One more poem, in 2024

I call this one - "Poem Inspired by Rather a Lot of Mulled Wine"

Ambling on, we approach another new calendar
Rambling on through this blogsite, Rory continues to waffle
Trifle has been eaten, turkey imbibed
alcohol infused chocolates quaffed in abundance
the glow of the tree lights dances in the edge of my sight
and makes me regret the third bottle we opened tonight
But what is December if not The Merry Month of Merriment?
Let me create, for the first time in a while, some Initialoetry:

Don't eat Christians. Eat methodists, baptists; even rabbis.

Sorry - best I could come up with.

RC 31-12-24

Achievements

We were having a reflective, reviewing chat at one of our family events this week, and everyone was talking about the major things that have happened to us all since last Christmas. I hate doing that kind of thing, almost as much as I hate doing things like vocalising affirmations and sharing platitudes (which one of Philippa's middle-aged female relatives also insisted on doing). However, it did get me to look back over the past twelve months and try to find reasons to be pleased with myself (not something I do often, or well...)
So - as we gallop towards the end of 2024, here's a few things I am proud:

Posting a blog EVERY DAY in March.
Posting a different number of blog postings in each calendar month.
Hitting more than 200 posts for the 14th year in a row!
Getting through a sticky patch with Philippa without throwing the whole thing away.
Surviving another busy Summer at work without punching an annoying customer in the face.
Helping Mathew get used to the complexities of school life.
Coping well (I think) with reaching the age of 40!

RC 30-12-24

Coinciquence

The title of this blog is a portmanteau of the words 'coincidence' and 'consequence' as that is what I want to write about, (and 'coinciconsequence' just seemed far too long).
I have been thinking back to the year that Philippa and I got together, because I was asked this week 'when did you first realise you loved her?' and it was hard to answer it with an exact time. Looking back, with how I feel now, it would be easy to say that I fancied her when we were at sixth-form together, but I don't think that's true.  I don't remember thinking about her while I was away at university, so I don't think she'd made any kind of impression of me at college. But when we met up again, back in early 2010, I think it's fair to say that things clicked pretty quickly. Again, this might be me misremembering it and placing my later feelings on myself at an earlier date than they actually appeared, but I seem to recall a deep connection happening pretty quickly once we started working together in her uncle's office. And that all came about (as I drag this posting back to the topic contained within its title) because I just happened to contact Tom to ask about any work opportunities at the exact time that he was writing an advert for someone to provide maternity cover. And from that, bloomed what Philippa and I have now.
Sometimes the right thing just happens, even if it doesn't feel like it at the time.

RC 28-12-24

Unexpected bonus for you...

I call this - "Poem Inspired by Listening to Radio 4 on December 24th"

 

Sat beside the Christmas tree

feeling full of love

listening to descriptions

of the star that shone above.

It might have been a comet

two thousand years ago

that lit the sky in Bethlehem

we simply do not know.

It might all be a hokum-pokum

woven from the cold

or maybe 'twas, in truth,

The Greatest Story Ever Told.

It might have been a mishy-mash

of tales heard at sea

But still it gets discussed each year

across the BBC.

And maybe we will never know

perhaps no-one will care

but from that star we get this joy

at Christmastime each year.

And whether you're religious

or just like to have a ball

however you might spend it -

Happy Christmas one and all.

RC 24-12-24

The Most Wonderful, etc, etc

This will be my last posting before 'The Big Day'. Our food shopping arrives today, and this evening I will be lost in the world of family delights and immersing myself in the joys of this most joyous of seasons. I know this time of year is tough for some people, and I know that not every family pulls together for a common cause, and believe me - I went through that in a big way when I was a child myself, but that is exactly why I enjoy Christmas so much these days, and why I will not apologise for doing so. If December is difficult for you, then I send you my love and sympathy and best wishes, but I am not going to hold back from throwing myself into the buzz and expressing my happiness just because it's not a universal feeling. If anything, if provokes me to be MORE exuberant in my enjoyment. I want to share the positivity, and I want to show anyone that might be suffering that it IS possible to turn this stuff around and enjoy the dark days of Winter again, surrounded by the kind of love you may not have known before. It can happen, and I hope it does happen for you, and in the meantime I wish you strength and the ability to find beauty in the small, important things around you.
And for those of you who ARE as full of the joys as I am myself - may we, all of us, suck every available atom of niceness from the forthcoming days of love.
HAPPY CHRISTMAS friends.

RC 23-12-24

Delicious Delectabilities

Well today has been just wonderful.  Lots of happy families onsite, lots of well-behaved and appreciative children, lots of positive feedback and grateful reactions, lots of Christmas cheer and festive fun, and I had my own family there as part of it all! Life, perhaps, cannot get much better than that. Watching something come together that you've been working on for ages and seeing the delight it brings and being there with my own children too... I mean, gosh, what a lovely day to be Rory.

