Last hurrah (almost)

Father Christmas kindly brought me a chest infection, so this has not been the greatest Yuletide week in the life of Rory. Most of the 25th was spent sweating in bed and finding it hard to breathe; and every day since has been a struggle with breathlessness, fatigue and a pounding headache.
But you know what?
It's still been a magical time and I've enjoyed so much of the time that we've spent together as a family. It wasn't the same as past Christmasses, but isn't that a good thing? Traditions are all very well and are very important to the familiarity of the atmosphere, but I think it's great that every year brings its own special methods and special significances. It's the bonus unexpected moments that get piled on top of the regular ones that make this time of year exactly what it is - WONDERFUL.
So I'm full of festive fun and The Spirit of Santa, even though I've hardly been upright and have used about half the contents of an entire pharmacy over the past 5 days. I shall be ending the year on antibiotics, but I'll still be in better health than millions of others, and at least I am blessed to live in a time where a chest infection is a treatable inconvenience rather than a painful death sentence.
Yeah, it's all good.

RC 30-12-23

So close now!

Schools have broken up now, so it's morning chaos of a different kind in the Chesworth household! Mathew thinks Father Christmas should come today, as why should we be waiting once school is finished? He has a point, but we're still going to make him hold off until the proper time.
I am feeling a bit more 'with it' today, which is nice, after the gloom of earlier this week. I'm still not fully into the whole Yuletide delights - I'm not blasting out Michael Buble in the car or rewatching old movies at every possible moment - but at least I'm smiling again and feeling in touch with my fellow man. And isn't that what Christmas should be about anyway? Connection and emotion and love, not commerce and TV specials and parties?
We have a busy weekend at work, with Family Fun stuff on all three days. The staff are not overly pleased with me having booked an activity for the morning of Christmas Eve, but there'll be plenty of treats and drinks leftover for them to enjoy and/or take home with them, and it's not as if we're dragging in loads of people who would normally have the day off. I've kept the rotas as fair as possible and it's mostly seasonal people back from university who are helping out anyway, so I'm not going to feel guilty.
And, once the clearing up is done, I can hotfoot it home to enjoy a brilliant Christmas Eve afternoon, winding Mathew up to the point of excited exhaustion and diving into our large cupboard full of Christmassy snacks and sundries.
Yummy.

RC 22-12-23

It's becoming an annual tradition

It's strange that it's the 20th December and I still don't feel overly festive.
The weekend went so well and the families attending were full of thanks when they left us, and yet still it felt a bit flat. I'm surrounded by Christmas and I'm feeling empty of it. That's all I can say, really. I can't get to the bottom of it, I don't want to overanalyse it, and I wish I could make it stop, but I can't. And the more I think about it the harder it seems to be to turn it around. I guess keeping it in my head is giving it power and making it harder to get through. If I can somehow accept it, then ignore it, I think it might bugger off and leave me in peace and allow me to enjoy the festivities with delight and joy. That works with anxiety, and insomnia, and other depressive spells, so it should hopefully work with Christmas cheer (or the lack of it) too.
I think the problem is that we're so pressured to be bouncy and buoyant at this time of year, and it's not always easy to achieve. People always have a lot going on in their lives, and the happiness of others can sometimes accentuate your own misery, and being pushed to show enthusiasm and optimism can just push you further down into the mire. Sorry to be a December downer, but it's true. At other times of year, a little low mood might pass quicker because there's no pressure to appear cheerful, whereas a glum spell in the week before The Big Day is going to feel worse because you 'shouldn't' be feeling this way and you put extra stress on yourself trying to change it and that makes it heavier and stronger and harder to get through. I think a lot of us who are struggling a bit right now won't feel half as bad once it's the 27th and The Main Event is behind us.

RC 20-12-23

Cheerful pre-Xmas poem

EVERYTHING I DO IS BAD FOR ME

Every love affair breaks my heart
Every meal gives me heartburn
All my dreams involve me falling
Every journey has potholes
Two drinks means a hangover
Three drinks means I'm anyone's,
...and regrets
Every job is a headache
All exercise leaves me injured
Sport means cramp
Thought means confusion

except on the days when...

Love is like a golden beacon
Food brings me warmth and joy
Dreams are true flights of fantasy
Travelling brings discovery
Drinking with friends is therapy
Work gives me purpose
Exercise gives me energy
Sport means escape
Thought means inspiration

...and those days give me hope

RC 19-12-23

Such a liar...

I said, and I quote, "...my December will mostly be about poetry" and I have posted no poems since... What a let-down.
But it's not too late, of course.
Here is my first attempt to redeem myself in your eyes:

A snowdrift clogs the forefront of your mind
Winter fog is clouding thoughts
But Christmas sparkles in your heart

RC 18-12-23

Slightly happier...

