Hidden pleasures

Today was a more relaxed day for me, so maybe my chat with Miss Amateur Psychologist 2019 did me more good than I realised. Or maybe it was just the fact that I slept well last night. Or maybe it was the big bag of Midget Gems that I helped myself to from the supermarket, secreted away in my drawer, and picked at during the day while dispensing my necessary tasks.

It’s strange how a little rush of sugar can lift my mood. I feel better, even before my body has broken down the sweet into its component parts and released them into my bloodstream, so it must be mostly a mental thing. Does it go back to my childhood, I wonder? Does it bring back memories of a time when a simple treat could make life worth living and all cares and woes were someone else’s concern? Does it put me in a similar position to those school days, when confectionery was effectively banned and I used to have to sneak a Rolo into my mouth when the teacher wasn’t looking? It always felt so subversive, naughty and gratifying in a way that can only happen when you’re ten or eleven, and maybe we lose that feeling as adults, when it’s harder to fight against authority without consequences far more serious than a detention. So maybe recreating that scenario today was a subconscious ‘screw you’ to The Man, because I feel weighed down by responsibility and can see no way of escaping it, so reverted instead to behaviour that gave me a sense of freedom while younger.  Maybe The Me Inside was seeking release from the tedium of the modern by rooting himself in the relaxation of the past.

Maybe that’s why today has been better for me – I’ve distracted myself with all this bollocks instead of worrying about what I should be doing for work.

RC 27-3-19