Cringey Year-End Look-Back

I started the year approaching the end of my time as a Supermarket Filling Station Area-Mini-Sub-Division Executive-Assistant-Manager (or whatever the hell my job title was) and ended the year feeling chuffed and proud at the career change I made and the way I survived it.
(I’ll try and make the rest of this 2021 Review slightly more understandable than that first bit!).

A few Rory Awards to hand out:
BEST FILM I SAW THIS YEAR –The Peanut Butter Falcon
BEST DAY OF THE YEAR – probably the Hallowe’en party at work
BIGGEST SURPRISE OF THE YEAR – The Queen is still alive at the end of it
BEST MEAL OF THE YEAR – Christmas dinner with my siblings
MOST LISTENED TO SONG OF THE YEAR – ‘Let It Be’ by The Beatles

Ok, I’m bored now. Not so much for me the tired, traditional reflections. Time to pour myself a big glass of sparkling wine, open myself a big bag of tangy cheese Doritos, and see off 2021 with an overdue viewing of “Spider-Man: Into the Spiderverse”.

RC 31-12-21

More Festive reflections

What can I say that I haven’t already bored you with in December postings over the past 14 years or so?
I love Christmas, and I consider it to be a lengthy event rather than a single occurrence; a fortnight of festive celebrations, not a day of presents and turkey. I get a warm glow that lasts right through until my birthday, and then my birthday celebrations take me right through to Spring. This year, more than ever, I am feeling contented, satisfied, happy, fulfilled and grateful.
I don’t really want to share too much with you about our little family get-together, because it was personal to us, and wouldn’t mean much to anyone else, and I don’t want to bore you with loads of stories about a group of people you’re not familiar with beyond the things I’ve written about them in this blog. I’m not one of those people who post countless photos of their movements on social media, and I’m not a fan of the people who do. I genuinely have NO interest in what your average, everyday person is doing in their average, everyday lives, and I think there is something wrong with anyone who shares their private lives publicly as if they’re a character in The World’s Most Important Soap Opera. I know I’m in a minority, but I do believe that what goes on behind closed doors with your nearest and dearest should only be accessible to the people that are there, not plastered all over the internet for all and sundry to gawp at and compare themselves to.
What I’m trying to say, and hopefully not causing too much offence whilst doing so, is that I have ZERO interest in the minutiae of most people’s lives, and I cannot understand why anyone else would be interested in the minutiae of mine, so I shall not be sharing what we did, or didn’t do, or talked about, during our Christmas break.
(Having said all that - and knowing full well I may come across as a hypocrite - I have every intention of keeping this blogsite going throughout 2022!)
So all I will say is this: family is everything, and mine is an absolute gem. Time together is important in the extreme, and after the horror of having to keep away from loved ones during lockdowns and surges and waves and variants, it was such an absolute joy to be together and enjoy each other and to not be thinking about case numbers or symptoms or PCRs.
Christmas 2020 was brilliant in its own way, but 2021 has reminded me just how much I love this time of year, and why. If you get it, you don’t need me to explain it to you, and if you don’t, then nothing I can say will change your mind, and I pity you.

RC 30-12-21

Feeling, I admit, a bit flat

Well, here we are – back at home, on The Other Side Of The Madness; in that strange little lost world of limbo between Dec 26^th and 31^st, that I like to call ‘Christmas, Part 3’ and which the commercial world has started calling “Betwixtmas”.
We had an amazing time at our cute little holiday cottage. All the Chesworth siblings together in the countryside, indulging in a magical little world of escapism that we created ourselves. Toys a-plenty for Mathew, food a-plenty for everyone, and drinks a-plenty, a-plenty, if that makes sense. Champagne for Christmas Day, a bottle of port for Boxing Day, and litres of wine and gin for everything else. Turkey, trimmings and tinsel; crackers, cheese and chocolates; puddings, pickles and peanuts. So many sprouts it was sickening, and so much stuffing it was stifling. Mince pies, macadamias, Milk Tray; pigs in blankets and Pringles. Gateaux, roulade, Viennetta.  Our combined weight gain over the past few days is probably 70 kilograms. It was the Christmas we never had as children, and the Christmas we were denied last year. We more than made up for lost time and I am more than overflowing with happiness. If family love was a Spinal Tap amp, then my dial would be firmly at 11.
God, I love Christmas.

RC 29-12-21

Last one before... you know...

Just a quick one from to say that I hope you have a happy and healthy Christmas!
Indulge, enjoy and wrap yourselves in the loving glow of family festivities.

And just another quick thought, as I’ve been watching the World Darts Championships this week – Why is there not yet a professional darts player nicknamed “The Bull-hitter”???

MERRY CHRISTMAS, BABY!!

RC 23-12-21

Solstice Joy Be Upon You

I am a contented little ball of Christmas cheer today. I feel healthier than I have for most of December, I am relaxed at work instead of charging around like a lunatic (as with previous Xmasses) and we are so organised at home that we have literally nothing to do as far as buying or wrapping presents. The house is decorated in a full-on festive manner, everything is prepped and ready for our little jaunt away (which will go ahead regardless of anything that gets decided by the government! Sorry to sound uncommitted to the pandemic cause, but we’re all vaccinated and all being careful, and we’ve made the decision as a family group NOT to avoid each other. The risks outweigh the alternatives, we feel) and Mathew is being suitably wound up – by me – to get him as hyper as possible now he is starting to understand the concept of Santa!
His birthday, yesterday, was wonderful, by the way. We had planned a little party at a soft-play area, but with things being as they are, and with the soft-play area being so enclosed and unventilated, we took the decision to cancel that, much to the relief of all other parents concerned, I think. Instead we had a great day at home, making an absolute fuss of him, making sure he understood that he was the centre of attention, and why, and generally enjoying the joys of a joyous family day together.

Let me update you on advent calendar pictures…
I think you’ve missed out on a sprig of holly, a pine tree, a reindeer from the neck up, a cracker, an elf, a Xmas card and an angel.
Only 3 more windows to go!!! (as mine is a traditional one and ends on Christmas Eve, as all the best advent calendars should).

RC 21-12-21

Ten days til Xmas Eve!

I’ve been a bit lazy and low-key with entries so far this month, so I’ll try and make this a longer one.

First today – the moany bit. I’ve been feeling poorly AGAIN. Either that bloody ‘supercold’ came back at me again, or I’ve picked up another cold just a few days after shaking off the remnants of the previous one, or its not a cold at all and is something else entirely, which is manifesting cold-like symptoms that keep returning on a weekly basis. I’m trying not to think too much about Option 3 there, but I do have some deep-rooted hypochondriac tendencies, so it’s difficult not to worry.

Philippa has had her booster jab, but I haven’t. I want to try and get one in the next week or so, because we don’t want our family Xmas plans scuppered by the pesky Omicron. I’m not going to mention any more about that though, because quite frankly I’m sick to death of the whole bloody thing and don’t want to waste any more sentences on it.

What have you missed re: advent calendars? Well, I’ve given up on the chocolate one, as every day was a square of Dairy Milk and it was getting a bit samey, and the non-chocolate one has fallen out of favour a bit, although I’m continuing to open the windows. It concerns me that the main picture is a lovely, traditional nativity scene, yet all the daily pictures are of the commercial side of Christmas. In the past few days I’ve had a sleigh, a Santa hat, a stocking, and some tinsel. Next year I might just make my own and be done with it. Or get someone else to make one for me, so the pictures are still a surprise.

Work has been a great deal of fun. The last two weeks have been like the last few days at school – we’re all in cheery mood, no-one is working too hard and there’s lots of Christmassy treats being brought in on a daily basis. January will be busier as we sort out permanent residents vacating for their annual month away, but that doesn’t need tackling yet and is not impeding on our relaxation and enjoyment of December. There may have been odd days of stress and pain this year, and there may have been long times where I felt completely clueless and out of my depth, but I’m so glad I made the career change.