It's so lovely to be looking ahead to the rest of this month with excitement and anticipation, rather than dread and apprehension. Mathew's birthday is all planned and prepared - he's having a 'party' at a soft-play venue on the day itself, with several chums from school, so we don't have to worry about hosting a mad, destructive do at our house - and the schedule for 24th to 28th December has been pretty much laid out and locked in by my wife and sisters, so there's nothing for me to worry about there.
It's all good really.
I've relaxed now about this weekend, and the other Family Festive Fun days that we're doing at work. It's all sorted and everyone knows what they're doing, and they're all looking forward to it, and I'm confident it'll all work well, so I can just get on with it now and stop having elevated anxiety levels while thinking about it.  Easier said than done, of course, but I'm doing my best.

I don't seem to be the only person who has been a bit 'stressy' recently either. I think I posted about this already, but a lot of people seem to be a bit more wound up about the holiday season than they used to be. It may just be the constant negativity that we're force-fed by the media impacting on everyone's ability to enjoy themselves, but there does seem to be a general malaise about the general populace as we enter the end days of 2023. I don't like it. I guess I'm so used to spending time with people who are on their vacation and determined to make the best of it, that it depresses me when I have to deal with normality and reality. I suppose I have always liked my ability to escape from the world by surrounding myself with my own happy thoughts while isolating, and it's not so easy to do that when you're a manager at a busy caravan site and a father to two young boys.
So, in conclusion... well, I have no conclusion really, I am just rambling (as I do so often).

RC 15-12-23

Slightly nervous...

We have our big family Christmas events happening this weekend. And when I say 'we' and 'our' I mean work, not my own family.
I feel a lot of pressure building up, but it's all coming from my own psyche, rather than from external sources. I feel ultimately responsible for the success of these things, and I fret that if it isn't all perfect, I'll be ruining December for several small children. It's not true, of course. What I'm actually doing is instigating something that will add festive fun and frivolity into the lives of lots of families, and short of electrocuting them or hiring a drunk Santa who will psychologically damage them for life with inappropriate comments, there isn't really much I can do that would destroy their childhoods.
And I think we've put together a nice little package of activities and experiences for everyone. But still, it bothers me...

RC 14-12-2

My mind is such a torrent...

There seem to be an extraordinary number of problematic bugs floating around at the moment. Covid is still pretty prevalent in parts of Suffolk, there's a terrible chesty cold ripping its way through our staff, and now a 24-hour sickness thing has surfaced that has taken out a large chunk of our cleaning and maintenance crew. I have a suspicion they may have all gone out on a big pre-Christmas night and spread it around between them, but maybe that's just my cynical brain kicking in and finding connections where they aren't. And anyway, does it matter? We're able to cover the absences without too much trauma, and if groups of staff are socialising together and having fun, I say Good Luck to them. I'm just really hoping I don't pick anything up myself. Or - if I do - that I get it now and get it over with, rather than have something turning up on the 23rd that will make me ill for The Big Day.
But, then again, isn't that just me worrying unnecessarily? I eat well and take my vitamins so it's not like I'm setting myself up for illness by being weak and lowering my immune system, and it's not as if the boys' Christmas will be ruined if Dad is a bit poorly. So I don't need to worry. And yet I still do. Because that's what I do.
Anyway, I feel all right at the moment.

RC 13-12-23

Big bulb and bad breath

I had a bizarre dream last night in which I was working in a lighthouse. I was sitting at a small desk, writing tide information and weather reports in a large book, and the sun was streaming in through the small, iron-framed window. The overnight shift had been quite quiet so there wasn't much to write about, but I seemed to be worried that the sunny morning was actually a precursor to a violent, stormy night ahead. It was very vivid. And it's not just the circumstances of that part of the dream, either - my character had a whole backstory that I was aware of, that involved an unfortunate bankruptcy after a traumatic divorce, and a problem with his hips caused by a fall from a horse in his late teens. Very odd. My beard was down to my chest, and very unkempt, and I was using strong whiskey as a mouthwash because I had forgotten to pack a toothbrush or any toothpaste. (Or maybe it was centuries ago and those things just weren't in existence yet.)
I never read too much into dreams, or what they might be telling me, but this one was very powerful. It also felt very comfortable, as if this was an existence that I could be very happy with.
I mentioned it at work, and one of our receptionist ladies (who, it must be pointed out, is a real 'angels are around us,' crystal-wearing type of woman in her late forties) told me it's probably a past-life thing, where one of the previous bodies that my soul inhabited is breaking through into the present day during my sleep. I smiled and thanked her and then cast that one aside as a load of old hokum. I think it's more likely to be a message from my future - I can genuinely see me ending up alone and cast out of society somewhere, in which case a job like a remote lighthouse keeper would be a winner. So maybe this dream was my subconscious mind's way of saying 'Don't worry, Rory, whatever happens in the next few years, you'll be fine. Even if Philippa leaves you and takes everything with her, you'll cope.'
But, you know, like I said, I don't like to read much into these things....

RC 12-12-23

Dec-aiku

Exactly two weeks
And Christmas will be with us
What a lovely thought

It's not just a day
'Tis a season of goodwill
and a time of joy

Bright decorations
a tree resplendent with lights
a nice, cosy space

RC 11-12-23

Wow! How?