This evening we had a surprisingly lovely pre-Xmas takeaway roast dinner! Neither of us felt like cooking, Mathew wanted to get home to his birthday pressies after being out all day, and we just thought Sod It. Let's treat ourselves and let someone else do the work for a change. And my opinion of ordering food by app has altered somewhat after dipping my toe in the water and trying it. Maybe it's a lesson I can learn about other things in life - don't discard something just because you don't like the idea of it; actually give it a chance to show you its benefits.
So I had a sensational plate of roast gammon with mashed potato (chosen over roasts - how lovely it was to be given the choice!) a large Yorkshire pud, glazed carrots and parsnips, garden peas, broccoli and a very rich gravy. Yummy, and yummy again. And there was some leftover birthday cake to enjoy as a dessert. Again I say - yummy.

And now I get to enjoy the viewing delights of late-season NFL games on Sky Sports. My team may have thrown this year away as if it didn't matter to them, but I can still enjoy the spectacle of top-level sport in which not one single thought is given to the long-term safety of the players.

RC 22-12-24

Huh?

Holy Shite on a sparkly stick - it is suddenly December 21st!!!!
I seem to have shifted backwards somewhat in my excitement levels since my last posting. I'm wondering whether part of my lack of enthusiasm is simply down to my age; although I guess it's not possible to maintain those high amounts of childlike wonderments indefinitely. Or maybe it's just a lull in the proceedings and I'll be roaring back into full-on Festive Mode tomorrow. I have to say it was hard for me to disappear off to work today after spending such lovely time with Mathew on his birthday yesterday, and maybe that is part of today's malaise too - there is often a drop in mood after a particularly fun experience, I find. The Post-Holiday Blues is a very real thing, and I'm guessing a low-key version of something similar can strike even when you're still in the middle of a run of festivities.
I'm tired too - I've had a bit of a sore throat and a dry cough that has been waking me up during the nights, and it was hard work supervising at Mathew's birthday soiree yesterday, and then we had a Family Fun Day at work all day today. And we will have the same tomorrow, but at least Philippa and the boys will be in attendance to keep my spirits up. We still have rather a lot of wrapping to do, because obviously it all has to be done when the little ones are out of sight in bed. So I guess I feel like my plate is quite full, but isn't that what Christmas is supposed to be about - over-filled plates?
Anyway, it'll all come together because it always does, and January is a much quieter month at work so the stress levels can readjust and we can all recover, so there's that to look forward to once the next few days of madness have been survived...

Do join me again soon for what will no doubt be another uninspiring paragraph or two of waffle just like this one...

RC 21-12-24

A week til Xmas Day!!

Man, oh man, do I feel ridiculously Christmassy. Having a bouncing, excited mini-person in the house is such a pick-me-up after driving home in the dark again. Tomorrow we get to experience the joys of a Primary School Nativity, and then it's Birthday Weekend for the Mathew, and oh gosh, am I looking forward to it all!
I am - in the manner of Ebeneezer Scrooge at the end of 'Christmas Carol' - 'giddy as a schoolboy' and I am loving it.

RC 18-12-24

A week til Xmas Eve!!

I am realising that I am very tired. We're doing our Festive Family Fun days at work again, for local non-residents, so we are encountering people from The Outside World again, not just folk on holidays, and even though we're just repeating (mostly) what we did last year, it's still stressful and I still want it to go well for everyone. So it's a bit exhausting.
On a positive note, though, it's lovely to see the excited little ones, and our Father Christmas this year is an amazing Santa, and I feel so very, very Christmassy already, even though we're not even into the 20s date-wise yet!
Mathew is very excited about his birthday, and it's all planned and in place. He's having the same party as last year, which feels a bit lazy on our front, but he was so thrilled by the whole thing in 2023 and he was so overwhelmed when we told him he could do the same again, so I'm finishing work early on Friday and we're taking him and several friends to the soft-play emporium for fun and food. Saturday will be a day for him to relax and recover at home and have several family visitors (while I am at work) then on Sunday Philippa will be bringing him and Rian onsite, as I've booked them in for our Fun Day.
I have to say that I can't wait to see the new Wallace and Gromit TV special on Christmas Day, and it gives me an excuse to watch all the old ones in preparation, and to introduce Mathew to them as well, in a lovely father-and-son sharing Yuletide activity. He's always loved Shaun the Sheep, and I think he might be old enough now to appreciate the wonders of W&G. I might even show him 'Curse of the Were-Rabbit' if Philippa agrees it won;t scare him.
This posting has been a real collection of weird thoughts and comments, spouted onto the page at different times of day in between other tasks, so sorry if it's a bit scatty and spouty. But what the Hell - Christmas is supposed to be a time for spouts.
Oh no, my mistake, that's SPROUTS.

RC 17-12-24

Strictly Con Dancing

I said something at work today that may well land me in trouble. Some of the office staff were discussing the dance show results from the weekend - because that's all 98% of the British population does at this time of year. EVERY year, by the way, because nothing original ever surfaces and we just keep churning the same old shit out for decades on end and convince people it's worth watching (but that's another point entirely).
I just got fed up with hearing the endless discussion about the emotions of it all, and I finally snapped and said, "Let me guess - someone lost a relative this year and their dying wish was for their 'celebrity' nephew to win some pointless competition. You know who else lost someone this year? MILLIONS of people. But they don't get paid a hundred grand to talk about it on television and manipulate people's emotions into spending their money voting on an outcome that will do fuck all except make some rich people even richer." I may also have said something along the lines of: "Oh, the blind guy made the final? Wow. What a surprise. I bet even he could see that coming a mile off."
So, yeah. Despite having done all the diversity and inclusion training you could imagine, and despite knowing how careful we need to be when talking casually in the workplace, and despite knowing how hard we are supposed to come down on people who make comments that could be seen as offensive, I managed to say several things that could well see me hounded out of my job by twelfth night.