RC 14-12-21

The Past should remain just that

I’m still getting my head around the fact that I don’t have to work myself to death through December, like normal. Everything is so relaxed at the holiday sites now, and there’s so little to do compared with the madness of March to October, and compared to the Yuletide madness I used to encounter at the garages. I feel like I’ve got so much time to do everything. Family hours at home, Christmas shopping, decorating the tree and the house, wrapping things, getting prepared for our days away – it all seems to be happening in good time and with very little stress. It’s unheard of. I’m not used to this nice, relaxed pre-Christmas period, and having time to build up to The Big Day. I’m normally rushing around like a madman and having 357 different things to deal with as a manager. If I ever seem tempted to go back to that kind of work environment, kindly shoot me in the head.

The Dairy Milk advent calendar is getting a bit samey now, but the traditional, pictures-only one had a silver bell behind the door today, which was nice.

RC 8-12-21

Rory's Weirdreams Return

Yeah – I had another one of my unbelievably unbelievable overnight dream scenarios play out in my unusual subconscious sleepworld last night.
Somehow, someway, I had carved a career as a manager for a rock band that was made up of a group of nuns. They sang four-part harmony versions of well-known hymns with a full-on rock rhythm. We were in the process of putting together a promotional tour to help sales of our album of Christmas carols, and the band were called “Wet for Jesus”.
Sometimes even I wonder what is wrong with me.

RC 7-12-21

The Christmas spirit is strong in this one...

My evening can be summed us thus: “festive fun hanging gaudy shit on a fake pine tree”.
Bloody marvellous, and I can’t wait to see Mathew’s reaction when he sees it in the morning!
What was behind my advent calendar door today, I hear you ask?
A picture of a mince pie….
And I’m now about to eat one. How apt.

RC 3-12-21

Advent Calendar Update

For the past few years, working as I was in the exciting and soul-destroying world of retail and fuel supply, I had a plethora of advent calendar choices open to me. It was so easy to grab a Cadbury’s Heroes Reward-A-Day Special, or a ‘Mum’s Favourite’ Maltesers one (with the added bonus of extra doors to open all the way to New Year’s Eve!)
This year, being away from all that non-religious, commercial-driven tat and pap, I have been able to make a more reasoned choice. There’s a posh arty place not too far from our home, which sells pricey trinkets and home-made craft gubbins and occasionally display paintings by local artists. We popped in last week and I was delighted to see they were selling traditional style advent calendars; the ones I used to have in my youth; the ones WITHOUT any chocolate or gifts. Even though it was £8.99 for something that was essentially a bit of cardboard, I happily purchased a nice nativity scene calendar, and it is proudly displayed next to our television at home. So far, behind my daily windows, I have seen a nice image of a holly wreath and a bright, silver star, and I have been immensely proud of myself for being old-school about it all and not indulging in a daily excuse for chocolate.
And then, on the way to work, I stopped for some petrol, and found myself impulse buying a Dairy Milk calendar for a fiver.
Make of that what you will.

RC 2-12-21

Annual Advent Eve Excitement

It is the last day of November! It’s unbelievable how quickly this month has gone by for me. Tomorrow we enter my favourite month of the year, which also happens to be our busiest month of the year for birthdays, anniversaries and celebrations. I love it all, and this year we have the added bonus of me NOT working in an industry where December is the most profitable month, and where the people running the company you work for are constantly driving you on to sell more, more, more. More than last year; more than your competitors; more than other stores in the same company.
I am EXTREMELY glad to be out of all that.
And I am EXTREMELY glad that I managed to use the word ‘more’ four times in a row in this blog posting, with it still making sense!

RC 30-11-21

Forgive me for this, but...

It is seen as very childish to talk about poo, but it is a bodily function that we do every day and I don’t see why we should shy away from it. When you become a parent, it becomes a bit of an obsession. Is the baby pooing enough? Or too much? Have we got enough nappies to keep him clean? Should we take spare clothes in case we have a leak around the sides of the nappy? Will there be changing facilities where we’re going or will we end up changing him on the table? Why is his shit GREEN for God’s sake?
Etc. Etc.
Anyway, the reason I mention it is that I have just blocked the toilet at work so badly that I have had to call a maintenance man out. I blame Beryl. Normally, my bowel movements are reassuringly regular and satisfyingly solid, but what came out of me today was like something you’d see in the rhino pen at a zoo.  The sheer volume of what I ate yesterday, coupled with the fact that it was a bizarre combination of sweet treats, succulent sauces, rich ingredients and alcohol-laden pastry products, has obviously given my digestive system no option but to ‘abort and reset’ by throwing the whole lot out in one awe-inspiring, gasp-inducing expulsion. I feel exhausted, and yet strangely proud of my body for the way it has dealt with the onslaught I put it through on Sunday.
Now I think I need to stick to toast, soups and salads for a few days.

Apologies to you all for writing about it, and apologies to Joe for having to fix the toilet.

RC 29-11-21
1655 GMT

Already looking forward to April

Holiday centres take on a weird, other-worldly feel when the weather is bad. It’s a bit like looking at pictures of a Christmas dinner when you’re already full, or being told about a great shop that has recently closed down. Actually, those aren’t great examples of what I’m trying to say, but they’ll do for now.
The point is – our sites are created and maintained to be colourful areas of fun and vacation, and now it’s dark and drizzly all day, they seem a bit out of place and unusable. Haunting, in a way.
Hasn’t it been bloody cold in the past few days? After that lovely, long, lazy Autumn that stretched nicely into mid-November, Winter has arrived with a vengeance and in full force. I’m wearing warmer clothes, but by the time I’ve walked from the car park to the office I’m shivering and reaching for the coffee pot.

RC 29-11-21

So full its frightening

I have, somehow, managed to survive the onslaught of Beryl’s Annual Extravaganza Of Christmassy Culinary Delights. I was so uncomfortable driving home that I had to stop twice to stretch out and help my stomach in its attempts at recovery.
Beryl once again surpassed herself. I’m not sure how many times someone can surpass themselves before they reach a point beyond which they cannot advance, but knowing Beryl she’ll keep on pushing and probing and finding new ways to amaze and astonish us in her ongoing quest to achieve Yuletide feasting perfection.
Where do I start?
We had a mince pie with a cup of tea shortly after arriving. The mince pies were shortcut pastry made with so much butter they were yellow, and containing enough brandy to keep a city-wide fire fuelled for a fortnight. After that rather indulgent starter we had about seven hours of tasters and titbits that left me salivating and stuffed in equal measure. I’m not sure how many courses she’s planning to produce for her family on Christmas Day, but if she ends up doing EVERYTHING we sampled today, they won’t stop eating til Easter.
The woman is a genius.
Or dangerous.
Or possibly both.
She’s a dangerous genius, like the people working on A.I. or the scientists who created the hydrogen bomb.
I think my personal favourites today were the honey-glazed carrots, roasted until they were borderline crispy, and the parsnips, which had been grown in Ted’s allotment this year, and which Beryl finished off in a fryer. SO tasty.
There were other assorted brilliances, but I know that at least two of Beryl’s children like to read this blog from time to time, and I don’t want to ruin any surprises she has planned, so I shall stop here. But let me just tell you, if you’re lucky enough to be spending December 25^th where we spent today, you are in for a day of exceptional flavours and ridiculously rich gravy. I would advise wearing loose-fitting trousers.

RC 28-11-21

Parenthood... Pah!

Mathew is being a little terror.
There’s no other way of putting it. He’s being a boisterous, unpleasant, narky, snarky, tantrum-throwing, mood-inducing ball of anger and attitude. People always talk about ‘The Terrible Twos’ and I was confidently (and foolishly) saying we’d got away with it. But now, less than a month shy of his third birthday, he has obviously decided to make up for lost time and to make our lives a bit Hellish. I keep trying to use the ‘Santa doesn’t visit naughty boys’ angle, but he’s too young to remember previous Christmasses and therefore impervious to the threats. He is waking us up with a scowl on his face, spending all day pushing our buttons, treating us as if we are the root cause of all the world’s problems, and then refusing to go to bed.
I love him, and he’s brilliant, and I know this is just a stage, and I know we’ll get through it, but right now our homelife is a struggle.

RC 26-11-21
2220 GMT

Am I becoming The Hulk?

