Bottle of red wine
Should never be drunk alone
Or spilt on carpets

A doner kebab:
God’s antidote to lager
That tastes of scrotum

RC 15-11-13

PPPPP

I’m not sure how this happened, but Philippa and I are ready to move!
We’ve just kept a bag each with the things we need for the next three days, and everything else is locked away in Tom’s warehouse. Amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it, and work together. Obviously this has Philippa believing that organising our wedding will be a doddle.
Everything has to come back to the wedding with her. 
I swear if I told her I’d just killed every member of her family she’d say “oh, we’d better have a look at the guest list again, then”
Bloody women. 

We’ve got a very busy few weeks ahead, but I’m really calm about it. I can’t wait for our holiday because we haven’t been away together for ages, so I’m trying to concentrate on that and forget about all the other stuff that’s going on. Most of it is organised anyway, so there’s no need to fret, but when has that ever stopped me before?

If anything, I’m really excited about all the changes, and I just wish I had the courage to change the one thing I really do want to change, which is my job. Still - you’ve heard enough of my work-related whinges, and I’ve sworn to stick it out until the New Year anyway, so I’ll shut up now and go and play on the Wii.
Oh shit - I can’t. We’ve already packed it away in storage…

RC 14-11-13

No chance in Hell

Management are trying to hijack my fundraising efforts. Rather than have me do a fun run in the New Year, they want to set up a treadmill in the supermarket and have me run on it in front of the customers.
I was hoping the whole thing had been forgotten, but apparently not. Shame really, as I haven’t done any training for a fortnight. Unless you count spending a few hours playing Olympics on the Wii??
I deflected a decision by telling them I can’t possibly consider it until we’ve sorted out our house move…. 
4 days to go, by the way…

RC 12-11-13

Last week before moving!!

God, the last 24 hours have been fun!

We went to an absolutely awesome fireworks display last night! It was at a small village, but you would have thought we were at a big town event because it was SO GOOD! It was a free event, but the fireworks must have cost thousands, so God knows where the money came from. It was supposed to happen last week but they had to cancel it due to the weather, so maybe they’d made an extra effort to make up for the delay. They had the best home-made leek and potato soup I’ve ever tasted. Yum, yum and yum.

Then today I got to have a real go at a couple of stoners because they talked during the two-minutes silence at work. I really went to town on them and got a round of applause from the other shoppers around us!

Then this evening Philippa and I sat together and watched the tennis. It’s so rare for us to find something we both want to watch that we cuddled up with wine and made a night of it. Philippa calls tennis “badminton for poofs” but she seemed to enjoy it as much as I did. She was backing Nadal to win, while I had a feeling for Djokovic, so we added some spice to the occasion by making a bet. I won (well - Novak did) so now Philippa has to cook me a big breakfast tomorrow before work. Result!

A rhyming couplet:

Fireworks are my favourite thing
They warm my heart and make me sing

RC 11-11-13

A date with Mr Balboa

We had such a good time at the fireworks this week that we’re going to another display tomorrow.
It was my idea. I’m pretending it’s because bonfires make me feel romantic, but It’s mostly to get Philippa out of the house before she starts cleaning it yet again. She seems determined to scrub the pattern off the carpets before David and Becky come back next week. Seriously - I’m starting to think this is a real problem. She’s started watching dust specks fall from the sky and is determined to stop them before they hit the furniture. I think I’m engaged to Howard Hughes. 
My only hope of a nearly-sane week is to distract her. She won’t let us have sex in case the mattress gets dirty, so it has to be outside activities or alcohol. So tomorrow is all about a funfair and fireworks; tonight is all about red wine and “Rocky” 

RC 9-11-13

reflection on last nights outing

What is it about drinking a mug of tea with whiskey in while watching the end of a bonfire that is SO perfect????

RC 6-11-13

Bonfire bunfight

Every so often Philippa and I have an argument that is so ferocious it could lift the roof off a building. Today’s was about Bonfire Night. She wants to go to the annual seaside charity event that we went to last year. I looked at the weather forecast and said “I think we should miss it this time and have a quiet evening in.”  I then had to be called a selfish, lazy bastard, and be told that she NEVER gets to do what she’d like to do. I pointed out that she recently spent a whole weekend away getting drunk and playing games with her sports chums, and then I had to be called a lazy, selfish bastard because I hadn’t gone along to support her. We went round and round for a bit before I shouted “It’s going to be pouring with rain. I could easily re-start my chest infection” which I thought was very important.
She said (loudly) “You haven’t had a chest infection you stupid arsehole, you made that up to have time off work”
I realised she had a point, so we’re off to the fireworks shortly.

Sunday’s blog, by the way, was exactly 500 words. I know - I’m a genius.

