Animal rapist

I saw a pigeon trying to have sex with a blackbird this morning. It was bizarre, and strangely hypnotic. The blackbird (which was male, by the way) was trying to eat a discarded apple on the pavement and the pigeon just kept sneaking up behind and trying to climb on top of him. At first I thought he was making a move for the apple, but it soon became apparent he had more amorous intentions. The blackbird kept swinging round to peck it, and to chirp the bird equivalent of ‘No means no, now **** off’ but the pigeon just persisted. I was about to pick up a stick and smack it one when the blackbird decided to abandon his breakfast and fly off to a more peaceful pavement somewhere, leaving the pigeon forlorn on the roadside, sporting the same dejected expression I tend to have at two o’clock in the morning at a party.
You don’t see things like that on Springwatch.

I overheard a wonderful conversation at work last night. It was between two middle-aged men in the canteen and went like this:
“Did you see the England under-21s play last night?”
“No, I forgot. I went for a walk by the river. It was either that or stay in bed for a wank and I thought that would feel like a waste.”
“Don’t ever say that. A wank is never wasted. It always gives you something, even if it’s just a sense of shame and embarrassment.”
Priceless

RC 24-6-09
1135 BST