With my recent bouts of annoying ‘illness’ and with me feeling generally run-down and susceptible to infections, I have gone back to using Berocca. For those of you unfamiliar, they are chalky pills that you drop into a glass of water, that fizz up into an orangey flavoured drink that gives you lots of artificially-created vitamins and supplements.
I used to take them a lot, then I stopped completely, and I have to say that this morning has reminded me why I ceased.
I have just been to the toilet and my piss is light green….

RC 26-11-21

May need an ambulance Monday

We are off to Ted and Beryl’s this weekend, for one of her ‘Christmas Is Coming And I Want To Try Out Some New Recipes On Friends Before I Prepare Them For My Family On 25^th December’ overindulgence extravaganzas.
I wonder how much longer she’ll be doing these things. She’ll kill me if I reveal her age here, but she’s not on the shy side of 70, and has had a few health problems and ‘little issues’ over the past 10 years. She has slowed down and toned down her efforts, but she still insists on being the host for a full-on Yuletide indulgence with her family every year, and who are we to stand in the way of her annual fun?  Getting old is not a fun thing to deal with, but the ones who deal with it best are the ones who keep themselves active and refuse to give up and succumb, so the longer she keeps on going the better her later years will be, I hope.
And my small part in that process is to sit my arse on her sofa and gorge myself on whatever culinary delights she is producing for Christmas 2021.
I have a feeling this year may be even more exceptional than usual. With the minor irritation of Covid last year, she wasn’t allowed to have a big gathering like normal, so she couldn’t be quite as outlandish. With (hopefully) no restrictions in attendance, she can let herself go, throw her shackles to the wind, and produce a feast for the ages that will be talked about Christmasses hence ad infinitum.

I feel like this posting is not making sense. I am getting so excited typing about food that I am salivating profusely and my fingers are trembling. I seem to be throwing down random words and making up phrases without really thinking what they might mean, and how they might read. So I shall leave it there for now and try and be more coherent tomorrow.
I’m REALLY looking forward to Sunday, though….

RC 24-11-21

Trumpet blowing

I had a meeting with Gavin today, which was a combination of a supervision, a performance review, a planning meeting, a business lunch and an onsite inspection. True of most of my ‘meetings’ with Gavin, it involved sitting in a decent gastropub eating a fine meal and drinking lots of coffee.
It went very well, I have to say.
From previous employment, I’m used to these sort of encounters being an exercise in frustration; a waste-of-time, box-ticking extravaganza of closed-eared bosses indulging in corporate line-toeing and meaningless Management Wankspeak. Many are the days I have sat in bland Meeting Rooms, or participating in online conference calls, wishing for the time to pass quicker so I could get the hell away from the over-promoted pricks and fresh-out-of-uni power-dressers who make up most Senior Management teams in the world of retail. For every good idea suggested by a participant, there are a dozen monumentally stupid, ill-advised ‘blue-sky-thinking’ gimmicks that end up taking valuable man hours away from already over-tired employees and causing more problems than they solve.
Anyway – if I may pause to breathe here for a moment – that wasn’t the case today, and will never be the case for me again, unless something goes horribly wrong.
So, to summarise, Gavin is very, very pleased with the new structure he put in place this year, and my part in it. There may still be a few tweaks to the ‘who does what’ playbook, as we reflect on a first season together and learn from it, but all in all we all seem happy with each other, and confident that 2022 will see even more improvements and even more enjoyment from all concerned.
And I shall celebrate tonight by eating a large chunk of Mint Viennetta as my dessert…..

RC 23-11-21

Coming soon - CHRISTMAS!

Sorry for mentioning it early (only apologising to those who think the Yuletide build-up shouldn’t start until we’re in December) but it is wonderful to be facing The Onset of Advent without the usual full-on nutty busy-ness that comes from working in the retail industry. I can’t remember the last time I was approaching the last month of the year without apprehension about keeping shelves stocked, not running out of petrol, or avoiding confrontations with insane over-shopping pensioners and angry mums determined to get the last Cadburys calendar on the last day of November. I shudder now, remembering some of the crap I had to put up with when people were trying to get their groceries for The Big Day. Most supermarkets are only closed for about 30 hours these days and yet most customers attack the store like it’s the apocalypse and the only way their family survive is if they get their hands on a year’s supply of mince pies and enough Pringles to sink an aircraft carrier.
This year should be tame in comparison; relaxed and much, much calmer.
I am, to say the least, rather pleased.
(I’m also quite chuffed about how many ways I found to mention Christmas in this posting without actually using the word ‘Christmas’)

RC 22-11-21

Decimovies

I’ve watched quite a few films in the last few weeks, but I don’t want to bore you with a slew of long-winded paragraphs reviewing them all (especially after over-doing it with Bond yesterday) so I’m limiting myself to just 10 words for each movie:

PARALLEL – “Well-written, interesting take on multiverses and how to abuse them.”
DARK CRIMES – “Jim Carrey as a Polish detective. Brilliantly acted. Beautifully shot.”
DON’T LOOK NOW – “Still great to watch, 50 years on. Haunting. Mesmerising. Magnificent.”
EXPOSED – “A rare beast indeed – a Keanu Reeves film worth watching!”
ARCTIC – “Snow-bound Survival epic. Mads Mikkelsen excellent as determined, lost soul.”

RC 19-11-21

Too Much Time to Die

So last weekend I finally, finally, FINALLY got to see the latest James Bond film. In an alternate universe, we’d have watched it back in 2019, but it was delayed by a change of director, then delayed by – ahem – The Thing We Try Not To Mention.
So was it worth the wait?
Personally, speaking for myself, and being honest, I have to say No, it wasn’t.
For a start, its just too bloody long. By about 45 minutes. You could have pressed PLAY on the projector on Day 1 of the pandemic and still be watching the end credits when the vaccine was produced. It’s TOO LONG. They seemed determined to make it the longest Bond film ever, regardless of whether they had anything worthwhile to put in the runtime. WARNING – this next joke works better if you read it aloud…
I know they want to give people value for money, but when it comes to Bond (as we all found out from the 1972 – 1985 era) more is not always better.
I never thought I’d say this about a 007 offering, but I found it boring. I really didn’t like it. Lots of things happened that I just don’t think should happen in a Bond film, and the ‘ordinary man with extraordinary capabilities’ persona seemed to have given way to a ‘superhuman superhero with almost Godlike status and importance’ one. The Marvel Cinematic Universe has a lot to answer for, and I think this franchise is another one of its victims.
They made a big thing about the fact that Phoebe Waller-Bridge was brought in to spruce up the script and give the female characters better dialogue, but I’m not really sure what she did. Lashana Lynch’s ‘new 00’ was feisty, spunky and interesting, but ended up being a fawning Bond fan who stepped aside to let the experienced white man take over proceedings, and I can’t imagine that’s what they were originally aiming for. Ana de Armas is a superb actress and featured heavily in the promotional material, but she only seemed to be on-screen for 10 minutes, and didn’t do much while she was there. She will go on to have a great career, but I doubt this film will be seen as a highlight.
I’m not going to go on and on about it, because then this blog posting will be displaying the same faults and failings as the film it is reporting on – too much of too little – but I guess my one-word review would be ‘disappointing’.

RC 18-11-21

Fire on the Common

And so, two years later than the last time I did it, and nearly two weeks after the event itself, I get to write a blog about one of my favourite annual spectacles. GUY FAWKES NIGHT.
This year, we took in a display on Saturday 6^th (due to our other excursion on Bonfire Night itself, as outlined by me yesterday).
We chose a medium-sized affair in a fair-sized village in Suffolk, rather than an overcrowded, overwhelming big city extravaganza where it takes an hour to leave the car park and the queue for the toilets is huge.
Our venue-of-choice was a playing field on the edge of a large farm, and was a fundraiser for the local scouts group, who were in attendance as ‘hired help’ selling raffle tickets and directing people around the site. It was JUST the kind of fireworks do that I love. Low-key, a couple of hundred people, a modest-but-meaningful display, the smell of fatty hot dogs in the air and plenty of smiling faces on lots of local families. The only thing from my ‘List Of Ingredients For The Perfect Bonfire Night’ that was missing was soup, but that can be forgiven when everything else was so enjoyable.
I can’t even tell you why it is that I find these things so lovely, but I do. Maybe it’s the shared sense of spectacle, or the camaraderie of the community, but I just love the feeling of being outside on a cold Winter’s night, surrounded by like-minded souls and wrapped up warm against the crisp air, a hint of palpable excitement wafting through the crowd as we all wait for Jim the farmer to light the first firework and give us 10 minutes of colourful respite from reality. It’s just lovely, and I am so, SO glad it wasn’t cancelled again!
Lockdowns were an absolute shitter, for many reasons, but I think I can honestly say that seeing Bonfire Night scuppered by Covid was the worst part of it all for me. I know that makes me seem petty and childish, and highlights how little the pandemic caused me problems, but I’m probably not alone. It’s the little things in life that make a difference, and when those little things are denied us, we are not ourselves and we struggle to cope with the big stuff. I’m only now realising how much that is true, and maybe that’s why November 6^th felt so needed and so special.