RC 5-11-13

So much to tell you..

Well, well, well, where do we start?
I’ve been laid low by a chest infection which has left me tired and breathless and unable to work or even walk properly. I barely had the energy to lift my head off the pillow on Tuesday and Wednesday, so I’ve been having lots of vitamins and hot drinks, and done lots of steam inhalations, and hopefully I’ll be back to full fitness by the middle of the week.

Right, hopefully anyone from the supermarket will have stopped reading this by now so I can switch back to ’Truth Mode’:  

The ‘chest infection’ was really just a bit of a cold, but we desperately needed to get ready for the house move and we were running out of time and we were getting stressed with a capital S so I decided to be a bit naughty. So I took a walk down Sickie Street.
It did the trick too, because we’re bang on schedule now for everything coming up in the next few weeks. Most of our stuff is packed away already. We’d kind of forgotten that most of the things we’ve been using here belong to David and Becky so once we got into it there wasn’t really that much to do. One van will be enough to move us out, and Wallpaper Tom is kindly lending us one of his. He’s also lending us a small bit of his warehouse to lock our stuff away in while we’re ‘between houses’. He really is very kind. But then, Philippa works incredibly hard for him and she hasn’t had a pay rise since she started so it’s the least he can do really. 
I can’t believe we move out in less than two weeks! Now we’re sorted it’s becoming a bit exciting, but up until last weekend it was terrifying. But we sat down together and wrote a list of exactly what needed doing, and there wasn’t as much as we thought, and we were able to tick them off as we did them and see that we were making progress! We’ve booked ourselves a few days in a Travelodge (which we got pretty cheap by booking nice and early) so we’ll have a few days there after we move out. Then we’re off to Tunisia for a week! Then we’re going to stay with Philippa’s cousin Sally for a bit (they have a nice spare room that they have offered us free of charge) Then we move into a house called “The Willows” on December 8th! It’s our first appointment with the house-sitting agency! The couple that own it run a fish and chip shop during the summer, then bugger off to Portugal for three months to avoid the Winter weather. Can’t say I blame them. They get to bask in the sun for a while, and we get to live rent-free in a very nice detached cottage on the outskirts of Norwich!
Bargain.  

RC 3-11-13

October haiku

Hallowe’en coming
Time to buy lots of hard sweets
To throw at children

October is here
The best thing about this month?
Must be pumpkin soup

Hallowe’en at work:
We’re yet again cashing in
On kids and parents

New work directive:
“All staff must wear fancy dress”
I’m going as me

If I was a witch
I’d turn MPs into rats
Then kick them to death

RC 25-10-13

Do fiances HAVE to be helpful?

Philippa is pressuring me to travel with her to Suffolk tomorrow. It’s her Annual Inter-Club Sports Club Bragging-Rights Bullshit Hoo-Hah Thingamijig and she wants me to go with her. She said having my support last year made a big difference to her and I’m a bit of a lucky charm. Trouble is, I hate the idea. I’ll get all turned on watching her bounce about on the badminton court, then she’ll ban me from having sex with her in case it affects her performance. I’ll be the least fit person there and I’ll spend three days feeling inadequate and fat and I’ll end up drinking and annoying people.
Thankfully I’m down to be working everyday, so I’ve got an excuse for not going. Although with Philippa away I’d like to take the opportunity to catch up on some serious film-watching, so I have a feeling I may be calling in sick.
Yes, I can feel one of my heads coming on already. 

RC 24-10-13

Oh shit, we change the clocks on Saturday

Today has not been a good day.
The weather has turned wet and nasty, my squidgy nut-piece has returned after cycling and I have a girlfriend having panic attacks about imminently moving house. I was supposed to meet up with Ross and lose myself in drumming but he had to cancel with a headache.
No wonder I’ve never liked Wednesdays.

RC 23-10-13

You can't get it all in one package

Tomorrow night should be a good ‘un. Philippa is trying out a new Zumba class (I think she’s trying to get as fit as possible so her body is ready for pregnancy) so I’m having a studio session with Ross. I’ve got so used to having our regular sessions that if a week goes by without me drumming now I start to feel a bit itchy. We’ve talked about increasing it to twice a week, but the studio we use is quite pricey when there’s only two of you to share the cost, and of course my work hours make it difficult to commit to a regular time-slot. And of course Philippa will start chirping and wittering if I spend another evening a week with Ross instead of her.  We wouldn’t have this problem if only she’d learn to play an instrument. Or if Ross had a nice pair of boobies…

RC 22-10-13

Texans.. Chiefs.. Rioja

Sunday night and I’m sitting on my own with a bottle of wine watching American Football on the telly. Marvellous, in so many ways. Philippa has partaken of an early night having spent most of today suffering with a hangover and an unsympathetic fiance. I am taking the opportunity to indulge myself in the world of the NFL as I’m well aware that when we move out next month I will likely lose my access to Sky Sports for a while. 

