5705

It’s been a day for poetry.
My cyber-girlfriend Melissa Rhyke (27) of Florida has sent me some words to commemorate our six-month anniversary. She’s a bit late, but there we are – Better Late Than Dead, as my nan used to say. It’s a personal poem, written form the heart, so I wouldn’t dare share it with you; but suffice to say it does for romantic poetry what Adolf Hitler did for Jewish longevity.
The lack of basic meter is forgivable, but when someone rhymes ‘desirable’ with ‘admire a bull’ they deserve nothing more or less than my contempt. My adoring love for her can overcome the hurdle of never actually seeing her, but this insult to the world of poetry could create problems. I have some serious soul-searching to do.

In the meantime, the Swaffham Haiku Information Trust has asked me to pen them some verses. I Hate Haiku In English, but they’re paying, so…

Elvis is not dead
He was seen today in Cork
Or was that Shergar?

Death to all Hippies
With their pot and their free love
I’m so envious

I am a bubble
I float as high as the clouds
Because I take drugs

Work in an office
Is like sitting on an asp
It will end in pain

Oh sweet Lord Jesus
Save me from the painful sound
Of English haiku

I know I’m my own worse critic, but even by my harsh standards, those were pretty awful.
I shall punish myself by not eating any chocolate for 12 hours. That will take me up to 3.30am tomorrow morning.
I’ll set my alarm..

RC 18-4-08
1530 GMT