Forthcoming

This time next week, Philippa and I will be in Austria. I’m starting to get nervous now. Not just because I like flying about as much as Jo Brand likes dieting, but because it’s a big step for us as a couple, and we may find out things we don’t like. I’ve discussed this with her, and she called me a pessimistic sod who was trying to curb her excitement, but I can’t help it. She’s wonderful, and the more time we spend together the better things seem to get, but going away with someone and being with them sunrise to sunset is different to seeing them four or five days a week and knowing that you’ll have time on your own soon. Hannah says I sound uncommitted and if I was her boyfriend she’d be doubting my feelings, but I don’t think it’s that. I’m not worried that I’m going to find it hard being with Philippa all the time, I’m just terrified that she’ll find it hard being with me. You may have noticed over the years that I don’t have a very high opinion of myself, and I find it hard to believe that someone I consider to be wonderful can look upon me with anything other than disdain. But I know I have to be careful, because if I go in expecting the worst I could end up inadvertently engineering things to be that way, and the holiday could go awry through no-one’s fault but my own.

On a less therapy-based note, Ted and I are playing chess today for the first time in months, and then Philippa is joining us for tea. Beryl is cooking roast lamb with ‘all the trimmings’ which, for Beryl, means ‘all the trimmings money can buy.’ I’ve warned Philippa to expect a plate the size of a dustbin lid, and at least three days to recover.

RC 13-2-11