RC 17-11-21

Fire on the Water

I thought I’d tell you about the way we spent Bonfire Night.
I know, I know, it was nearly two weeks ago, but it made a good impression and I wanted to share it with you.
There is - as some, but not all of you, will know – a seaside town on the East Coast of England called Great Yarmouth. It is simultaneously one of the most deprived areas in East Anglia and one of its most popular tourist spots. There is a nicely spruced-up, well-maintained seafront area with several attractions and a multitude of gaudy amusement arcades, but travel less than half-a-mile inland and you encounter overcrowded, outdated housing, teenage pregnancies and drug problems. (Apologies to anyone who lives there, but I believe I am not doing it a disservice).
Anyway – every September they put on a simply brilliant international festival of circus acts and street performers, and this year the team behind that festival created something different for the end of October. In an already-pleasant venue called The Venetian Waterways they set-up a series of sculptures and installations, all incorporating fire, so you could have a nice after-dark walk through the ornamental gardens and around the boating lake, while seeing steel heads with flames in their eyes and brass band instruments shooting fire into the sky. There were arches of fire over bridges, twirling and twisting metallic creations that reflected the dance of the flames, and all manner of weird artistic projections that cast shadows over sheets and portrayed images such as dancing couples and mermaids.
We went on November 5^th because it was the only night we could get tickets for, so we got to experience it while seeing fireworks exploding at a big display slightly further up the coast. It was absolutely packed – (I think someone told me they’d had 30,000 visitors in total) – but you were let in at the set time you had booked, groups were encouraged to keep away from each other, and a one-way system was enforced, so it all felt fluid, well-organised and safe. Staff members (or volunteers?) were stationed every 50 yards or so and they did a grand job of keeping things moving and keeping everyone entertained and informed. I hate to sound like an online reviewer, but all in all it was a great evening out and a unique experience. Mathew was absolutely captivated by it all, and it gave me a lovely feeling of nostalgic connection to the past. It reminded me of old Victorian street fayres you see in old books and on Christmas cards, with folk gathering outside round a lit brazier to enjoy the warm and sing songs and tell tales.
The walk took over an hour and almost every step of it involved something to do with fire.
God knows what their gas bill must have been, but I have to say it was brilliant.

RC 16-11-21
2135 GMT

Absence makes the, etc.?

Okay – let’s get this back up-and-running. Enough dilly-dallying, procrastination and downright laziness, it’s time to kick myself up the virtual backside and make sure I start blogging regularly again. I’ve had a break, I’ve had a rest, I’m ready to go again.
I can’t make a start right now, as I’m running late for work, but believe me, from here on in you’ll have posts from Rory falling out of your lower orifices hourly. So to speak…
Planned highlights to come include:
A review of Bond 25
My reflections on Fireworks Night
A preview of our family Christmas
The Return of Rory’s 10-word Film Thoughts

Let’s go….

RC 16-11-21

Another month, another long gap between postings

I don’t really feel like blogging tonight, but I didn’t want to go a whole week without putting something on this site, so here I am, so be prepared for some waffling nonsense that will probably make zero sense.
I’ve been feeling bloody knackered again. I put in a lot of work, in a short space of time, to get the Hallowe’en ‘Party’ successfully sorted, and that was at the end of a long, busy Summer season in which I was dealing with the busiest year on the business’s books while also learning the job as I went along. In the middle of last week, when everything was starting to calm down a bit and we finally had time to think and reflect, it all caught up with me and I felt my energy disappear and my brain try to shut itself down. The Long-Covid-That-Wasn’t-Long-Covid-So-I-Don’t-Know-Why-I-Keep-Calling-It-Long-Covid bug I had seemed to rear its head again for a third (or was it fourth?) assault on my immune system.
So I’ve been getting lots of sleep, taking lots of vitamins, watching lots of films, and generally being good to myself.
I finally got to see ‘No Time to Die’ (which I’ll blog about another day), we went to an interesting fire-and-sculpture event on Bonfire Night (which I’ll blog about another day) and I got to see some impressive fireworks on Saturday (ditto on the ‘another day’ thang).
So I feel a bit better now, and looking forward to a calm few months of low-key interactions with the public, and lots of onsite maintenance, before it all kicks off again next Spring.

RC 9-11-21

Musings on meteorological misalignment

I actually wrote this on Monday afternoon, but didn't get round to posting it, as i got distracted by tiredness and indigestion. You might as well read it anyway....

I hate to revisit past points and go on about the same old subjects, but I have to say that I think September and October went by so quickly and so enjoyably because they were unseasonably warm and pleasant. Normally I am borderline suicidal when we change the clocks back to GMT, but this year it doesn’t seem to have affected me at all. If anything, it crept up on me unexpectedly and therefore I didn’t spend a fortnight dreading its imminent arrival.
I know I’m in a different work situation to this time last year, so it all feels unfamiliar and new, and maybe I was distracted from my usual late-October mindset, but I’m pretty sure that it would have been different if we’d had frosts and rain and temperatures in single figures all month.
I’m not the oldest person in Britain, but I can remember November normally starting with the trees bare of leaves and with everyone wrapped up warm against the Winter cold. As I look out of the window here, it resembles the Septembers of my youth – the trees are browning, but still adorned with their leaves, there are still plenty of birds and insects about, and everyone looks dressed for Autumn.
I’m not sure what I’m trying to say here, but I’m sure I’ve probably said it before, and I’m sure other people have said it before too, and they were far more eloquent about it than I’m being so I’ll shut up and leave it there. Except to say that it feels nice to have a mild end to the year after the horror show of August, but it also fills me with despair because it probably means we’ll have a freezing cold April and May again next year. The seasons are well and truly f**ked, but at least I’m ok about it today.

RC 3-11-21

Bang, bang, blah, blah, bang

I’m trying not to get too contrary about it, but I don’t like this “Fireworks Should Be Banned Because They’re Bad For The Poor Animals” movement that has gained strength this year. It seems to be an agenda being pursued by middle-aged women on facebook; most of them the same people who post pictures of their pets dressed in human clothes, saying the animals love it because it makes them feel part of the family! It worries me a bit when people with no training or qualifications claim they know what is best for the creatures we share this planet with. A) There’s a reason it takes so long to train as a veterinarian, and B) It’s easy to claim you know what’s best for something that can’t speak up and correct you.
I had a cat that absolutely hated loud noises, and yes – Bonfire Night could cause him a few traumatic episodes as bangers went off in neighbouring gardens. But, as I remember it, he would be fully recovered and back to his usual self about 10 minutes after the last firework had fizzled itself to death. There were no lingering after effects, just as there were no ongoing issues after a thunderstorm. He just got on with life and forgot about the noises once they’d gone.
Maybe there’s something we can all learn from that.

Anyway, I’m keeping out of it (despite what I’ve written above!) and I’m looking forward to a splendid display or two this coming weekend. I don’t care if they’re silent, as long as they’re bright and beautiful. It’s one of my favourite events of the year, and missing out last year was a bummer of extreme proportions.