RC 16-12-24

reflections on a yuletide past

It was Christmas Eve 2010 that Philippa and I admitted our feelings to each other. Can you believe that? Nearly 14 years have passed since our first kiss. 14 years... I didn't think I'd ever have a relationship that lasted more than fourteen days, and yet here we are. But I don't think I can even call it a 'relationship' - certainly when compared to my previous encounters that bore that name - as this is something so deep, all-encompassing and beautifully enveloping that it's hard to know how to name it. And anyone who feels the same way about their current partner will know exactly what I mean.
I found some notes scribbled down from the end of December that year. I may have shared them with you before, but even if I have its nice to do so again, because it reminds me what happened, and how wonderful it was. It's so sweet to look back and remember (not that I'll ever forget...) These are reminders that I noted down with the intention of writing a longer posting about them, I think. Some bits are a little outdated now after a few changes within the family structure, but it's nice to see what I'd scribbled down as important after that wonderful, unplanned 36 hours or so.
Easily the best Christmas, nay the best DAY, of my life.

Reflections on Xmas Day - waking up in Philippa's arms, spending the day with her... Nathan and Hannah went to a morning service then abandoned his family to join us.. Philippa went home in the evening, but came back to Ted and Beryls later on.... Sophie and Tamara met Ted's lot and everyone loves everyone else... we played cards until 3am... At one point, I was looking at my sisters talking happily together, I was surrounded by other people I love, and I had Philippa asleep with her head on my shoulder. I could happily have died at that moment. For what I think was the first time in my life, I felt truly, truly happy. Excuse me while i wipe away a tear...

RC 14-12-24

well... calendars... again

It is quite amazing how the advent calendar industry has expanded and exploded over the last decade or so. Gone are the days when it was a simple cardboard affair with 24 doors that revealed a different picture each day and would almost always be either a nativity scene or a Father Christmas. The switch to ones containing daily chocolate treats was disappointing but, admittedly, a genius move by whoever first thought of it. Getting children used to the daily hit of sugar before school, and the disposable nature of the whole thing, meant calendars were no longer reusable and instead became an annual source of guaranteed income for the chocolate companies that produce them. And now, it's become a goldmine for any-and-every corporation that chooses to get in on the act. It's yet another excuse for adults to do something that used to be the purview of children only and it's yet another way for greedy firms to fleece us out of our pennies. You can get ANYTHING in advent calendars now. Dog treats (because apparently dogs have an understanding of the concept of Christmas), licorice, perfumes, card tricks and mini Pringles tubs are just a few of the ones I've noticed on shelves. Jessica in our booking office here at work has a large one that gives her a different luxury teabag every morning. The level of excitement with which she declares "Oooh - I got 'Chelsea Breakfast' today" is quite concerning. Still - each to their own, I suppose.
Mine is a Toblerone one, which I was overjoyed to find, but I was not particularly overjoyed with the pricing. It might have been cheaper to buy a lot of other chocolate bars, melt them down into triangular shapes and create my own. Even with the initial outlay and electricity costs, and even if I paid myself generously for my time, it would still have been cheaper than buying the official calendar.

RC 13-12-24

Calendars

Philippa gave me an early Christmas present today - a 2025 calendar, with a photo of us and the boys representing each month. (She gave it to me early as I was about to buy one to put on the kitchen wall so I could start putting things like holiday dates on it).

Now I have to say that if you had suggested this to me as something I might enjoy receiving, I would have called you a wombat and insisted it was too tacky, sentimental and cliched. However, I have found myself feeling touched, elated and even a little emotional. She'd made the effort of picking a photo for each month that was actually taken in that month, so there's a mixture of holiday snaps, baby images, and even one that goes right back to the first year we spent together as a couple, which was an alarming amount of time ago. It really is a wonder that she has stuck it out for this long. Life with Rory ain't exactly a pleasant walk through a pleasant park, and for someone like Philippa to stick it out at all, much less hook herself to me in marriage and bear my children, is unbelievable. I do sometimes think I must have bewitched her somehow and that one day she'll awaken to herself and realise she is wasting her life. But in the meantime, I am more than happy to go on enjoying our life together. More than happy, more than contented, and more than grateful.

RC 7-12-24

Tinsel and Turds

This evening, we put up the rest of our decorations. We may have gone a bit OTT, but what the Hell. Ceilings just don't look the same unless they're covered in a vast array of spangly shit, garish garlands and tonnes of tinsel. If you've left more than an inch of your paintwork uncovered then you simply haven't got into Christmas properly, that's what I always say.