I have just realised that we are fast approaching our 8th wedding anniversary. EIGHT YEARS!! That's incredible. And it also means, if my maths and my memory are working correctly, that Philippa and I have been together for nearly 13 years. THIRTEEN YEARS!! That, too, is incredible, and is a real testament to who she is as a person. Can you imagine putting up with THIS every day for more than a decade? Re-read my early blog postings and tell me if YOU would have wanted to take on that car crash of a person as a partner...  

And now here we are. It's more than a decade later, our love has done nothing but deepen, and so much has changed for the better. She is fast approaching being qualified as a physical therapist, I finally have a job I enjoy and feel proud of, we have two amazing, beautiful boys that fill our lives with noise and joy, and there seems to be no sign on either side that we're getting fed up with it all. God, I do love her.

RC 7-12-23

Ho, Ho, Ho! (ish)

I seem to have rediscovered my previously missing Christmas cheer! I am suddenly full of excitement for the upcoming activities and parties we're having at work for local families (which were feeling like a bit of a burden), I'm enjoying the tunes we are blasting through the office, and I can't wait to see Mathew diving into his pile of presents on the morning of the 25th! So maybe my December Gene has kicked in a bit and I'm finding the Joy Of The Season. It seemed to start when I chatted with Beryl at the weekend, and she was baking six different kinds of mince pies, trying to decide which recipe would be best for the family to enjoy at their upcoming get-togethers.
I guess it's really just a question of attitude though, isn't it? Nothing has really changed within me, except for my own interpretation of what's going on around me and how I want to react to it. That could be a bit deep for a midweek blog posting, but I'm sure you know what I mean. Christmas is a state of mind, not a date. You can't wait for it to wash over you at a certain time and then miraculously feel festive. You have to bathe yourself in the magic and ignore the negativity and surround yourself with people that enjoy it. And then you can let yourself go and let yourself become immersed and then you can reap the benefits. And if you're not there yet, I do send you my sympathy. It really is the most wonderful time of the year, and it will be over before we know it. If you can't grab hold and surf the super feelings while they're available, you'll only be more miserable in January.

RC 6-12-23

December Ode 1

Stuff it... I've decided... my December will mostly be about poetry!
So - to get us started - I present my aforementioned 'Dr Seuss Tribute Poem'.
To give you some context (which is always a bad idea when you're talking about a poem) we were chatting at work about flowers and insects and all sorts of weird stuff, and started realising how many words there are that rhyme with SPERM. And so I started making up a story about a sperm that came from a worm, and it spiralled from there. Someone said, "This reminds me of Dr. Seuss" and my weird brain took that on as a challenge, and this is what I came up with:

FLERM was a GERM
who lived on a WORM
who lived in the PERM
of a large PACHYDERM
He made the beast SQUIRM
when he crawled on its BERM
and when he shot SPERM
it was really quite FIRM
At school every TERM
you would hear him say, ERM....
He wasn't that bright!
So he worked for a FIRM
making THERm-al T-shirts
called Flacket & FLERM
(Nepotism is rife
in the world of the GERM.)

RC 5-12-23

Holy shit... It's Christmas Month!

It's weird how this has crept up on me - Mathew has been energetically attacking his advent calendar every morning, we've started playing Christmas tunes in the office, I've been supervising the tree decorating in each of our function rooms on each of our sites - and yet still I only just seem to have registered that it's December!
It shouldn't be a shock to me - it's certainly been cold enough to give me a hint. Minus 2 on Saturday in our garden!
I'm not going to fall into my old trap of moaning about the weather, so I shall accentuate the positives and say that Suffolk looked very, very pretty under a sharp frost, and that it is much easier to talk to your eldest child about Father Christmas when it feels likely that there might be snow on the way soon.

I've been trying to remember what it was like this time last year. I seem to recall that we were all struggling to get into 'the Christmas spirit' even when it was only three weeks away (like it is today!). Little Rian was so little that every second was about keeping him warm and happy and alive, and everything else became secondary. As any parent amongst you will know, the arrival of another young 'un is a major upheaval, even when you're already used to it from previous experience. There seems to be a disproportionate growth in difficulty - adding one more human to the mix actually upsets the rhythm of your house by about 300%.
Also worth acknowledging, I suppose (although I don't like to relive it), that last year was the first Christmas in 3 that wasn't being dominated by Covid, so we were all still finding our feet and finding a way to reinstall our traditions and remind ourselves exactly how we used to celebrate. So maybe this is still an after-effect of all that pandemic malarkey. This time of year has always brought about feelings of togetherness, love and warmth, but in recent memory it's been about separation, fear and The Virus, so it'll take a while for us all to readjust and recover psychologically.
Or maybe I'm the only person feeling like this, and you're all bouncing around full of joy like energetic elves! And if that is true, I am happy for you.

RC 4-12-23

Insomniac Poem, no.89

Time floats by like a catheter.
Drops of thought land on my face
            like snow from a broken ornament.
Hatred burns in my veins like a replicating virus.
My mind tortures me with doubts.