RC 2-11-21

The morning after the fright before

The title of this blog has nothing to do with what I’m about to write, but it just seems like such a great title for something written the day after Hallowe’en. So great in fact, that I’m now convinced someone must have used it before. Several people, in fact. Oh God, I’m so unoriginal and obvious.
Anyway, enough of the self-flagellation and self-hatred, on with the writing.
The party went GREAT! Even with my afore-mentioned self-hatred, I am able to acknowledge that I did a good job, and we pulled it off, and it was a good event!
There was a steady stream of families wandering around the park for my ‘Treasure Trail’, the entertainers were on great form and got a good response from the kiddies, and the fireworks – despite Gavin’s reservations – went down a treat!
All in all, I am extremely satisfied. And rather hungover, as we went a bit mad with the leftover punch and Budweiser. It accidentally became a bit of an end-of-season shindig for the staff, so it felt rude to leave too early. I think I got rolled into a taxi at 11.15pm, but I may have that slightly wrong.
Today could be a struggle….

RC 1-11-21

Hallowe'en Haiku 2021

Hosting a party….
I used to hate Hallowe’en
What a turnaround!

Working a Sunday
But at least I’m not at home
For trick or treaters

Hallowe’en gives mums
An excuse to eat Snickers
and dress like a witch

The thirty-first day
Of the tenth month of the year
Is called Hallowe’en

That last verse (above)
Was the laziest haiku
I have ever done

Spicy pumpkin soup
A strange, yet gorgeous liquid
We have once a year

The clocks have now changed
It’s November tomorrow
Where has the year gone?

RC 31-10-21

Final preparations, etc.

Almost all systems go for our Halloween party on site on Sunday.
I’m starting to get a bit nervous now. It was all my idea and most of what is happening has been organised by me, so if no-one turns up, or it doesn’t go well, it’ll all be on me. I was fine about it until today but now its so close I’m starting to have doubts. It’s been a good year for my first year ever in tourism, it would be such a shame if the last big weekend of the whole holiday season is a damp squib and that’s the thing that my employer and colleagues might remember all Winter.
I’m sure it’ll be okay.
No, really, I am.

RC 29-10-21

What the Hell? (a poem)

I genuinely know not what was in my head at 4am this morning when I wrote this….

Clubs, diamonds, heart and spades
How would you know if I have AIDS?
Temperamental temperature checks
Needing comfort, scared of sex
Back is itchy, eating figs
Going grey for guinea pigs
Waltzing wildly while in bed
Flightly figments in my head

Swimming pools awash with honey
Racist thugs awash with money
Grandad likes his boiled egg runny
Liverpudlians are funny
Autumn skies are bright and sunny
Rabid multicoloured bunny
Joke one-liners, often punny
Margot Robbie on the dunny

Inner monologue’s a bind
Bacon with a crispy rind
Death certificate unsigned
Toilet paper should be lined
Is Nirvana there to find?
Wait and watch and wend and wind
In the maelstrom of the mind
Subconscious swill can be unkind

RC 27-10-21

Back in the office, back in the doghouse

I was allowed to return to work today, although a few staff members looked at me as if I should permanently have a mask stuck to my face. I don’t understand how people are still confused about the virus and how it spreads after nearly TWO YEARS of cases and advice. If someone doesn’t have it, they can’t pass it on to you. Isn’t that true of all illnesses??? By the logic of some of these worryworts, I should probably wear a condom all the time just IN CASE I have AIDS without knowing it and just IN CASE it has suddenly developed the ability to leap from one unsuspecting body into another.
Anyway, I must let all this weird rage subside or I won’t get anything done.

There’s quite a nice atmosphere on the sites at the moment. It’s Autumnal, without being too cold. It’s half term, so there’s lots of excited children around enjoying a family holiday. For many of them, this is their first time away since the pandemic started, and they’re just delighted that there isn’t another holiday-cancelling lockdown to deal with. If you’re eight years old, and you’ve been stuck at home due to the Covid restrictions, that’s A QUARTER of your life that has been dominated by this bloody thing. So I’m not surprised that young Jennifer from Wolverhampton is charging around the play area like an unleashed dynamo. It’s her first time away since October 2019 and all that pent-up energy is exploding out of her like a fireworks night rocket exploding from a milk bottle (in years gone by when people still did that). She’s determined to enjoy her week, and I’m determined to help her.
This is so much more satisfying than petrol station management, even when my colleagues look at me like I’m Plague Patient Zero.

RC 26-10-21

Over-reacting over-reactors

I’m working from home today, for reasons I do not quite understand. Gavin contacted me yesterday and told me to keep away for another day, which seems ridiculous. My PCR test was negative, I am starting to feel better, and the medical advice is that you either isolate for 10 days (if you have it) or carry on as normal is you haven’t. So asking me to stay away from the office for a fourth day, then welcoming me back on the fifth, makes no sense whatsoever in any scenario. Maybe they’re waiting to see if my bug-that-isn’t-Covid suddenly becomes a bug-that-is-Covid. Has that happened to anyone in this long, ongoing Pandemic Of Fun?
The whole decision-making process seems to be based on ‘Just in case…’ But just in case WHAT? Just in case I have it after all, and the PCR was faulty? Just in case all the advice from experts is wrong and I may be infectious, even though I don’t even have it? By that rationale I should be kept away every day ‘just in case’ I might become a deranged lunatic who decides to scoop everyone’s eyes out with a sock.
Anyway, enough whinging. Time for another coffee and a look at some advertising ideas for next Summer.

RC 25-10-21

Shortages, schmortages

I have to say that this bout of illness has brought back a bit of my Covid fears. I wouldn’t want to feel as bad as I’ve felt this week and to also have the threat of a possible imminent hospitalisation hanging over me after a positive test for The Virus. But it’s not just a worry about catching it myself, it’s something deeper and wider than that; a return to my previous thoughts about huge social problems and the collapse of our whole way of life! I have visions of a near future in which we are queueing up for our weekly allowance of bread and milk, and in which most of Suffolk resembles something from the Third World. I keep having to remind myself that all these irrational ideas kept cropping up last year, but we’re no nearer any of them coming true. And we have better treatments, and vaccines, and we have proved that – as unpleasant as they are – lockdowns are effective at cutting down transmissions, almost to the point of the virus being a rarity. So there’s no need to get panicky and start buying tinned peaches and Lemsip. BUT – it’s hard to remember that, and think clearly, when you have a temperature, and you’re sleep pattern is knackered, and you’ve just had a dream in which one of your neighbours was barbecuing your son ‘for a much-needed bit of protein’.
I’ve said it before, etc. – being me is fun!

RC 23-10-21

An early Friday finish

I got sent home from work this morning. I can’t remember exactly what happened, but I know last night was another unpleasant night of torturous dreams, night sweats and seeing and hearing things that didn’t exist. So I may have been a bit disoriented and spaced out when I arrived. I can’t remember having a shower, or shaving, or cleaning my teeth either, so I may have been in a bit of a state. Anyway, Gavin was in for a meeting at 10 and said “You shouldn’t be here, dude. Go and get tested for Covid so the girls can stop worrying you’re contagious and get yourself rested over the weekend.”
So I have been to a drive-thru NHS testing site to get my tonsils swabbed and then I had an afternoon in bed. I can’t remember getting home, but there’s no blood or dents on the car so I guess I drove safely, and I’ve just woken up with my head on my pillow, so my autopilot-while-ill seems to be functioning well. I must say, I feel better after 4 hours kip. I’m still coughing painfully, but it’s a deep chesty cough with some real phlegm behind it, rather than a problematic dry cough that I understand is a symptom of The Covid. So I’m pretty sure tomorrow’s test result will be negative.
Have you noticed, by the way, how often I call The Virus by its proper name these days? Throughout the first lockdown I used any phrase I could invent that would let you know what I was talking about without mentioning it by name. It’s almost as if, psychologically, I thought that avoiding the word COVID meant it wasn’t real, and then it couldn’t affect me. Or maybe I have just subconsciously decided that it’s much less effort to call it Covid 19 instead of constantly coming up with alternatives.
Have you also noticed, by the way, how often the words “So” and “I can’t remember” have turned up in this blog posting? I normally try very hard not to be so repetitive but today I am failing miserably. I blame my illness.

RC 22-10-21

I think Covid might have been easier...