The week ahead looks good. I’ve been allowed a couple of days off in a row to help recharge my batteries before the madness of the Halloween/Fireworks Night week. With the weather set to stay ridiculously mild, I intend to take the Velociped out for a lengthy spin and to spend a lot of time listening to music. Now I am in rehearsals with another musician, I feel that research is essential, so if it’s a choice between hoovering the living room and watching YouTube clips of Crosby, Stills and Nash then I’m afraid the music stuff MUST win out. Philippa may not see it that way, but she’ll change her mind when we’re living in Florida with gold records adorning the bathroom walls. 

RC 20-10-13

Where does the time go?

Saturday night and I’m sitting on my own with a bottle of wine and a computer. If I’m going to be married soon I guess I may as well get used to this kind of thing.  At least I’m blogging now, rather than in two hours time when I’m a bit inebriated and feeling morose and melancholy.
Philippa is ‘out with the girls’ which I believe is modern code for ‘sitting in a wine bar talking about willies and make-up.’ I have to work an early shift tomorrow so I’m being ultra-professional and staying at home to have an early night. (which is code for ‘getting nicely drunk and sitting up til 3 watching movies‘) 
I have a couple of old Billy Wilder films that I’ve never seen so I intend to indulge myself in their brilliance. 

I was approached at work this week about changing jobs. You may remember I had expressed an interest a while ago in taking a position with the Home Delivery team of drivers? Well the Manager In Charge Of Said Department asked if I fancied switching now so I could be in place in time for the Christmas rush. I said I’d think about it, and then I did think about it, and then I looked into the hours involved, and it turns out they get so busy in the two weeks prior to Christmas that everyone is expected to work 12-hour days and your last delivery on Christmas Eve is at 11pm, after which time you have to take the truck back to the store and complete all your paperwork. I stopped thinking about it at that point. I know my current position means I’ll have a very work-based Yuletide, but I don’t see the point of jumping out of the frying pan only to land somewhere equally as high on the temperature scale. If you get my drift.. (as the customer said to the snowplough driver)
We haven’t discussed it yet, but obviously this will be the first Christmas in a long time that both my sisters are within visiting distance, and I’m hoping beyond hope that we’ll be able to have a good get-together sometime in December. I’m not sure how we’ll achieve that when you consider that most of us work weird shift patterns but there we are. I’m sure we’ll get there somehow. 

And speaking of ‘getting there somehow’ there’s somewhere I’d like to get now, and that is drunk, and I know exactly how to get there, so I’m going to go there now.
Ta-ra!

RC 19-10-13

New day, new mindset

I really need to stop posting blogs after drinking. I end up rambling, and waffling and… {pauses to consult thesaurus]…  being discursive, and I give you the wrong impression of me completely. Some of them are funny to read I imagine, just like some drunken conversations are fun to listen to, but you have no way of knowing whether what I’m typing is genuine Rory feeling, or intoxicated bumgumph. 
From now on, any time I post a blog while drunk I will put a capital D on the first line of text as a warning.
Anyway - I don’t really want to go back and study. I don’t know where that came from last night. My thoughts were rather awash with cider so that may have had something to do with it, I suppose. What I really want to do is earn about the same amount that I’m earning now, but be in a job where I only have to work office hours. Then I would get to spend more time with Philippa, and my life would blossom accordingly.
But stick around because I’ll probably change my mind again tomorrow…

RC 13-10-13

Yearning for learning

Sod work - what I really want to do is go back to studies. When I considered teaching, Philippa said she would support me through my years training to qualify, so maybe she’ll say something similar if I decide to go back to uni. 
The question is - what to study? 
Do I go back to my science background, or get qualified in something I really love, like films? Or should I take a careful look at the job market and get trained up in a field that has guaranteed employment, like computers or plumbing?
This is beginning to feel like my urge to quit work. I knew I wanted to get out of the supermarket but didn’t have a clue what to do instead. Now I’ve decided I want to get back into improving myself, but I don’t have a clue what subject to look at. 
I did notice that our local college is offering an evening class in dog grooming. Maybe I should give that a look?

RC 12-10-13

I somehow feel obliged..

I should have kept my mouth shut about the lovely weather. Today we had gale force winds and heavy rain. Ah, well… At least I made the most of it while we had it….