Darkness envelopes the landscape.
Memories destroying my enthusiasm.
Lack of funds equals lack of worth.
My only talent seems to be self-sabotage.

Someday my world will reopen.
Sometime my skills will shine through.
Somehow I'll release the brakes from my soul.
Some night soon I'll sleep.

RC 28-11-23

CC'23

Yesterday's effort was my 200th blog posting of 2023!
If I'd known that in advance I might have put more into it and made it more exciting.
But I didn't, so I didn't.

In a triumph of management skills, I've managed to hold off the onslaught of Christmas music in the office until Friday, which is - alarmingly - December the 1st. There was lots of negotiation involved, over several days of the past two weeks, and the others were quite insistent in their enthusiasm, and so the compromise I had to make was that I would buy everyone else an advent calendar, and provide a box of Roses (or similar) every Friday until the 22nd Dec, and I would also pay for an office-only afternoon buffet sometime the week before The Big Day.
All that, just to avoid a few festive tunes for a few days extra.
Yeah, now I'm thinking about it, maybe it wasn't such a triumph after all.

But, in other news, I'm getting another 'try-out' practice massage from My Beloved tonight, so... yummy... 

RC 27-11-23

A strange and pleasant dream

Normally, my night-time imaginings are traumatic, bizarre and unsettling. Last night, though, I had a dream experience that was wonderful, uplifting and inspiring. For some unknown reason I had been hired to be the General Manager for the Baltimore Ravens NFL franchise, and for some unknown reason they had relocated to Suffolk, so I didn't even have to move out of my current office.
I was tasked with putting together the budget for the forthcoming season, and the owners wanted me to spend exactly $160million. And when I say exactly, I MEAN exactly. Not a single penny either side. They were very insistent on that fact. So I had a spreadsheet set up on the computer, and I had notebooks in front of me on the desk, and I was flicking away at an abacus, which is very unusual for me but somehow made perfect sense within the context of the dream. There were some complications - mostly involving fees being paid to player's agents - but after a lot of wrangling and a bit of an adjustment to the arrangements we had with the guy who mows the field, I was able to deliver what they wanted. And it felt great. Because it had been a real challenge, but I had applied myself and achieved what I set out to do.
Why, you may ask and enquire, did I have this particular dream, and why did it give me such satisfaction? My interpretation would be that it was influenced by the Chancellor releasing his Autumn budget this week, and the fact that it was Thanksgiving in the USA, meaning there were three NFL games on the telly on Thursday.  And - it has to be said - most of my work involves neverending projects and ongoing issues, so it's not very often that I get to have that 'task completed and job well done' feeling in my current job.
Anyway, whatever the motivation and provocation was, it made a nice change from dreaming about my children burning in fires or Philippa getting lost in a foreign cave, so it was nice.

RC 26-11-23

(Possibly inappropriate) haiku

Well, I let the 60th anniversary of JFK's death drift by with barely a sniff of recognition. So I thought I would make up for that fact by watching an old documentary about the life of Lee Harvey Oswald, and writing some commemorative poetry.
It didn't come out quite as nice as I'd planned though....

Dallas, '63
A car; a magic bullet;
An exploding head.

RC 25-11-23

A cheerier poem (for a change)

Sometimes the joy is overwhelming
Sometimes it feels undeserved; accidental
Sometimes I turn it around; turn it in on myself
Make it seem bad, feel bad, be bad

Sometimes it's too much, or not enough
Sometimes it settles where it should
Sometimes I question my own certainty
Make it feel like a weight and a burden

Sometimes I allow myself a glimmer
Sometimes I see the wood for the trees
Sometimes I believe I'm deserving
Make it more often, please...

RC 23-11-23

A Friday Poem (a day late)

I think this might be about Pompeii, but I'm not sure. It was written while trying to go to sleep, and then I had a waking dream about a terror attack, so who knows?

Chaos.
Echoes in the darkness.
Emanating from nothing.
Screams, gut-wrenching and brain-freezing.
Dust and heat, then silence.
A lovely voice.
Young; crying; fearful; lost.
Thousands trapped, tortured.
Wallowing in the swallowing mud.
A new landscape.
An end to life.
History.

RC 18-11-23

Comfort/Discomfort

I feel wasted today. Completely knackered. I'm blaming Philippa, but 'blaming' her in a good way - I think that massage last night absolutely wiped me out, in the way that I think they are supposed to. I feel as if every muscle in my back and shoulders have been removed and replaced with a soft flannel. In a good way, if that makes sense. Anyway, I'd better get on - I need to peel myself off my ultra-comfortable-today office chair and get on with some work. But what I'd really like to do is go to sleep.
I would ask Philippa if we could do this more often, but I fear that if I made it a nightly event I'd end up too relaxed to work at all, and possibly too relaxed to even remember to breathe.