My cold, which yesterday seemed to have given up its assault on my body, now seems to have woken itself up again for another attack. I woke up in the night, sweating profusely and coughing like a smoker. Then I stumbled back to sleep, in which I had incredibly vivid dreams about weird things like being lobotomised by Barbarella or being forced at gunpoint to juggle babies over an open pit of hungry crocodiles. Then I woke up an hour later, sweaty and coughing again, and hearing things like sirens. At one point I opened the bedroom window, convinced I could hear a cat asking to be let in. I was so surprised that there was nothing there that, like a moron, I stood there with the window wide open for at least 30 seconds before cottoning on to the fact that I had been hearing things. Then Philippa shouted “What the **** are you doing? Its freezing in here” which I hoped was another auditory hallucination but wasn’t.  Then I climbed back into bed, tossed and turned and turned and tossed, found it hard to breathe laying on my back, convinced myself I was coming down with a chest infection, propped myself up with pillows and drifted off to sleep again, and then woke up again about 45 minutes later, soaked in sweat and shivering like an infant in a snowstorm.
I don’t know what the Hell is wrong with me, but it’s not very nice.

RC 21-20-21

Medical paraphrasing, by Rory

As quickly as this ‘cold’ took me over at the weekend, it has equally quickly left me in peace. There are truly some very odd things floating around in the atmosphere this Autumn. I remember reading that we might encounter some unpleasant bugs this year, as we were all kept away from them during the lockdowns and the mask-wearing. Normally, one is exposed to small amounts of pathogens throughout our daily lives, and our body learns to fight them all off. Because we’ve lived such insular, solitary lives for most of the past 18 months, we haven’t been exposed in that way and our bodies have forgotten how to operate that bit of defence. When we encounter something unpleasant now, instead of our immune systems going “Ah – I recognise this. It’s nasty. I’ll fight it off,” it is effectively putting its fingers in its ears and going ‘la, la, la’ while the virus multiplies within us, making us ill. So, instead of having a sore throat or a bit of a temperature for a couple of days while our body sees it off, it breaks through our barriers and sets up home for a while and we end up feeling like utter shit.
I may have got that description slightly wrong – I’m a chemist, not a biologist. But I hope you see the point I’m making. We’re all going to have multiple, weird illnesses this Winter and I’m not looking forward to any of them.

RC 20-10-21

Self-hatred, on top of bacteria

I’ve probably mentioned this before sometime, but I’m really not good at being ill. Especially when it’s something as annoying (but not too debilitating) as a cold. If I’m under the weather, my self-pity ramps up, my self-care plummets and I make terrible decisions that probably prolong my misery. Instead of resting, giving in to the illness and treating it, I try and stick two fingers up at it and plough on regardless, or deliberately do things that I know will make it worse. If I have an upset stomach, for example, instead of following the received medical advice and drinking lots of water without eating solids, I’ll say ‘stuff you’ and eat curry. I do NOT help my body and myself.
Last night is a case in point.
What I needed; what would have lessened the unpleasantness of the bug and increased my chances of waking up feeling better, was an early night and a good rest. But what did I do instead? I said “F**k it – if I’m going to feel like shit anyway, I might as well enjoy the night’ and I sat up watching the NFL until finally succumbing to sleep at about 4am this morning.
So I still feel racked with cold, but I also feel sleepy, exhausted, and mentally out-of-it, and I’ve reacted to that by drinking lots of coffee, which has given me indigestion.
Jesus.
There is an age a man reaches where he stops doing these stupid things, right? Please tell me ‘Yes’ and please tell me it happens before he reaches 40, because I could really do with a break from my own stupidity.

RC 18-10-21

Covid light?

I am feeling bloody awful today. I’ve done a lateral flow test and it came up negative, so I’m guessing I’ve picked up another of the post-mask, back-in-full-contact colds that seems to be ripping through the country like a drunk driver ripping through a bus queue. My throat is so sore it hurts to breath, I can feel thick gunk at the back of my sinuses and when I blew my nose first thing this morning a blood clot the size of a penny came out with the thick green snot.
So I’m having a great day, thanks.
I always believe that food is the answer to everything, so I’m dosing myself up with paracetamol and spending the afternoon in the kitchen, cooking up a roast fit for two kings and getting ready to feast myself silly.

RC 17-10-21

Not being rude or controversial, but...

Let’s be honest – 6 billion doses of vaccines have been handed out now, with no major issues arising. So – if you’re still holding out against getting a vaccine, you’re selfish, and an idiot.

RC 15-10-21

Addiction, attitude and altitude

After the weirdness of the last few days, I have decided to take the sensible option and give myself a break from caffeine. The problem is that, being me, I haven’t tapered off or cut down gradually, I have literally woken up this morning and gone “ZERO CAFFEINE!” and abstained completely. So I’ve ended up feeling – depending on the time of day – panicky, nauseous, emotional, exhausted, insane, elated and/or close to an imminent heart attack.

In slightly nicer news, I have pulled a bit of a fast one, but got away with it. Gavin had refused my request to have a big Bonfire Night fireworks display, but he did give me a free hand with organising the Hallowe’en event. So I’ve booked someone to send up some fireworks at the end of the Hallowe’en party…
He chided me for my cheekiness, but allowed it to go ahead.

Speaking of Gavin, he wants to organise some kind of adrenaline-fuelled weekend away for the staff early in 2022. Partly a team-building exercise, partly a charity fund-raiser and partly an opportunity for publicity, I’m hoping this will end up being one of his flash-in-the-pan, spur-of-the-moment, fizzle-and-die ideas that burns bright in his head for a few days before disappearing into the ether, because the suggestions he has are quite disturbing. Option 1 seems to be that we all do a skydive. Option 2 seems to be a trek to the top of Snowdonia. Option 3 seems to involve llamas, Land’s End and a launch pad, but I may have got that wrong as I’d tuned out by then. I’m all for a staff outing, and I’m all for doing something different (or even dangerous) to raise money for a hospice or something, but being thrown out of an aeroplane, climbing to the top of a mountain or getting involved in whatever Option 3 was are not items I’ll be placing on my 2022 wish list.
Why can’t we have a raffle and be done with it???

RC 14-10-21

Nemesis

There is one fly in my office, and I can’t seem to hunt him down and finish him. The little bastard keeps buzzing by my ear and putting me off my e-mails. Then he runs off to hide so I can’t twat him with a rolled-up booklet.
I love Nature, but honestly, sometimes I could happily napalm an entire district to get rid of a little annoyance like this.

RC 13-10-21

Relaxed, or remissive?

It’s funny how my attitude to The Virus has changed. Until recently, I was anticipating, nay dreading, a Winter of rising cases, stupid behaviour, and inevitable lockdowns of some description or other. Now I just feel a kind of nonchalant apathy towards the whole thing. Maybe its just CoronaPanic Burn-out. There’s been so much dread and fear and scaremongering and speculation and page after page of “Shortages!”, “Crisis!” and “Doom!” in the media that maybe I’ve just hit a saturation point and my body can’t fit in anymore giving-a-shit. Whatever will happen, will happen, I guess, and it’s pointless to worry about ‘What If’s…’ when the list of possibilities is endless. We might have another Winter of Horrors, with hospitals over-run and every family experiencing deaths. We might have an onslaught of other viruses; those which have been kept at bay by mask-wearing and hand-washing and are just waiting in the wings to pounce when the weather turns cooler. We might have another, unrelated pandemic incident, with a flu variation that comes along and wreaks even more havoc than Covid 19. We might even sail through the next six months with no problems at all, and reach next Spring confident in saying ‘the pandemic is now behind us.”
We don’t know, do we? But, somehow, I am seeing that as a positive, rather than as a thing to cause concern.
And anyway, after the way people have behaved during the recent Fuelishness, I think I’d welcome a few more months of excessive deaths, especially if they could be targeted among the people who were queueing up at the petrol station every day to squeeze a few more drops of fuel into their car, despite the fact they had no need to travel, and despite the fact that they had been assured there were no shortages.
Pricks.
Jeez – I started this blog today wanting to write about how pleased I was that I have zero virus-related anxiety and ended up ranting about my fellow man and hoping many of them suffer a gruesome death!!
As I may have mentioned before – I think I might be drinking too much coffee again.