In other news, a couple of our permanent residents at work are kicking off about the fact that some of their annual charges are going up next year. I understand that people are fed up with constant price rises and the profiteering that British society seems to be built on these days, but we haven't changed our fees since the start of the pandemic, and I think that's been incredibly generous. Staffing costs have increased, our bills have exploded the same as everyone else's and yet we've kept our charges consistent since 2020. You would think people would remember that and be thankful and react graciously when asked to pay a small percentage more in 2025 than in 2024, but no. They react by storming into my office and throwing the letter at me across the desk, even though I had nothing to do with the decision and don't have my name on the correspondence. Bless them. I smiled sweetly and invited them to find an alternative location for their home, if they felt that would be easier.

In other news, we've been trying Rian on some new foods and the results have been pretty spectacular. His undergarments are NOT a present you would want to be unwrapping right now.

RC 3-12-24

Twelfth-month target

If I can post 16 blogs in December, I'll have achieved my 'different number each month' challenge this year. I could aim for a higher number, but it would have to be at least 22 (all the other numbers are already taken by other months), and I'm not so confident of reaching that amount, what with all the Yuletide distractions and extra work to do.

Anyway - I shouldn't waste blog words discussing blog scenarios, that's a bit meta and a bit self-indulgent.
So... let's discuss my plans for the upcoming weeks. I want to watch a lot of Christmas films, and introduce Mathew to as many of the appropriate ones as possible. We'll get to have the joy of watching him and his classmates in the school Nativity. And I do mean 'joy' by the way, that's not me being sarcastic. Nothing is sweeter than young 'uns doing a play together, and nothing is more festive than hearing them sing something Christmassy. 'Away In A Manger' is traditional, but a bit whiney, and it also tends to make me rather emotional. My personal choice would be to have a class full of 6-year-olds singing Slade's "Merry Xmas Everybody" but I guess we'll go with whatever the teacher has decided to practice with them. One thing I do know is that the room will be clogged up with annoyingly loud younger siblings and a glut of mums filming the whole thing on their phones. But I'm not going to get started on all that, or this posting will be negative and moany, and I don't feel that way today. I feel excited, and hopeful, and full of the cheer of the season, so let's get back to the good stuff that's on the way in the next couple of weeks:

There's a nice candlelit Carol service locally on Sunday 15th. I quite fancy that. The pub that we occasionally frequent for a roast lunch has an acoustic duo on Christmas Eve afternoon. That might be nice. I also like to have a night-time wander around local towns, taking in the wonder of their lights displays.
Of course - I'm listing all these things, and the likelihood is that I'll end up doing none of them because I'll be too busy at work, and then too busy sorting things at home (Mathew is in Santa age so it all has to be done on the quiet) but I know for a fact that, however it all pans out, it will be wonderful, because it always is, because it's Christmas.

RC 2-12-24

And the tree... is... UP!

Welcome to Festive Month with the Chesworths!
We spent the afternoon getting the decorations out from storage and putting our Christmas tree up for another year. As I sit here typing, it is twinkling away beautifully in the corner of the room and filling me with a lovely state of bliss and hope. And I know that sentence may not have made sense, but a few drinks were had with tea in celebration of the moment. Well, what happened on Friday was that one of our suppliers at work gave me 'an early present' which was really just a sample of something new that they wanted to get some feedback on; but the gesture was welcome and appreciated. It was - are you ready for this? - peanut butter flavoured Irish cream. I am not kidding. Imagine a bottle of Baileys with a handful of Reese's Peanut Butter Cups melted into it and you might have the idea they were looking for. Some kind of weird fusion of early festiveness and a few Hallowe'en leftovers. It doesn't quite land in that way though, in my opinion. Imagine someone having eaten a peanut butter sandwich and then drunk a bottle of imitation Baileys and then throwing it all up into a mixing bowl and then decanting it into a weird coloured bottle and you might be somewhere closer to the truth. It was unpleasant, but strangely moreish, and so a third glass followed quickly on from the first two, despite my inner reservations.
Anyway - back to the point about the tree. It was a real family affair this year, too, because Mathew was very, VERY enthusiastic about the whole thing and insisted on doing as much of what was needed as possible. That's partly our fault, though, as we had been deliberately getting him excited about it since the middle of last week, and he was in such a state when he went to bed last night that I think he'll be less wound up when Christmas Eve gets here!
And, oh man, typing that about Christmas Eve has got me feeling even warmer, fuzzier, happier and mellower. Knowing how much Mathew has changed during this year, and how much more he knows about the whole Santa thing, and how much he remembers about last year... well... I just know that this year is going to be utterly splendiferous and spectacular. And I cannot wait. But I want to, so I can enjoy every second of the build-up.
God, my head feels weird. My feedback on this drink will be 'aesthetically awful, but Christ it does the job...'