RC 17-11-23

I use brackets too often

We have a party this weekend, that I had completely forgotten about. (By 'we' I mean my wife and I, not my work venue.)
I can't remember this being mentioned before and I swear I don't even recognise the name of the person whose birthday, or engagement, (or whatever) is, who sent the invite. I tried to get out of it by offering to 'sacrifice my own enjoyment' and stay home to look after the boys, so Philippa could go and have fun without the family, but she said, "No, no, it's fine, it's a family event. We're all going."
So now we're all going.
It's quite a drive as well, and obviously we'll have to pack enough stuff to keep our one-year-old and our nearly-five-year-old safe and comfortable, so I may have to rent a large trailer to tow behind us just to make sure we can take everything we need.
I hate to sound uncaring and unsociable but I was really looking forward to a quiet couple of days at home; building Lego sets with Mathew and watching some tennis (ATP Tour Finals concludes on Sunday) and some NFL. Now, instead, I'll be making small talk with people I have nothing in common with and driving for four hours in total while an energetic youngster complains about being stuck in a car again.
Or... maybe, just maybe... it'll be a lovely event and I'll make new friends and have a really nice time and Mathew will be a joy and it'll all be wonderful and enjoyable.
Why do I always look ahead to things with anxiety and with the expectance of a negative experience???
Hmmm - that therapist idea is sounding attractive again.

RC 16-11-23

Cheerier

Having a good day today, thanks. Slept really well last night and seem to have stopped the tsumani of intrusive thoughts that were troubling me throughout my Monday. I still don't understand why my mind has to torture me in that way, but it seems to be something I have to go through occasionally. Just part of being The Rory, I guess. Maybe that call to a therapist would still be a good idea....

In other news, I had a meeting with Colette, our newly-permanently-appointed Head of Children's Entertainment (Planning). (That's not an official title, by the way, she's just a member of staff, really, but permanent now, not seasonal.)
She was the one who made the Hallowe'en events sing this year, and I have to say she has put down some fantastic ideas for Yuletide fun for families this December. I need to persuade Gavin to release a few funds for some provisions and craft supplies, but I'm pretty sure that will go well, as my previous 'let's give it a go and see what happens' ideas have ended up being popular and profitable.

And Philippa is giving me a practice massage tonight. I am looking forward to seeing how her technique and touch have improved now she is further along with her studies!
('Practice massage' doesn't mean anything dodgy or specific, by the way, it just means she is using me to practice her massaging. That's all.)

RC 16-11-23

Past Imperfect Imperfections

Fuelled by lack of sleep and insanity, I have found myself unexpectedly wallowing in my own past today. I keep having weird little flashbacks to things I did at university, or things that happened when I was young at home, or things I did wrong in relationships in the years before The Philippa.
Why is this happening?
I have no idea, but I seem unable to stop it. It's been a long, long time since I dwelled on any of this stuff, and yet today it seems to be dominating my thoughts and repelling my best efforts to reject it. It's as if one minor memory opened up a door that was subsequently kicked in by everything I've done before that I think might be questionable or shameful. I mean - it's not as if my younger years were packed full of immoral or criminal behaviour; in fact in many ways my past life is embarrassingly uneventful, but today I seem to be recriminating myself ruthlessly and mercilessly and unforgivingly. Every little misplaced comment, or misinterpreted emotion, or strange motive is being thrown at me by my own mind and it's making me feel quite horrible.
Maybe it's a sign that I have changed as a person, and that my 39-year-old self is looking back on its previous person as one it is not proud of. Maybe it's a consequence of being a parent - I want to be a great role model for my children and I have to accept that at times I simply have not been that (even though I wasn't a parent when I 'committed' those supposed 'atrocities'.)
Maybe I just have a really good life right now, but being a slightly depressive and self-loathing personality, I am having to look back to find reasons to feel bad about myself.
Whatever the catalyst, it has affected me so much today that I am seriously thinking of looking up local therapists and seeing if I can get a quick appointment.

Actually, having re-read what I've just written, I think I may have the answer myself, without the need to approach a specialist: I am rapidly approaching 40, and it is obviously affecting my subconscious more than I wish to admit....

RC 13-11-23

Insomnia Poem, no.71

Silence is the worst.
Noise - chatter, radio, songs, traffic - is a defence against the darkness, barricading the turrets of my mind against the invading army of intrusive thoughts.
Night is the hardest.
Light - lifegiving, solar beauty - fills my days with hope. When I can see the world, it feels less scary. The imagination is safely locked away.

My inner demon is a cunning foe.
He hides, he listens, he picks out key phrases from conversations and throws them at me when I'm alone and unguarded.
He whispers in my ear when I am feeling joyous, reminding me that I don't deserve this, that it will end.

I wish I had the power to control him.
I wish I could laugh off his comments.
I wish his twisted wisdom didn't influence how I feel.
I wish my love for others wasn't altered by his lies.
I wish I could destroy him, as easily as he destroys me.
I wish he was as powerless as I feel when he controls me.
I wish I could shut him the fuck up.

RC 12-11-23

Random Solo Haiku

With recent weather
We see Suffolk changed and damp
New look to old home

So much rain did fall
The fields resemble rivers
and farms are flooded

Biblical landscape
All is soaked, and soaked in grey
Noah is needed...