I notice I am still posting a blog every day. I’m not prepared to say yet whether this will continue, but its nice to have it as part of my daily routine rather than an occasional task or sometimes, to be honest, a necessary chore. It does seem to be more enjoyable when I’m doing it every day (and yes - I am still talking about blogging)

Now I am going to sit down with a hot chocolate and a book and listen to the wind rattle the windows…

RC 11-10-13

Zing went the strings of my art

I’ve given up on my carwash idea. I’m worried that there may be a mafia-style hierarchy that controls most of them in the area, and that after two days in business I’ll be visited by some big guys in overcoats who’ll threaten to burn everything, including me, if I don’t give them fifty per cent of the takings.  I’ve decided that’s a risk I’m not willing to take. Plus, I’m incredibly lazy, so the idea of having to spend all day cleaning people’s cars is one that fills me with dread.
So it’s back to the old drawing board as far as career choices go. And to be frank, if you’re as bored reading about my work-life woes as I am then you’d rather I shut up now, so that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

In other news, today sees the end of my Alphabetical-Order Blog Title Challenge Thing. I did it!! Now I have to find something new to interest and amuse me. I notice that I have accidentally and enjoyably written a blog every day in October so far, so maybe it’s finally time to complete my often-threatened, always-abandoned idea of Writing A Blog Every Day In A Calendar Month. Or maybe not….

And to conclude - some haiku:

October weather
Feels more like June or July 
I love climate change!

RC 10-10-13

Year in the wrong order?

God, the weather’s been glorious. I’ve been cycling today wearing shorts and a T-shirt. Unheard of in October but very, very welcome. Why am I writing in short, snappy sentences today? Instead of writing longer, flowing, intelligent prose? Maybe because we now live in a Twitter-inspired, status-update-obsessed world where everyone wants everything to be short, sharp, quick and catchy, and their attention span wavers if what they’re reading goes on for more than ten words, and I have to go along with that or risk losing readers. But then, I only have a handful of readers anyway so sod it - back to the longer sentences!

I must pat myself on the back and say I did a good job of sprucing my Velociped up this week. I took her out today and the gears were slick and silent, the brakes were responsive and rugged, and the frame was gleaming like a mirror made of diamonds. Maybe I could quit work and make money cleaning bikes? There are no end of those “Handwash” car-wash places by the side of the roads now, where Eastern Europeans are cashing In on the laziness of drivers by cleaning their cars while they’re at work. Maybe I could do the same service for cyclists? Or maybe I should open my own “Handwash” car-wash lay-by business? Some of them charge about twelve quid just to clean the outside of the car. The automated car wash at the supermarket is only three pounds fifty - I could just take everyone’s car through there and make nine pounds profit every time. 
Hmmm, I might give that one some serious thought.  

RC 9-10-13

Xmas blues a-comin'

I can assure you that I wouldn’t be mentioning Christmas if it didn’t fit in nicely with me being at ‘X’ in my Alphabetical Blog Title Challenge…
I hate The Season Of Goodwill being mentioned anytime before the end of November, but I can’t get away from it. We’ve got the bloody Christmas stock already filling 20% of the store space and we’re only a few weeks away from the sodding Yuletide Music being pumped through the shop. Here I am trying to enjoy this wonderful Indian Summer and I’m being brainwashed into believing it’s Xmas Eve already. I tried to convince the management that we shouldn’t go big on the festive stuff as it might be offensive to our non-Christian customers, but I was swimming against the tide of potential profit. 
After a meeting today, I’ve been appointed the unwanted title of “Twat Who Has To Find Local Entertainers To Stand In The Entrance Singing Christmas Songs Without Wanting To Be Paid For It”
Graham has an uncontrollable urge to have bell-ringers, carollers and the like in-store every day in December, and somehow it’s up to me to book them all. As if my work life wasn’t suicide-inducing enough….

RC 8-10-13

Will we ever see an Autumn?

Another beautiful late-Summer day today. How on Earth anyone can doubt the onset of climate change based on this year’s evidence is beyond me. Snow in May? Still wearing jumpers in June? Overnight October temperatures in double figures Celsius? Does this sound like traditional British weather to you? 
Anyway, I shan’t waste my time pleading to the unbelievers. If the opinions of every reputable scientist alive and the mammoth amounts of documentary proof that builds up each year won’t convince you then what chance do I have?

The good weather has placed me in a very good mood. I decided to give my bike a service today (which means I oiled the chain and cleaned it a bit) and it was so nice outside I wore just a T-shirt and shorts and had to put on a baseball cap to keep the sun from blinding me. Glorious. For lunch I made myself a nice tuna salad and ate it sitting at the table in the garden. All very middle-class behaviour. Then I had to drive into work and get hissed at by customers that should be on The Jeremy Kyle Show. Sometimes my life is like a dichotomy from a fictional fable, and sometimes the different aspects of my life seem so different that I feel as if I am existing in at least three separate dimensions at once, and that I live three separate lives which just occasionally crash into each other and over-lap. 
Where’s the wine????