RC 1-12-24

A warm glow

Our plans are falling into place for Christmas. Yes, I know - I'm mentioning it today, less than a week after saying that I didn't want to talk about it in November, but we looked at it over the weekend and got some things finalised, and that's exciting, so it's nice to type about. We're going to be at home on The Big Day itself, with Sophie joining us, along with a few of Philippa's many relatives. Then on Boxing Day we are off to Ted and Beryl's for one of their Annual Over-The-Top Festive Extravaganzas, because Beryl is yet again - for possibly the 14th year in a row - worried that this is the last year she will be physically and mentally able to be hostess and she is determined to prove she has one more in her. 27th we will have at home, allowing the boys to relax and for Mathew to throw himself into his new toys (of which I imagine there will be many). Then I will be working for a couple of days, which shouldn't be too taxing, and then we're off to my old boss Tom's house, for a Philippa-family-based gathering that will probably have at least twice as many attendees as Ted and Beryl's Boxing Day Bonanza. They have LOTS of children, who have lots of children, so it'll be a big one. Then I have - perhaps foolishly - put myself down to be working on New Year's Eve and New Year's Day, and then I'll have a few more days at home before the schools reopen.

It's nice to be spontaneous with things, but it's also nice to know what your schedule is, especially when there are young children involved, so it feels REALLY good to have got all this stuff lined up.

And now, despite myself, I am starting to enjoy the build-up and the festive thoughts and the cosy Christmas adverts. So roll on Sunday, when the advent calendars are unboxed and the decorations are pulled out of storage. Because YES my friends, the first weekend in December is when I normally like to put the tree up, and Sunday is the 1st of the month, so we're doing it! Technically, I know, it's not the first complete weekend in December, but what the Hell?

RC 27-11-24

addendum to the addendum

It's not taking up ALL my mental space at the moment, I assure you, but just a little follow-up to Saturday's blog posting, which was a follow-up to the one from the day before...
All that stuff I wrote about is why I am really terrified about my sons seeing social media in the future, unless things change dramatically.
I have done far too much research into how these things are run, and it's more alarming than anything else going on in this crazy world at the moment. The manipulation of emotions, prompting of behaviours and general methods of controlling what you see really isn't that far away from brainwashing. Everyone thinks they are in charge of their own feeds and they're not. The more you try and make it an individual experience for yourself the worse it gets, because you are interacting with the algorithm that controls it and giving it more ammunition to attack you with.
And we can't underestimate the effect of children being exposed to too much 'real world' stuff at an earlier age than any generation before them. Yes, they have to learn that terrible things happen and death and pain are everywhere, but it's nice to let youngsters avoid that for as long as possible, preferably until it presents itself in their own lives. These days, they're encountering these horrors - sometimes actually seeing actual footage of it - as soon as they're old enough to pick up a device. They are seeing things that NO-ONE, in my opinion, should ever see, much less people of school age. They're having to deal with exposure to things that must be having a deep psychological effect, without getting any support, and sometimes without anyone even knowing what they've been affected by. They're having to 'grow up' at a ridiculously young age, before entering an adult world where more and more people these days are acting like juveniles. And that must be confusing, and will probably only get worse.
So yes - I would love to ban both my children from social media, but I know it is no longer possible. And yes, I would love to see a sensible form of control instilled, with some kind of body overseeing all this stuff and keeping it at a level that is, at the very least, safe for our children. But I fear it is a hopeless dream on my part. 
Anyway, this was supposed to be 'just a little follow-up' so I'll stop now.

RC 25-11-24

addendum

I'm not dwelling on it too much - but just a little afterthought to attach to yesterday's blog offering:

I think a lot of what I wrote about, and a lot of the things I struggle with, has been made worse by the way we live our lives these days. I don't want to rant on about social media again, as I've done that to death in the time since I launched this virtual ship on the blogsphere, but I do think that it has exacerbated the worst elements of human life and led us all down a dangerous, ugly path. 

In times past, when you were feeling overwhelmed or scared, you could reach out to your local community for support and guidance. There would often be someone who could lend you a hand with a problem, or who would know what was needed to get you through your current state of confusion. 

Now, most of our 'contact' with other humans is done online, where their only helpful response will be some kind of emoji. And while you're reaching out to them online, you're also seeing the multitude of posts from people who are claiming that their lives are incredible, and seeing them supposedly coping with the very things that are making you feel inadequate; and that cannot be helpful; that will make you feel worse, even though  we all accept that most people's online persona is manufactured, filtered and exaggerated towards the positive. We all feel lost and adrift, and when we need an arm around us and a local support network, we get a quick picture of someone hugging a heart, or someone posting how their situation is worse, as you've given them an opportunity to make it about themselves again. It's making us feel alone, and unprotected, but we're all guilty of contributing.

Anyway, I'll stop talking about it now or it will make me feel morose again.

RC 23-11-24

Lasting a day can be an achievement

I am ridiculously enthusiastic, energetic and optimistic today. I say 'ridiculously' not to make you think this is a disappointing state to be in, but to highlight how unusual it is for me to feel this way in recent times. Or for most of my adult life, to be honest!

I am realising more and more, as my time on this planet races onward and my age starts to resemble a speed limit rather than a radiator setting, that I am quite an unusual chap and that I think very differently to most people. I think, dare I say it, that I probably find day-to-day life more difficult than a lot of you lovely folk out there. That may be down to my upbringing, or it may be some kind of neurodiversity, or it may just be that I lack the necessary skills to find this stuff easy, and I lack the ability to learn those skills as I go. I really don't know, and I'm not sure my life would be improved by knowing why this is; but I think it's important to acknowledge that it is true, and to be kind to myself about that reality and to not make myself feel shitty just because I think I 'should' be able to cope with life. There are so many hard circumstances and tricky situations that we all have to get through in our everyday existence, and I have no doubt that overwhelm and fear get their claws into everyone at some time or other, but I also have no doubt that there are those of us that struggle with those things a bit more, and more often, than others. What may be a mere inconvenience for you might be a major mishap for me. What I can breeze through with barely a thought might trouble you for more than a fortnight. We all have our ways, and our ways of coping, and life is a different dilemma for us all.

