Second Attack

My cold seems to have come back. I don’t know what this virus is, but it’s a weird one. I had three days of sniffles, soreness and lethargy, then I had a day of feeling fantastic, and now I seem to be on Day One of a cold again. Is it the same thing biting back, or a new illness leaping on the immunity dip caused by the first?

I knew I should have studied medicine.

Actually -that would be a terrible idea. I have a deep-seated, well-ingrained tendency towards hypochondria, and every time I learn of a new disease or condition I start convincing myself I have it, so spending years at university being trained in every possible human ailment would probably have caused me a breakdown.

Following on from that, to help pass the time until hometime, I present for you:

A LIST OF DISEASES THAT I HAVE JUST MADE UP. (but I bet that by the time you finish reading them, you’ll be recognising some of the symptoms and wondering whether you have them)

FASTIDIOUS NECROMITIS: An inflammation of a gland you’ve never heard of, causing you to become obsessed with staring at dead bodies.

WOBBLER’S GANGLYON: A strange growth on the scrotum of elderly men, frequently accompanied by an itching sensation and uncontrollable laughter.

CRANIAL ACNE MAJORIS: A rare condition in which a teenager’s lifetime supply of pus is contained in one huge whitehead spot on the forehead.

JASON’S EGO: Psychological disorder making athletic young men trawl the globe in search of wool products.

ORALUS PULPOUS DENTITIS: An unusual swelling of the canine teeth in young adults, leading to an ogre-like appearance. Often seen in children of cameramen.

RC 29-11-19