RC 7-10-13

Volume control needed..

Another gem that I overheard in the shop aisles today:

PERSON A: “Every time I have sex with my girlfriend she cries as if I’ve just punched her”
PERSON B: “Shame”
PERSON A: “Yes it is”
PERSON B: “No, mate, I mean that’s the reason she’s crying - it’s the shame”

RC 6-10-13

Under Pressure

I was in reflective mood today. Almost meditative. I sat in the garden under surprisingly warm conditions and allowed myself to relax and think back over the past few days. I analysed things that had happened, I considered my performance and attitude during those events, and I tried to see how my decisions would be affecting myself and others. And my conclusions were - “What the ****ing Hell was I thinking??”
How the **** have I got myself into these stressful situations? I’m a month away from moving house with no real understanding of where my landing point will be, I’m being pestered about marriage by a fiancee who is desperate to get pregnant, and now I’m committed to a sponsored run and a gig at an wedding that I could ruin? Am I TRYING to drive myself crazy?

The only way to calm myself was to indulge in some distracting haiku, and some wine:

I am a drummer
But I don’t know how to drum
..Never stopped Ringo…

RC 5-10-13

Tame and Wild - LIVE DEBUT SOON !!?

Ross and I met up this morning, and he asked if I’d be interested in ‘playing a few numbers’ at his cousin’s wedding in March! Apparently she’s marrying the guitarist from a local covers band, and they’ll be playing at the reception, and all their equipment will be set up all day. Ross jokingly asked the Groom-To-Be if he and I could be the warm-up act and he surprised him by saying “Sure, mate - go for it!”
They have even said we can use their drumkit and amps so we don’t have to provide our own equipment! I was a bit excited at first but now I’m thinking “You stupid TWAT, Ross!! What have you let us in for?? Brides want their weddings to be perfect so we’ll have to get things absolutely right… We don’t even have a SINGER for chuff’s sake.. Why did you even suggest it?? Why didn’t you just buy her something from the wedding list like everybody else?”
Anyway, we’ve got six months to rehearse so I’m sure we’ll be fine…..

RC 4-10-13

Sore

According to an Amateur Runners website I found, the first run you do when you start training is always the hardest… I bloody well hope so, because if I feel like this every time I run I’ll be killing myself by Hallowe’en.  I think I got 50 yards before my ankles hurt and my thighs were burning.  “Ninety per cent of the pain is in your head” I was told. Well my head felt ok but the other ninety per cent of my body was in agony.
Next time I suppose I should be sensible and warm up, and stretch, and take it easy, and warm down, and stretch again. Or stay in bed…

Philippa is very supportive, as always. She wants to know when the Hell I’m going to fit in running around the packing, and cleaning, and dusting, and cleaning, and hoovering, and cleaning that we have to do before we move out next month.  I said “Why are you complaining? You’ve been on at me for ages about exercising more..”
She said “I wanted you to play BADMINTON with me, not ruin your knees running in shit trainers”
She doesn’t swear very often, so I knew she felt quite strongly and I didn’t want an argument, so I shut up at that point and made her a cup of tea.

Actually, thinking about it, she only ’doesn’t swear’ in her general life; when she’s talking to me she swears like a trooper.  

RC 3-10-13

Running scared?

I may have accidentally agreed to do a sponsored run for charity.
Last Friday, as I’m sure you know, was ‘The World’s Biggest Coffee Morning’ 
We didn’t do anything at work because we often have collections for local charities anyway, and because we have our own charitable organisations that we raise money for, so we can’t join in with every special event that comes along or we’d be pestering our customers for donations every day.
Now - the explanation I’ve just written seems quite good to me, and if I’d explained it that way to Mrs Barraclough on Friday, everything would have been fine. But unfortunately I was in one of my feisty ‘can’t be bothered; please keep customers away from me’ moods on Friday, so when she approached me and asked why we hadn’t done anything, I said something like “If MacMillan wants to have nurses named after him, maybe he should pay for them himself.”
Obviously if I’d known that Mrs Barraclough lost her sister to cancer last month I would have reined in my flippancy somewhat, but as so often happens with me, the gob was open and spouting nonsense long before the brain assessed the situation. So Mrs Barraclough, understandably in my opinion, complained about me. 
In a long conversation with Ginger Graham and Carl (our ‘Customer Services’ manager and self-proclaimed Saviour Of The Universe) it was suggested that I should make ‘a personal gesture to ensure reparations of the customer/company relationship status.’
Carl thought I should donate a percentage of my months wages to a hospice of Mrs Barraclough’s choice. Graham thought I should arrange a belated coffee morning and invite her as guest of honour. Determined to avoid both those possibilities, I heard myself stupidly saying “No. I should have to do something myself to raise money. It’ll be good publicity for the supermarket if one of their managers is eating Humble Pie and doing something for the community. I can get sponsored, and the company can match all donations, and we can have a lovely photo opportunity where you hand over a cheque to MacMillan with Mrs Barraclough standing beside you. And it should be something I really hate as well, to prove that I am genuinely sorry for my comments.”
So I suggested a sponsored run….
They both became orgasmic at the idea, and ran off to prepare press releases and to convince themselves it was their idea entirely, while conveniently forgetting that I was going to get sacked if there was ever one more complaint about me.
I am The Golden Boy again, and have avoided a potentially damaging disciplinary procedure.
Now I just have to learn how to run.