I guess what I'm saying is - every single one of us is simultaneously able and unable; confident and terrified; experienced and naive; hopeful and desperate. We all suffer the downs as much as we enjoy the ups, we all get confused as much as we feel sure, and we all want to hide undercover as much as we want to face the world head on. And that's ok. That's human.

RC 22-11-24

Happiness is an illusion.

Funny how the wrong song at the wrong time can lower your mood and take you to a place of uncertainty. I mention this as a follow-up to my comments yesterday about our festive playlist at work and the tunes that I will not allow to be on it. I was thinking about it on the drive in this morning and my hatred of 'Last Christmas' by Wham is probably down to a particularly unpleasant memory, rather than anything about the composition itself. I don't want to go into details, and I don't feel the need to relive it, but it's quite amazing how emotional scars of the past can tingle and throb in response to a little prompting, and how you can be taken right back to the way you felt when the incident itself occurred. The pain is almost comparable, even though it is years later and that person is out of your life now.
Although, to be fair, 'Last Christmas' is also a shit-awful song.

I suppose, conversely, that the same is true of the nice memories and the uplifting music. An unexpected airing of something that you loved in the past can transport you back to a special occasion and emote those same feelings again. That's why couples talk about having 'our song' and they do that pathetic, soppy look at each other when the tune from their wedding suddenly plays on the radio.

In other news, I am very excited about getting to watch some animated Christmas stuff with Mathew this year...

RC 21-11-24

Jingly

I may end up hating myself for this, but I have wilted early this year and allowed Christmas songs to be played at work already.
I imagine I'll be sick to death of them by the time we start opening advent calendars, but it's nice to see people smiling in the offices (well, the ones who haven't put earplugs in) and I can even confess to feeling a little extra glow of warmth in my soul as the cheery tunes waft around in the background. We're still not putting trees up or decorating the function rooms until December 1st - I am sticking to my guns on that front - and I've also insisted that Mariah Carey and Wham are not included on the playlist. Those two songs are the ones that really grate my gizzard and I simply cannot envisage a time when I will ever be happy to hear them again. Even once...

RC 20-11-24

Rory's Realisation - 19th Nov. edition

There are going to be some people you meet in life with whom you will never be able to get anything right. They might be employees, romantic partners, neighbours or relatives; they might even be strangers you have a chance encounter with in a shop, but whatever your level of engagement, you are going to get in wrong, in their eyes. No matter what you say, how you act, or how much you try to satisfy them, they are going to react badly, and hurt your feelings. Say something nice and they'll call you patronising.  Buy them a gift and it will be the wrong colour. Tell them the truth and they will tell you it's not what they wanted to hear. You cannot please all the people all of the time, and every so often there will be people you can't even please once, and it doesn't make you a failure or unpleasant. It's just the way life is.
So don't adjust who you are to fit in with every little criticism you receive. If you've really made a mistake, then try not to repeat it, but if someone is just having a go at you because of their own issues, rather than your behaviour, then that is their concern, not yours.

Yeah - you guessed - it's been a difficult day at work.

RC 19-11-24

Yum! (and a proud, contented sigh)

Oh man, did I absolutely bang one out of the park with my cooking last night... It's so nice to have two days off in a row together again, it makes me far more inclined to do worthwhile things on the second day. So yesterday I spent most of the afternoon prepping and in the evening I did a 2024-vintage Signature Rory Roast. And oh man, was it good. Even allowing for my usual self-deprecation and hypercritical self-analysis, and especially allowing for my lack of recent practice, I would call this meal a winner. I would award myself a B+ at worst. I am not, by any stretch of the old imagination, a good cook, but there are things I can do well, and every so often I get something really right and serve something up that I can be proud of. Last night was one such occasion.
I'm not even sure what I did to make it so special. I didn't try anything new or add any extra ingredients, I just put together some of my favourite ways of making things for a roast and it just WORKED. Maybe it was the fact that I took my time, or that I wasn't rushing to get the thing done after a long day at work. Maybe I just concentrated and made sure I did everything properly. Maybe it was cooked with an extra special dollop of love. I don't know, but I hope it wasn't a one-off and is a sign of things to come. I lost a bit of confidence in the kitchen earlier this year, so it's nice to feel like I can produce something worth eating again!
And obviously, being me, I've got carried away now and have planned what the next 57 meals are that I'm going to cook for the family. This week's shopping list might be long, and pricey.

