I’m still in Haemorrhoid Hell.
I haven’t checked up my arse with a mirror, but I bet it looks like a burst red grapefruit.
I called NHS Direct for some advice today. The lady said “I know it can be uncomfortable, but as long as you’re not passing blood there’s no need to worry..”
I said “How long can this go on for?”
She said “They normally clear up within two weeks”
I said “Jesus, I can’t take this for another fortnight…”
To distract myself from the horror, I’ve written a Christmas poem:
Philippa and me
and a Christmas tree
That’s how perfect life can be
Swapping gifts
and a mistletoe kiss
Life doesn’t get much better than this
A walk in the snow
A Christmas glow
and fat men shouting “Ho! Ho! Ho!”
A Winter cheer
A glass of beer
and me standing up all day to alleviate the pain up my arse because it feels like I’ve been raped by a bear..
Damn it, I was doing so well…
RC 18-12-12
No comments:
Post a Comment