RC 10-11-23

Voyage Ho! (well... soon)

I've booked a little holiday!
It was pointed out to me that I have rather a lot of 'accumulated entitlement' days to use up. I thought I'd carved through them when I was spending time with Rian, but apparently that comes from a different 'allocation pot'. I don't see how it works, but I'm not going to argue. (A little pointer for you there if you are plotting your own future career path: management - who you would think should be onsite more often than others - tend to get a lot more holiday) So I've booked us a little visit to a nice family-friendly hotel a little further south and a little further inland. We could have had a free visit to one of Gavin's other sites, but last thing I want is to be in a caravan, and as much as the idea of a seaside break and a Winter walk on the beach is tempting, we wouldn't want to be holed up in a mobile home while Storm Something-or-Other batters the outside world and renders the whole trip pointless. So we'll be comfortable and cosy in a well-reviewed 4-star family-run establishment at least 150 miles from the coast.

RC 9-11-23

Planning (too far?) Ahead

Well, it's not just the people I work with that are going a bit hell-for-leather with Xmas Xcitement is it? Every shop I go into now seems to have been invaded by a tinsel artist and been completely redecorated and rebranded. I suppose I should be grateful that it has only started apace in November, and I suppose I should remember that until very recently I myself was a part of this planning-so-far-ahead-its-embarrassing melee that goes on in the world of retail every Autumn. I have so many horrible memories of my time at the supermarket, and many of them are based around the awful meetings we had to endure - normally in Spring - about how to maximise December profits and how to manipulate the populous to get them buying earlier and earlier each year.  I really could go on about it for hours, but I really don't want to. What's the point of leaving something behind you if all you're going to do is relive it years later?
No thanks.
So instead I shall tell you that I am now amusing myself in the quiet times at work by practising the harmonica again, for the first time in ages. I've told my colleagues I'm learning 'Jingle Bells' ready for the Christmas party, but in truth I'm trying to get my head around the solo from Neil Young's 'Harvest Moon'. I have this ambition to perform it at a beach party next year, late in Summer, while the sun slowly sinks below the horizon. That gives me about nine months to get it right, which even by my amateurish standards should be more than enough.

RC 8-11-23

I am the Music Man

The annual 'When Is The Right Time To Start Listening to Christmas Tunes In The Office?' debate has erupted in full force this week. I am keeping out of it this year by hiding in my own room and playing my own choice of music loudly for myself to enjoy. I am finding the original motion picture soundtrack of "Pirates of the Caribbean" particularly pleasing at the moment. Very stirring, very bold, and the perfect background accompaniment while I tap away at the keyboard trying to finish a proposal for a new extension to the leisure club, which we are hoping to get in place by next Summer.  It's no wonder I get confused about what time of year it is - in late Summer I'm planning Hallowe'en, by mid-September I'm trying to finalise Christmas, and now two days after Bonfire Night I'm already having to think about June 2024.
But, all that aside, I am NOT ready to start hearing Last sodding Christmas.

RC 7-11-23

Has it really been a year?

It was, lest you had forgotten, young Rian's first birthday yesterday. My youngest son is one already!!! I have no idea how that has happened. I guess, when they're at their littlest, you are just taking it one minute at a time and keeping them alive as best you can, and gradually those minutes add up and before you know it, 12 months have gone. We celebrated in typical low-key Chesworth fashion and had about 40 different people dropping in at different times during the day. The house is full of new teddy bears and lots of flowers. And streamers. And balloons. And God knows what else... People really are very generous when there are young children involved, which is lovely, and Mathew is now well and truly in the mood for Christmas after seeing so many presents in the house yesterday.
I seem to be mellowing somewhat when it comes to social interaction. Time was that I would dread the thought of people just turning up unannounced and do everything in my power to avoid any kind of open-house, at-home shenanigans. But in recent years it seems to have become quite a welcome thing. Maybe the simple act of becoming a father has changed me on that front - possibly because I'm so used to the house being in a state of utter chaos anyway that filling it with unexpected guests barely makes me blink. Or maybe it's because I've got so used to dealing with people all the time at work. Whatever the reason might be, I am enjoying it and I am proud of my progress, even if I don't feel I can take credit for it.
I will leave you with a quote from Samantha at work today: "Has it been a year? It's about time you started working on the next one really..." If I could find a reason to fire her, I would.

RC 6-11-23

My first entry in Nov

Been a strange week. I think I suffered a bit from the old 'After the Lord Mayor's show' virus because last week was just so busy and this week just so isn't.
Plus - for the first time since May half-term - I am not at work on a Saturday! So that just feels a bit weird and has left me feeling a bit unsettled.
The good thing is that it's Fireworks weekend, which is one of my favourite annual human-created events; and Mathew is now old enough to know what is going on and enjoy it! The bad thing is that the weather is threatening to torpedo every available planned display and we may be reduced to buying our own box of sparklers and spending an hour on the beach. Which, now I've written it down here, sounds like it could actually be quite delightful. I've always preferred the smaller, more intimate Bonfire Night affairs, where a small village all gathers at the scout hut and enjoys mugs of soup and a hot dog, rather than the 10,000-people-in-a-muddy-field, overcrowded, overpriced 'Extravaganzas' that big towns and cities put on. So maybe we narrow it right down to only four or five people and have The Ultimate Intimate Experience. Or we could just do what we did during the 2020 Lockdown and watch loads of YouTube clips of huge fireworks displays while sitting indoors in the warm and eating crisps.