RC 17-11-24

A fun family Saturday

I met someone last night who may well have had my dream job - he was a pyrotechnical engineer for nearly 15 years. And for those of you who cannot guess what that technical title means - he was basically a dude who set off fireworks. Big ones. Big displays for big events in big towns and sometimes for celebrity parties. For the majority of his working life from ages 20 to 35 he would travel around, setting up and installing huge, expensive displays and then be the person in charge of setting them all off. Can you imagine? You can take your airline pilot, spaceman, explorer and professional sportsman and any other extravagant work scenarios you may have dreamt of in your youth and keep them, because as far as I'm concerned this man had it nailed. He is only stopping now because he's about to become a dad again, and is determined not to miss out on his young son's life by being away five days a week, forty-odd weeks a year. I can understand that sentiment, but wouldn't it be cool for that kid to reach age 5 or 6 and realise that HIS DAD is the one lighting the sky up for everyone else to enjoy? Wouldn't that give him (or her) the best standing in any classroom anywhere in the world?
But no, instead of that, his dad is now about to become a delivery driver for one of the many companies that clog up our roads and pavements so that Mr and Mrs Lazybones of Britain can shop online instead of venturing outside to visit a shop.
Sorry - I drifted off-topic there and got a bit ranty about something unrelated that has obviously been boiling my blood more than I realised. What I actually wanted to write about was the lovely day we had planned today, but I haven't got time for that now, so I'll have to tell you all about it tomorrow.

RC 16-11-24

SAD go f**k yourself

I have to say that I am looking forward to Christmas already this year, and I'm not sure I've felt that way this early in the year for a long time. This is weird for me, but I'm even enjoying the fact that I'm driving home from work in the dark now, as it's telling me that SantaTime is getting closer by the day. Have I been through some strange middle-aged personality switch? Am I now in a real-life version of the classic B-movie "Invasion of the Body Snatchers", where an extra-terrestrial imitation of me has hatched from a pod and replaced me in the world, unnoticed? Probably neither of those things, but it's fun to speculate.
Anyway, my point is that I am halfway through November now without feeling morose or lethargic, and I am confident I can ride this wave of pre-festive optimism right thought the Yuletide season and into the New Year. And then I'll have my birthday to look forward to!

RC 15-11-24

So lazy (but not so...)

Well, I'm back.
Back, in the sense of being back home in Suffolk; and Back, as in the sense of returning to this blogsite. No explanations or excuses for absence, let's just reconnect and start afresh from now...

Our holiday was bloody fantastic. It can be a real trial to take young children away for a lengthy trip, but our week together couldn't have gone better. Rian is old enough to travel comfortably, and Mathew is old enough to understand what is happening and to even get excited about the fact that we are away. We had a whale of a time. I know people can spend countless thousands on foreign voyages to show their offspring the world, but we went off to a picturesque part of our home country and it was perfect for us. Mathew has already asked to go back. It's a possibility, but we're also considering the idea of staying even closer to home for our next booking, as there are some beautiful areas to visit not far from us, and when you're away, you're away, as far as I'm concerned. There doesn't have to be a ten-hour flight and a massive change in temperature before you start to see and feel the benefits of a break.
Philippa and I got on tremendously well, too, which was lovely after a difficult up-and-down few months. I never doubted our relationship, but the longer these things go on the more you worry they might be ending, and I did have wobbly moments over the Summer where I wondered if we could find a way to reconnect. But we did, and it's been wonderful since.
And I've even enjoyed being back at work! Having a nice spell offsite after the madness of the school holidays and then the havoc of Hallowe'en was just what I needed. Now there's less day-to-day firefighting and more of our usual Winter maintenance plan, so it's a lot less stressful and a lot more relaxed. And I have my weekends back now! I won't be working Saturdays until the start of Easter, and it's so lovely to know that we can plan more family things for the days when Philippa is off-work and Mathew is off-school. It's hard when I only have Sundays free in the Summer, and I'm normally exhausted on those Sundays, so we're determined to make the most of it while we have it over the next few months.

RC 14-11-24

If I was God...

This is a weird thing to suddenly post about after a bit of time away from blogging, but wouldn't it be a great design improvement if humans evolved to produce hot tea from our nipples?

RC 5-11-24

fizzling out

I realised today that my 'cold' didn't really develop into anything bothersome; it just kind of hung around for a couple of days and then disappeared. Almost like a brief burst of hay fever. Maybe that's what it was - a minor allergic reaction to some bush or other that had got confused by the warm weather and started behaving like its Spring.
On a similar note - something that has been troubling me in the past couple of months - did anyone actually see any wasps this Summer? Normally our sites are plagued by the bloody things from mid-August onwards, but this year we've barely seen a dozen. I mean, I hate the bloody things and I'm glad they didn't turn up, but it's quite an alarming fall in population if there weren't enough around to be noticed. Last year I was putting up wasp traps and calling out pest control every week; this year there's not been one murmur caused by the wing of an insect. Add to that the fact that we have flowers re-blooming now that should only appear in April and it looks like things might be changing quicker than even I had realised.
But anyway - enough of such depressing things. I am starting to acknowledge that we have a little holiday of our own on the way, and I am starting to get excited about it. Philippa already has a list of things we need to remember to take, and a separate list reminding her where the first list is in case she misplaces it. Bless her, I wish I could show her that holidays are supposed to be about stress relief and relaxation, and that this can start even before you've left the house, but if she isn't fretting about what we need to take with us then she isn't comfortable, so I'll just let her get on with it (and then I'll probably pack my stuff the morning before we leave...).