RC 2-10-13

Quite where the Year has gone, I just don't know..

Welcome to October.
The weather is still late-Summerish, but that’s the least we deserve after Winter lasted until June. I’m hoping we can make it to November before we turn the heating on.
I had a rather pleasant surprise today. As you know, I keep well away from the financial side of life, which I can do because I have a fiancee who obsesses about it. Today we sat down with some statements and some figures and she told me how much money we’ve managed to save since we’ve been living together. We’re doing rather well, thank you very much! People who have mortgages or pay rent are suckers. (no offence.) Philippa being Philippa, she is working out how big a house we can buy if we use the savings as a deposit, and me being me I’m thinking ‘Where can we go on holiday?’ and ‘How long could I be off work before we’d spent all the money?’

RC 1-10-13

Perhaps I should have kept her..

I saw TheLoveMachine driving around today. There was a pang of regret in my heart. That stupid twat I sold her to has put big wraparound bumpers on her and put tinted sunstrips in the windows. She looks like a 70-year-old woman who’s had botox injections in her lips. (if you see what I mean)
Poor girl.

I’m quite tired today because not only did I over-indulge while watching the American Football Live From Wembley, I also drank lots of coffee and sat up overnight to watch the Patriots-Falcons game that started at 2am. Not ideal preparation for a day at work, but a lovely way to spend an Autumn Sunday night-time. I think I ate a years supply of Doritos and enough cashew nuts to kill a donkey.
I can’t pretend my performance at work was anything other than poor, but I’m not going to worry about having the odd under-par day here and there. I am well aware that I was hoping to have left the job by now, but I’m not going to let it depress me that I’m still there. There are other things going on that need addressing, after all. We have to plan what we’re doing when we vacate this house, for one, and I think being out of work at the same time as having to acquire accommodation might be a bit much to take on. Plus, we had a Manager’s meeting yesterday and we were given our targets for the rest of the year. I’m confident I can achieve what they’re looking for and earn myself a nice big Christmas sales bonus, so why leave before I get it?
(see - it’s good to be crap in your first year as a manager, then they set your targets at a level you can stroll to!)

RC 30-9-13

Oh so awkward

I am never, ever, ever doing an Overnight Film Session with Philippa again. I had to sit through the most dire piece of shit I’ve ever been exposed to in my life, and then Philippa fell asleep on me halfway through “Bad Boys.” My bloody arm was numb for hours. I had thought it might be nice to have some company but, really, I’d have been better off on my own. 
Today I was tired and a bit grumpy, whereas My Beloved was relaxed and sprightly after her long sleep, so we didn’t make a great combination.
This is a big house but it feels very small when you’re trying to avoid each other.
So now I am going to bed….

RC 28-9-13

Numbers game

This is blog no 1025, so I’m writing it at 1025 am. I’m so clever. Or a bit OCD, depending on how you look at it.

Apropos of nothing at this point, I will tell you that the 5 true facts in my “Fun (false) Facts” post on Friday the 13th were 1, 3, 5, 6 and 8. The others I made up.

We only have 50 days left living in this house. It’s a shame. I shall miss its’ dedicated games room, its’ large garden, and the myriad good places to hide from Philippa when she’s in a bad mood. I shall NOT miss the two-hour task of mowing the lawns, and Philippa’s constant unceasing attempts to keep every square inch of the building clean and free of dust. 

I would like to point out at this point that I have started deliberately misusing apostrophes and comma’s, just to annoy people that hate misuse of apostrophe’s and commas’.

Just 54 hours now til the NFL game kicks off at Wembley….