RC 12-10-21

I should have been a Redcoat

Most of my day has been spent working on plans for the Hallowe’en party.
I’ve managed to get my hands on a massive cauldron, which we’ll brew up some soup or punch in (haven’t really decided yet). One of the family entertainers that we have on site weekly during the Summer has agreed to come in and put on a bit of a magic show, and we’ve got a local bod to do some spooky storytelling. I think he’s a retired teacher, but he comes highly recommended and he has a long beard, so he looks the part. A neighbouring farm is providing us with a load of apples so we can do apple-bobbing, and that thing where you tie a piece of fruit to string, dangle it from a washing line and then have to eat it without using your hands. I’m going to set up a bit of a ‘treasure trail’ as well, with families following clues that lead them around the whole site, looking for certain key words that they then have to rearrange into a Hallowe’en-themed phrase. If they come back to the office and get the phrase right they win a prize.
Some of the permanent residents are keen on allowing little ones to do ‘Trick or Treat’ around the caravans. Others are more reluctant, with one of them saying, “I live here so I can avoid all that real-world, neighbourhood-friendly crap” and another one saying, “If they knock on my door, I’ll spray them with a can of Raid”. But there we are – you can’t please everyone every day, and besides, this is first and foremost a family holiday centre, so people can’t complain if we do family holiday activities. If they keep moaning, I’ll suggest they relocate to our adults-only site, where they can spend their whole time in peace, quiet and boredom, surrounded by like-minded killjoy pensioners.
Man, I think I might be drinking too much coffee again….

RC 11-10-21

Weather to die for

Another glorious late-Summer Sunday here in Suffolk.
It was so nice in our back garden, and we had so few opportunities to eat outside during the damp horrors of August, that I decided to throw up an impromptu barbecue for tea tonight. It was gorgeous. As we finished eating, and as Philippa took Mathew indoors for a bath, I sat near the slowly cooling barbecue coals and watched one of the most beautiful sunsets I’ve ever seen unwind before me.
It was almost spiritual. I genuinely felt lost in the utter beauty of it. All those negative thoughts I have about myself, and my fellow man, and the terrible future we have contrived to create between us, disappeared as I realised we are all – all of us, individually, and all of us collectively – nothing. We don’t matter. We are insignificant spots on an insignificant planet in an insignificant corner of an uncaring, unknowing universe. As much as we like to convince ourselves we’re important, we’re not doing anything that will affect anything other than the inhabitants of this Earth. We could bring about the death of every breathing creature in existence right now, but in the grand scheme of things that will mean f**k all. The planet will survive, and change, and thrive again, as it has done after every previous slew of extinctions that it has witnessed.
In a way, it takes the pressure off me. I don’t need to feel guilty every time I use a plastic bottle and I don’t need to get angry when other people put cardboard in with their everyday rubbish. Because it doesn’t matter. We’re finished as a race and as a society, but the world we call home will live on. It will re-absorb our constituent parts and re-use them for the next, better species that comes along.
I thought all this, as the sunset blazed and flickered and spewed cyan, crimson and lilac across the Suffolk sky.
And then a passing pigeon shit on the barbecue coals, and it stank.

RC 10-10-21

Double-Oh Chesworth

As I shall be making my way to the cinema to see “No Time To Die” soon, I thought I would write an arbitrary list or two about my least and most favoured aspects of Bond movies past. These are just a few ‘top of the head’ statements that are fun to think about, and I can almost guarantee you that if I asked myself the same questions, and gave myself the same topic headings, tomorrow I would come up with very different answers to most of them.

BEST BOND THEMES:
Nobody Does It Better by Carly Simon
We Have All The Time In The World by Louis Armstrong
All Time High by Rita Coolidge

WORST BOND THEMES:
Die Another Day by Madonna
A View To A Kill by Duran Duran

BEST BOND VILLAIN:
Javier Bardem in Skyfall
(with Scaramanga a close second)

FAVOURITE JAW-DROPPING STUNT MOMENT:
Rolling out of the back on an aeroplane on a cargo net in ‘The Living Daylights’ (and the subsequent mid-air fight)

BEST PRE-CREDITS SEQUENCE:
Tomorrow Never Dies

MY FAVOURITE BONDS (in order):
CONNERY, DALTON, BROSNAN, CRAIG, LAZENBY, MOORE

MY CHOICE FOR THE NEXT 007:
Nicholas Hoult

BEST FILMS:
The Man With The Golden Gun
The World Is Not Enough
Skyfall

WORST FILMS:
Die Another Day
Moonraker

RC 9-10-21

Things warp and warble

A strange day, all round.
Not sure why, it was just one of those days when everything seemed to be happening at a strange pace, and everyone seemed to be struggling with the basics of life. I had to deal with calls from people who couldn’t find us, despite us being a large campsite just off a main road, and despite us being signposted from about 100 miles away. I had to deal with calls from people who couldn’t work out how to turn on the shower in their caravan, because it happened to be very slightly different from the one they have at home. I even had to deal with a couple from Wolverhampton who had lost their 6-year-old daughter within an hour of arriving on the site. When I asked when they had last seen her the father, in all seriousness, said “I’m not entirely sure she was in the car when we got here.”
Anyway, despite its insipid strangeness the day did not defeat me, and I have made it to the end of this Friday with my body and my sanity intact (if bruised) and with a glass of red wine in hand.

It’s hard to believe we are nearly at the end of my first Summer season as a manager in the tourist trade. Once half-term is over, I won’t be working Saturdays anymore! The Winter months are more about maintenance, and keeping our onsite residents happy, and that can be taken care of Monday to Friday.
It felt like such a long, overwhelming season when I looked at it as it was approaching, but now I’m (almost) out of the other end it hasn’t been too bad after all.

RC 8-10-21

Compromise, oh compromise

Gavin and I have struck a deal, of sorts. If I ‘shut the hell up’ about fireworks for the next two weeks, he’ll give me the go-ahead to plan a big event for November 2022.
I’m pleased with that. I have so many ideas for costumes and side-stalls and food providers and games and decorations, just IMAGINE what I can do with a full year to put it all together!

Meanwhile, at home, the subject of providing Mathew with a little brother or sister has reared its ugly head again. Inspired by my encounter at work, I have told Philippa that if she promises not to mention it again until Saturday, I’ll promise we can have a proper chat about it on Sunday.
Now I need to see if I can get called into work and avoid her.

RC 6-10-21

Weekend Look-Back/November Look-Forward

I felt very pleased with myself on Saturday, after coining an alternative phrase we can use instead of ‘The Fuel Crisis’. As it’s not really a crisis, as there’s plenty of fuel around, and the only problems are being caused by people’s behaviour, I suggested we call this latest little spell of unrest ‘The Fuelishness’. Everyone else at work looked nonplussed, but I was rather pleased with myself.
If I didn’t think newspapers are an unforgivable scourge, I might consider a career as a headline writer for them.

Sunday with Sophie was delightful. We had a fry-up, we had a walk, we had a mid-afternoon Rory-cooked roast, and Mathew spent all day clinging to her like she was suddenly his favourite toy. I fell asleep in the evening watching the NFL with a glass of red wine and then went to bed feeling very satisfied with my Sunday.

In other news, I am trying to convince Gavin to let us do a Bonfire Night party at our biggest site. He is reluctant, as he says he doesn’t want something ‘thrown together at short notice’ and thinks we’ll get stiffed by fireworks providers who are hiking their prices up after Covid/Brexit/The Fuelishness. He’s already forking out good money to throw a big half-term Hallowe’en event and doesn’t want to blow ten grand or so on something else just a week later. Personally, I don’t think that’s a problem, but maybe that’s me being selfish, as it’s probably my favourite night of the year. I’ve always had dreams about putting on a massive November 5^th Spectacular Extravaganza and suddenly realised last week that I’m now in a position to do it! Every Bonfire event I’ve ever been to, I’ve found myself making mental notes about the good and bad things and what I would do differently, given the chance. I really think I could put together a winning night, and one that would grow and grow year on year and become one of the premier fireworks displays in Western Europe!
Yeah, maybe I should calm down a bit.