RC 4-11-23

Insomnia strikes again

I came home from work utterly exhausted and seemingly seconds away from sleeping. Now, six hours later, I am still wide awake....
I don't know how this happens, or why, but I suppose the huge amounts of caffeinated drinks and leftover party sweets may have had something to do with it.
Thank God I have the NFL to amuse myself with. I know it's only Chargers vs Bears, but it's better than staring at the bedroom ceiling.
I think...

RC 30-10-23
0205 BST!

Rory Time

I felt really good this morning and couldn't work out why, then suddenly remembered that we changed the clocks last night so I'd had an hours sleep more than I realised. So maybe it was that.
It's normally quite a depressing day for me - the last Sunday in October - because it signals the onset of the much darker evenings, but I think I'm too busy or too tired, or both, to get down today. Or maybe I've just hit an age where I have resigned myself to these inevitabilities and just accept them. Or maybe I like the fact that Greenwich Mean Time is the proper time, rather than the artificial manufactured British Summer Time, so it all feels more natural now we're in GMT. But then - that's a load of bollocks too, because the whole concept of time is an artificial human construct and the way we structure our days has bugger all to do with natural rhythms and everything to do with trying to control the world while being controlled ourselves.
I think we should all choose our own time structure to work within. For me, I'd have Mondays only last an hour, and divide the extra hours equally between Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I think that means it would be about 4pm on a Saturday right now, but I can't be sure, and I really don't have the motivation to sit and work it all out, so I think the best thing for me to do right now is be grateful that I'm not depressed even though we changed the clocks, be mindful that I always survive Winter no matter how much I dread it every year, and get motivated to get my arse over to the ballroom where the afternoon festivities are about to kick in...

RC 29-10-23

Full-time Events Manager? No thanks!

This week has utterly exhausted me, and I've still got another big party to work my way through tomorrow! Thankfully, it's just the same as Friday's, so it should run itself pretty seamlessly (he said with fingers crossed, and probably using the wrong word...)
I have to say that it is lovely seeing the delight on children's faces when they manage to find our hidden pumpkins, or they manage to snag an apple off our washing line, or they see their design become a reality in a pumpkin carving session, or they meet our fun witch characters (thank you, local amateur dramatics group) or they win a fancy dress competition or when they learn a new dance (or one of the other multitude of activities we've been putting on for them in the past 10 days or so) but it is also very, very tiring to achieve that delight.
I'd like to say it'll all be over after tomorrow's fun-filled party day, but of course we still have families on site until the end of the week, and of course it's only 5 weeks or so until we start our Christmas activities and events...
I really have created a Hellscape for myself born of my own ideas....

RC 28-10-23

Gourds and gratitude

The week seems to be simultaneously flying by and dragging along like a lame horse. I can't quite believe it's Thursday already, even though it also feels like Saturday is a lifetime away. I suppose I could say the same thing about 2023 as a whole, but I've bored you enough over the years with my musings on time passing and how weird it is, so I'll shut up about that now.

I managed to find a local farmer who is happy to donate us 50 more large pumpkins, and is happy to deliver them today, and is happy to bring his tractor and trailer onsite, and is even happy to let the visiting children sit on the back of his trailer for some photos! I may have said unpleasant things about farmers in the past - often with good reason, to be fair - but Gerald of Moore's Farm is an absolute gentleman and I can't wait to meet him and shake him by the hand. And now we can let the families who were disappointed on Monday after we ran out of pumpkins come back in and have a go at the activity this afternoon.
Colette, the member of staff who I mentioned yesterday, was so happy to agree to run the workshop again, and then burst into tears when I told her we're going to find a way to keep her on right through the Winter. See, originally we had extended her zero hours contract to the end of this week, so we could have her here to help for Hallowe'en half-term. Then we were going to let her go until Easter next year, then bring her back to do the Children's Club again throughout the busier months. But she is just so damn good at what she does, and so damn good with children, that I don't want to risk her going off and finding 'a proper job' during the Winter that will mean we lose her. So I've managed to persuade Gavin to free up funds for a part-time position for the next six months or so, so we can keep her on staff. There's loads she can help out with, and we'll be doing special Christmas open days for the local folk to come in and enjoy, and she's perfect to be involved in those.
I told her this morning and I must be honest, I was worried she might turn us down, but she was so happy she was shaking. She said later that when I asked her to pop in and see me in my office, she thought I was going to fire her for not ordering enough pumpkins or something!
So, anyway, I have managed to manage someone in a good way, and made them very happy, and that doesn't happen often so I am very, very content right now.