RC 27-9-13

Music is the cure

Ross and I had a two-hour thrash-about in the rehearsal studio today. What a relief and a release! It’s amazing how the cares of the world seem to lift away from me when I’m whacking the shit out of a drum kit for an hour or so. Neither of us had managed to learn ‘Kashmir’ (surprise, surprise) so we just jammed for a bit and then worked on a version of “I’m A Believer” by The Monkees. We’re getting more confident in our own abilities and losing our fear of making mistakes in front of each other, and as a result our timing as a twosome is improving all the time.
(Apologies if I’m losing you with my professional technical terminology, by the way!)
I still don’t think we’ll go anywhere with this and play gigs or anything, but it’s good fun and I’m getting better and that’s good enough for me.
I’m also getting more and more interested in listening to more music, and discovering new bands. Anytime Philippa is out I’m going to go on YouTube and watch old live music videos, and if I see anything I like I’ll download it and give it a few listens. If that goes well, the band will get their name on my List Of Groups To Investigate and I’ll get myself a copy of everything they’ve ever done and put it on my iPod.
What on Earth did music fans do before the Internet???
This Led Zeppelin lot that Ross keeps talking about seem to have a bit of something about them so I may start with their back catalogue and take it from there.

RC 26-9-13

Late-night popcorn ahoy!

Philippa has agreed to join me for an all-night film session on Friday! We both have Saturday off, so I thought it would be a good opportunity to spend some quality time together (and to distract her from the upcoming task of packing for the move)
She has put one proviso in place though - she gets to pick half the films we watch. I said that was fine, as long as none of them are ‘Mamma Mia’
So we now have a schedule that starts with “Jaws” at 8pm before moving onto “Dirty Dancing” which I don’t mind because I’ve never seen it, and it always pops up on lists of ‘Best Films Ever.’ I know it’s mostly aimed at women but really, how bad can it be??

RC 25-9-13

Key to Love = Don't be a Twat

I’ve been making an ultra-effort to be nice to Philippa all the time, and to not stomp around the house when I’m in a bad mood, and to not let my insecurities about myself and our relationship affect the way I am with her, and guess what? She’s responding by being happy and loving towards me! Not bad going really - we’ve only been together for two-and-a-half years and I’m finally getting the hang of our relationship.
At this rate I might be a good fiance by the time I’m thirty.
Oh God, that’s only 4 months away isn’t it?
Let’s change the subject….

Ross suggested we take our musical encounters to a different level by both learning ‘Kashmir’ by Led Zeppelin. I said ‘yes’ without knowing anything about the song, then I listened to it online and I can’t help thinking he’s aiming slightly higher than either of us are able to reach. Still, when have I ever backed away from a challenge? Oh yes, that’s right - every time I’ve faced one!

RC 24-9-13

Just..... WOW!

I think yesterday may have been one of the best days of my life.
Philippa and her buddies took advantage of the pleasant weather to organise a ‘Sports On The Beach’ day. We had volleyball, bowls, cricket, football and badminton. We also had wine, beer, cider, crisps and barbecues. What a wonderful time we had, made all the better by the realisation that it may be the last such day we have this year.
The really great thing was that I just got on with it and enjoyed it. I didn’t feel out of place, or unworthy, or worried about the way my body might look when compared to the more athletic people around me.  I just enjoyed the day for what it was and what we had.
On the way home we were treated to the most glorious sunset imaginable. 
Then we curled up on the sofa, and Philippa fell asleep with her head resting on me in that peaceful, lovely way that she hasn’t done for ages.
Gorgeous end to a gorgeous day.

Today, by contrast, was shit. 

RC 23-9-13

I'm bored

The title of this blogpost sums things up really - I’m bored. I’m not depressed, or wistful, or tired, or angry, or confused, or any of the other weird emotions that sometimes overpower me and dominate my life and my thoughts. I’m just bored.
Summer has faded away and I feel as if I’m just stuck on a treadmill watching life drift by the same way every day. I believe it’s called ‘Hamster Wheel Syndrome.’
Anyway let’s not dwell on that as you don’t want to hear my woes, especially when it’s just the same old stuff that I go on about most days anyway, and the same old stuff that everyone else is going through in their own lives. 
So…..
Philippa and I have planned the rest of the year. I hate to be that organised but it’s something we’ve had to do as there’s rather a lot going on between now and December. It felt great to be sitting down together and doing it nicely rather than snapping at each other the way we sometimes do. I tend to panic when I have to face change or plan too far ahead, and it’s nice to remember I have someone beside me now to help me through that and be with me on the other side. I’m amazed I ever managed to do anything when I was single, because if I’m not tackling life with Philippa’s help and support I feel naked and scared. 
We’re both quite looking forward to moving house now. The fear and apprehension has given way to excitement as we’ll be placed somewhere new and getting used to a new environment. And we’ll be getting paid for it! Bonus!
(Actually, we don’t get paid for the time in between houses, but you see my point…)
Work is shite, but isn’t work shite for everyone? We’re now sorting out our Christmas rotas and I keep being asked ‘What days do you want to work this year?’ The only answer I can come up with is “None of them”

RC 20-9-13

Haiku Jobsworth

Someone has contacted me to say my haiku on this blogsite is amongst the worst he’s ever seen. He can go frump himself as far as I’m concerned. I try not to be bothered by nasty comments but he has got to me a little, so I thought I’d get back at him the most appropriate way I could think of:

Don’t like my haiku?
Maybe you can’t recognise
Genius in print

RC 18-9-13

Girlfriend on Prozac?