RC 25-10-24

A week today is Trick or Treat Day...

We're about to get very, very busy at work again. Hallowe'en Half-Term Holidays seem to be quite the thing these days, and our occupancy rate has gone from 'barely noticeable' to 'almost overwhelming'. I am scurrying about getting things prepped for our activities and ordering extra decorations as the ones we have seem unlikely to last more than 12 hours before looking like they'll disintegrate. I am double-checking risk assessments and protocols and reconfirming with all staff and visiting entertainers. I normally trust people and relax, but I always feel extra pressure at this time of year as it was me that pushed Gavin to do so much more than he used to. So it feels like a Rory Project that is firmly on Rory's shoulders and will be Rory's fault if it all goes screwy. But the past few years have gone absolutely brilliantly and I really don't need to worry unnecessarily. But I will, coz that's the kind of guy I am. Which is probably why it always goes well - I overplan it to the point of exhaustion...

RC 24-10-24

Cheating the Climate

There is something so pleasant about walking around without a jacket in the second half of October. I suppose it's because I still remember a time when the tenth month was part of Winter, whereas these days it seems to be the main participant in Autumn. We've had some gorgeous sunsets this week, resplendent with colours that I'm not used to seeing in Suffolk skies. Almost everyone I know has been posting pictures of 'the Northern Lights as seen from Norfolk' (which just look like a normal night-time picture with a bit of green and red added. I could get the same images by messing up the colour balance settings on my old camera). Anyway, the point I guess I am trying to make is that it all feels rather unseasonal at the moment and I guess that is all evidence of our effect on the planet. It's not something to worry about anymore, it's something to be dealt with. And in a way, I am enjoying it! I hate Winter, and the fact that we are experiencing weather that is very much un-Wintry is absolutely fine with me, even if it's indicative of some serious underlying planetary concerns and a sign of some serious issues ahead. Today it is mild, and that'll do for me.

RC 23-10-24

Am I even close to sanity anymore?

As one thing that I worry about leaves my tiny brainspace, another seems to appear in its place to vex me and to trouble me in my overnight waking weirdnesses.
My car seems to be making odd noises again, and also seems to be determined to pull me over to the left side of the road and force me into a hedge or two. If I let go of the steering wheel at anything north of twenty miles per hour it heads for the kerb quicker than a drunk teenager on a blackout. And I know that, legally speaking, I shouldn't let go of the steering wheel while driving, but how else am I supposed to test my theory that my car is possessed? Because that, dear reader, is the conclusion I have come to. There is not a minor mechanical fault or a need to pump up the tyres - I am actually in the unfortunate position of being in possession of a vehicle that is in the throes of its own possession. Beelzebub lurks beneath my bonnet. Satan is in my spark plugs. The Devil inhabits my distributor cap. I am probably two weeks away from being found upside down in a tree, still held in place by my seatbelt, after ploughing through a group of pensioners at a bus stop. And it won't be ME that was in the driving seat, you understand. It will have been HIM - The Dark Lord; Lucifer; Old Nick. Send me an Exorcist, quick, and have him pick up a pizza on the way. I'm peckish. Encountering evil makes me hungry...

RC 22-10-24

Cold Quiz Answers (and an answer)

Okay... the first four were genuine. The last four I invented...

In others news, my Irish correspondents have been in touch and it looks very, very likely that the Chesworths will be venturing across the Irish Sea to The Old Country next Summer!!!

RC 21-20-24

God, here we go again...

I think a cold is imminent in the body of your erstwhile blog host. I arrived home last night with a slightly burning throat and I have woken up with a bit of a sniffle, and while changing The Nappy of The Rian this morning I sneezed a succession of sneezes that startled my son into tears and left my nose feeling like it had been blown three yards away from my face.
If I am correct in my assumptions, then I will very shortly enter into a frame of mind where I am REALLY pissed off. I REALLY do not want a cold. I find them irritating in the extreme (see many previous entries for evidence), and the first cold of the year is always an indicator of the onset of Winter, which I am REALLY not ready for. So, in an effort to combat the inevitable, I am drinking hot water with honey and lemon, swallowing echinacea tablets like they're TicTacs and looking online for every and all available old-school remedies to hold off a virus. They are numerous, and baffling and amusing in equal measures. So let's do a little quiz, as both my sons are asleep and the rain is slamming against the windowpanes:
I will list 8 unusual ways to treat the common cold. Half of those will be genuine (either from present day or historical times past) and the other half I have completely invented, so are not to be tried under any circumstances. Your job is to ascertain which is which. I shall furnish you with the answers tomorrow....

Go to sleep wearing cold, wet socks.
Go to sleep with dirty socks wrapped around your neck.
Crush garlic into a glass of hot milk and drink it.
Mix linseed, raisins, liquorice and rum.
Mix ginger, brandy, goats milk and nettles.
Hug a stranger (to pass the pain to them).
Walk backwards through a hedge while holding your breath.
Lick the wings of a butterfly.

RC 20-10-24