RC 26-10-23

Clarifications and carving

Just to clear up a small matter arising from yesterday's blog posting - Yes, I said our big Hallowe'en Party is on Friday. And in previous years, it has been on the Sunday nearest the 31st (and actually on the 31st two years ago..) This year, I have gone a bit mad and doubled-up on everything. A lot of our bookings this October are Saturday to Saturday, so families here for their half-term break might have gone home already and miss out on the big date; so I've booked a party day for Friday, then another one for Sunday. The park won't be quite as busy, but there are different dates for half-term depending on where you go to school in this lovely country of ours, so we will still have a good number of visitors onsite, AND we're selling tickets to local families and even giving some freebies out to local schools and things like scout groups, so it'll be two big events in three days, each with a different crowd.
You can imagine how happy my staff are about that! Getting to do this madness on top of their usual duties...

Anyway, the week has started well. We have all sorts of themed activities going on every day, and the Pumpkin Carving Workshop this afternoon was ridiculously busy! We have a girl who helped out in our Children's Club in the Summer who we have kept on as a part-time employee, with a view to having her as a permanent member of staff for next Summer. I had asked her to plan and run the workshop today and she went above and beyond, and then some! She'd watched loads of YouTube tutorials and done some truly amazing, artistic, intricate designs to put on display. She kept it simple for the little ones, and printed off some nice stencil sheets for them to use, but it was lovely to see them getting into it and being creative.
But my God pumpkin innards leave a hell of a mess in a ballroom!

RC 23-10-23

Lay-ins and Lights

While I think of it - please remind me NOT to sit up all night Monday/Tuesday. The 49ers are live on Sky Sports again and I do NOT want to make the same mistake I made a couple of weeks ago. Thanks in advance for your help.

Been a lovely day today, tempered somewhat by the horrible late-Autumn feel to it all, and the depressing realisation that we change the clocks next weekend, so it'll be dark next Sunday by about 5pm.
Offsetting that, it will be a busier week at work as we'll be full of families again, celebrating half-term; and we'll have the 3rd Annual (I think) Rory Hallowe'en Extravaganza Party to look forward to. All is in place now, it's just a case of making sure everyone that we booked to come along has confirmed arrival times and then I can get on with the job of selling it to the few tourists onsite this week who hadn't already ordered their tickets when they booked their holidays in the first place.
A few extras this year - Crazy Golf with added ghosts and ghouls on the course, a 'Hidden Pumpkin' trail where children have to search for (guess what?) hidden pumpkins and win a big bag of sweets if they find them all, and we're going to do a 'Lantern Parade' after the big party on Friday. There's an activity in the afternoon where the children get to make their own lanterns, then we'll go for a character-led march around the whole site after it gets dark.
Yes, I stole the idea from an attraction in Norfolk, but we're putting our own twist on it, and anyway - none of our visitors will be driving Northwards to see that attraction anyway, so sod 'em.

RC 22-10-23

Unexpected

I had to deal with the Police today. Not something I'm overly familiar with, thankfully.
They rang early and said they needed to see the manager about a particular matter, so I invited them in for an early afternoon chat. Nothing to worry about, it turns out, just a little disagreement between two individuals, one of whom happened to work here over the Summer and who has claimed to have been working here on certain dates, by way of an alibi. I'm not allowed to say any more than that, and in fact I probably shouldn't even have told you that much, but I think I'm on safe ground. It's not as if The Powers That Be have the ability to monitor absolutely everything that absolutely everyone puts on the internet and it's not as if they would stoop so low as to keep all that stuff linked in files about each of us and have algorithms that would flag up anything that might incriminate us as being guilty of anything minor or major... So I think I'm ok.
Anyway, the point is that they were very pleasant to deal with and seemed to have a real grasp on the world around them and a real passion for providing the public with a service they could be proud of, so that gave me a nice feeling for the rest of the day.

RC 19-10-23

I like balls (occasionally)

I have to say that I am enjoying both the Rugby Union and ICC Cricket World Cups. The latter, especially, as I can have the radio coverage on in the background in my office while I'm typing away doing other things. There is something terrific about the BBC Radio cricket broadcasts. They really do seem to have found the perfect team and the perfect format and it's just delightful to listen to, whether you're a dedicated fan of the game or just a casual dipper-in-and-out like myself.
It's weird how I get interested in sports when it's a big event. I wouldn't normally give two figs for the rugby (or 'NFL Lite') but when the World Cup comes around, every few years or so, I do find myself getting a bit enthused. It's not a patriotic thing either, I think it's more to do with an admiration of elite sportsmanship. If you're watching every piffling little encounter for nine months of the year you're not going to see much in the way of top quality; but if you tune in for the ultimate tournament in the sport you're more likely to see the best of the best playing against the best of the best from other countries, and all presumably giving it their all in the pursuit of the biggest prize available to them. It's why I drop into sports during the Olympics that I then forget about for another four years. Table Tennis ain't exactly a riveting watch, let's be honest, but if there's a Gold Medal on the line I'll happily watch them jump around the table with a paddle in their hand for an hour or two.
Which reminds me - I must have a look at ticket availability for Paris 2024. It's not that far away now, both geographically and timewise.

RC 18-10-23