My mind is a whirl today. Philippa is in a spookily good mood and I’ve seen a job I want to apply for. I’m not going to tell you much about the job because any time I’ve done that in the past year or so the whole thing has fallen apart around my ears, so forgive me for keeping you in the dark. I’m happy to tell you about Philippa’s levity, however. She has suddenly decided that she is no longer scared about moving house, which is a Hell of a change in attitude. She is also not hassling me about getting married. Either she has given up, or she’s playing some horrible game of reverse psychology on me. I don’t care either way because it’s just nice to be talking to her without the words ‘wedding’ and ‘colour-scheme’ popping up every five seconds.

RC 17-9-13

Fun (false) Facts

To ease myself back into blogging after a time of laziness, I present for you:
Rory’s Ten Facts About Friday the Thirteenth (5 of which are true!)

1. According to insurance companies, there are actually LESS accidents on Friday the 13th, as people tend to be more careful. 
2. King Henry VI was both born and killed on a Friday the 13th. He also ascended to the throne AND got married on that date. He also got his first haircut on a Friday the 13th, walked his first steps, received his first postcard and lost his first tooth. No, seriously, he did. Look it up. Have you looked it up now? Good - let’s move on…
3. The first mention in literature of Friday the 13th being associated with bad luck did not appear until 1869.
4. In the first draft of the script for the “Friday the 13th” film, the bad guys name was NATHAN CULPEPPER
5. In Greece, the unlucky day is TUESDAY the 13th.
6. In Italy, it’s Friday the SEVENTEETH.
7. The fear of Friday the 13ths is known as PUPANINTRANTAPHOBIA
8. The longest we can go WITHOUT a Friday the 13th is 14 months.
9. By a curiosity of astrophysics, it is never possible to see Saturn’s rings on a Friday the 13th.
10. The letters in FRIDAY THE THIRTEENTH can be rearranged to form the phrase “SUPERSTITIOUS CODSWALLOP”

RC 13-9-13

'ever Again

I seem to be drinking quite a lot recently. Maybe it’s because we’re heading into the time of year that I hate. Maybe I’m becoming aware that we have to move house soon, and I’d really rather like to go on living here. Maybe it’s because I hate my job and the reality of it is so painful that I use drink to try and drown my feelings of despair. 
I really don’t know.
But I’ve had a monster headache all day today, and I couldn’t face food until lunchtime. Now I am about to head to work where I will be overwhelmed by the smells of cooking chickens and sweaty customers. 
Pray for me….

RC 9-9-13

Drunken blogging

I can barely string three words together, such has been my intake of wine. Rather than try for paragraphs, I’ll just list a few hi-lites from todays BarBQu, otherwise I’ll start typing something and forget what I’m typing about halfway through it.
So…
1. We played darts, pissed, and I missed the board with 9 consecutive darts, even though I stepped closer each time.
2. I showed everyone my tattoo, and laughed louder than any1 as I told them the story behind it
3. Just for a change, Philippa got more squiffed than I did, so she can’t tell me off for being guzzly
4. I went for a pee just before we left, and missed the toilet. I then used a towel to mop up my spillage, which I then hung back on the towel rack in the bathroom
5. I told the taxi driver to “take me to my workplace so I can torch the ****ing sh*t-hole” Thankfully, he didn’t know where I work. 
6. Ah, shit, I can’t remember anything else

RC 8-9-13

Cat got my tongue?

Yeah, I’ve been lazy. Sorry. Just couldn’t be bothered to write anything. It’s not as if the week has been uneventful. I got threatened at work by a customer, I nearly got knocked off my bike by a bus and I was so drunk and angry last night that I nearly dug out my own tattoo with a soup spoon. Lots of things have happened, I just couldn’t be bothered to tell you about any of it…
Never mind - tomorrow’s another day, isn’t it? Let’s make a fresh start, move on stronger, and never speak of this unpleasantness again. We’ve been invited to a barbecue as it happens, so at least I’ll have something to write about. And I WILL write about it. 
I promise, I promise, I promise….

RC 7-9-13