RC 5-10-21

A list of 10 things I am pleased about

I don’t work for a supermarket anymore.
The fuel ‘crisis’ (or ‘people behaving like selfish, ignorant twats’) seems to be easing.
Just had a very pleasant weekend of light work and family fun.
I get to plan an onsite half-term Hallowe’en Happiness event for families.
Bonfire Night is just a month away! And we may get to have fireworks displays!
I live in a country with free healthcare.
I have clean water to drink, lots of food choices, and a warm house to live in.
The new Bond film is finally out.
I don’t live in a city.
I am 30 minutes-drive away from the beach.

RC 4-10-21

Attitudes and (hidden) apologies

People sometimes ask me what my philosophy of life is. I’m not religious but I am thoughtful, and I try to spend my life being calm and friendly, and it gets noticed. People read this blog (for some reason) and assume me to be a nice, reasoned, level-headed individual (for some reason) and occasionally they will send me a message, assuming I have the key to life and hoping I will share it with them.
So - what do I think is ‘The Key to Life’?
Having thought about it a lot in the past week or so, I actually think I can sum up my attitude. I think I can give you a phrase which tells you how I think you can approach the world in a way which will give you peace and a level of contentment.
Ready for it?
Here it comes:
Stop thinking “I will be happy when….” and start saying “I’m happy now, because…”
And that’s it.

RC 30-9-21



P.S. I suppose I should apologise to The Sun. Not for calling them a bunch of ****s – I stand by that – but for blaming them for comments that were actually printed on the front cover of the Daily Mirror.
I’ve done this apology in small font and hidden it away because that’s exactly what they do when they get something wrong about someone….

Enough with the negative posting, R.

Let’s cheer up a bit, shall we?
Moaning about everything is easy to do, but it doesn’t put me in a good frame of mind, and it’s not what this blog was ever supposed to be about. The more you spot the shit stuff, the more shit stuff you will spot. I mean to say – walk around looking at everything negatively, and negative things will happen to you. Karma. Payback. Call it what you will, it has been proven to me that it exists and it happens and it is a powerful force in our universe. Go out expecting the worst, and the worst is what you will notice. Walk out with a smile and a determination to see the good things, and you’ll start noticing the decent side of life, and the everyday shit will bounce off you without affecting you.
So I apologise for buying into the downturn and highlighting all the stupid behaviour, and I intend to move on with a fun, lively outlook.
Starting now!
First – I am feeling much healthier than I have for weeks. Whatever my weird ‘Long Covid’ thing was, I think it was bubbling away for a while, but I think it is finally behind me now. I have energy, most of my body is pain free and I am waking up each morning without having to drag myself out of bed and reaching straight for the coffee pot.
Second – Philippa hasn’t mentioned ‘another child’ for a while now. It may be that she’s trying reverse psychology, or lulling me into a false sense of security, but it’s nice not to have that seemingly constant pressure to plan for more parenthood.
Third – Sister Sophie is popping down for another visit this weekend. Only staying one night (Saturday into Sunday) but at least she’ll be here and it’ll be great to see her!

RC 29-9-21

FFS

Man, we’re nearly three-quarters of the way through the year. Next thing you know, we’ll be unwrapping presents and, (according to this week’s news) eating something for Xmas dinner that ISN’T turkey.
Honestly, if this doesn’t sum up everything that’s wrong with the current state of our country, then nothing does: The TOP story on the radio news bulletins on Sunday was that we might have a shortage of Christmas turkeys this year.
The most important story of the day, and the worst thing we had to worry about, was that we might be missing one item of food during one meal in three months from now.
There are honestly days when I envy people who live in a remote part of Greenland.

RC 29-9-21

No Fuel, All Fools

I don’t really want to revisit this topic again, but it’s hard to avoid it really. The amount of petrol bought in Britain on Saturday was FIVE TIMES the amount that normally gets sold at the weekend. Was everyone doing five times more travelling than they normally do? No, of course not. The bottom line is – we don’t have a fuel shortage in this country, we have an intelligence shortage.
The older I get, the more I am convinced that Britain has the stupidest population in Europe.
I don’t know what the answer to dry pumps is – my suspicion is this will take a couple of weeks to settle down, because the idiots who panicked at the weekend and filled up unnecessarily will be back at the garages as soon as they’re open again, to fill up unnecessarily again – but I do have an idea for how we can bring up the average IQ among our populace, and therefore avoid this happening again in the future. Anyone who works for The Sun, or has ever read it, or ever bought it, should be sent to live on an island together somewhere, leaving the rest of us in peace. Common sense will begin to prevail, and a less toxic atmosphere will exist. That shitty rag was the main culprit in firing up the masses with bullshit on Friday and creating this problem in the first place, and today on their front page they included the phrases “Schools may have to close” and “care homes might run out of food”
What a bunch of ****s.

RC 27-9-21

Power, Petrol & Pillocks

This post may end up sounding like a middle-aged rant from a middle-aged prat, but so what? There’s no point having a blog if I’m not going to clear my head occasionally by sounding off in it, and events this week have given me lots I need to sound off about…

First, let me mention ‘The Energy Crisis’. Rising gas prices are leading to lots of energy providers being on the point of collapse, and 1.5million people having to go through the inconvenience of absolutely nothing happening to their power supply, other than seeing a different company name on their bill. Most of these people, by the way, have already changed their supplier several times by choice, as they have used a profligacy of comparison websites to chase cheaper deals on a regular basis. And that’s why this ‘crisis’ is affecting so many. If you’re going to enjoy benefits of the sort of system that means any Tom, Dick or Harriet can start up an energy company and undercut others, then you have to accept the risks that using that system comes with. That is to say – you’re getting your electricity cheaper because you’re not getting the protection of a company that can survive fluctuations in the market. If you play with fire, you may get burned, and I don’t see how you can complain if it comes back to bite you.  I know we live in Capitalism Run Amok, but you can’t have it both ways.
I hope that made sense. I’m still not feeling very well.

Next, let me mention ‘The Petrol Crisis’. (A quick side note before I continue – Jesus, I’m glad I’m not working in a supermarket garage this weekend!) A handful of places around Britain ran low on fuel yesterday, so this morning’s newspapers said, “WE’RE RUNNING ON EMPTY” and lo and behold, every man, woman and imbecile have gone crazy and started using old fridges to store fuel in.
Can I just say a little thing, from a point of experience, about how incredibly unlikely it is that we would ever, ever find ourselves fuel-less?
Remember the days when I worked as a Filling Station Manager-of-sorts? It was my responsibility (aided by an algorithm or two) to judge how much fuel we might need to have delivered from one week to the next. It’s much harder than you might imagine, and you almost never get it right. Either you end up running low because there’s an unexpected rush or you over-order and have more than you need. It’s an effect that I have just decided to name “The Surplus/Shortage Conundrum”. It’s impossible to judge perfectly, but the point is that there is always enough to go round. I’ll make that point again, in bold type, for any of you reading this while queueing up at a garage to buy petrol – there is more than enough fuel for everyone.
The only problems we get are when the Great British Public, fuelled by some stupid scaremongering headlines in the Malignant British Press, and reacting as ever to some facebook fuckwittery, get it into their tiny brains that something is going wrong and take it upon themselves to fill up their cars unnecessarily.
There are three ‘S’ words that I used to hear about in the fuel delivery business (of which I am gratefully no longer a part) – squeeze, shortage and struggle. SQUEEZE is when there is a slight issue with the process of getting the fuel to the garages (say, bad snowfall, or a lack of drivers), SHORTAGE is when you start to notice certain pumps running dry because there just isn’t enough to meet needs, and STRUGGLE is when those problems extend beyond a couple of days and become a real problem.  All we had yesterday was a squeeze. There was literally nothing to panic about. But people panicked, because they never learn, and so now we are getting into a mess.
Last year it was toilet rolls, then tea, then carrots, then computers, then God knows what else. All these things were supposed to be in short supply; none of them ended up being so. You would think Mr & Mrs Britain might realise this media-stoked worrying was always a waste of time and start ignoring it. But they don’t. They do the same old thing again. And when you react to the same provocation in the same way you create the same situations all over again. If you don’t learn from your experiences, you’re an idiot, and you’re part of the problem.

All this waffling is leading to me reiterating someone I have always known, and which this week has proven to be as true as ever:
People.
Are.
Stupid.

RC 24-9-21