People are really annoying me today. I don't
know why, and I know it is more about me than about what they are doing, but it
doesn't make it any less of a problem. I am writing it out here in an attempt
to get over it, because I am rather worried that I am going to get increasingly
wound up and end up exploding at someone who doesn't really deserve it. You
would think I would be used to dealing with the public's foibles, and I am, but
every so often I have a day when I just want to be on my own, doing my own things,
instead of having to take care of everybody else's.
I think I might be missing Mathew. After our lovely day together on Sunday it
was really hard to drag myself back into work and concentrate, and the fact
that it was a Bank Holiday on Monday and most of our friends were all taking
advantage of the extra day off, and the lovely weather that accompanied it,
while I was stuck back at work and having to help run a scavenger hunt, really
wound me up a bit. I kept getting messages and seeing online updates about
garden parties and barbecues and beach trips and playparks, and it bugged me. I
know the lesson is that I shouldn't look at my phone while at work, and I
shouldn't think about what I could be doing instead of earning some money, but
I couldn't help it this week. I seemed to enjoy torturing myself. And today I
am wallowing in the 'poor me, I missed out' headspace.
So, as I said, I am hoping that writing about it here will alleviate it
somewhat, because it's a pointless way of feeling and thinking and there's
nothing I can do to change the circumstances, and I will have plenty of other
opportunities to enjoy quality time with my sons. But it's nice to admit that I
am missing them, and it's nice to realise that that's what the problem is, and
it's not the fault of anyone here at work. And shouting at someone or acting
like a twat towards them isn't going to change the way I feel.
Thank you.
RC 28-8-25
Thursday, 28 August 2025
wrong side of the bed?
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