Insomniac, 25, seeks answers..

Here’s a few of the things I mull over while laying awake in daylight between shifts..

Why is clingfilm so impossible to use?

Why do we still change the clocks in March and October?

What is the point of Graham Norton?

Is the warm lovely feeling I get when seeing Donna a result of the unexplainable cosmic force of love? Or am I just desperate to bang her?

If a tree falls over in the forest, and there’s no-one there to see it fall, can I still get away with stealing magazines from the library, even though I know it’s wrong?

Why are magazines so expensive?

Is the fact that I’m still benefiting from the ‘National Geographic’ subscription that Melissa bought me as a present before we split up contradictory to my attitude that she’s a bitch that I wish I’d never encountered?

Why don’t I understand the atom?

Isn’t everything about quantum physics complete bollocks, made up by physicists to keep themselves in a job?

Why do people doubt that we ever went to the moon?

Why don’t they ever show ‘Dogtanian’ on childrens TV anymore?

Why is the female mind so confusing?

Wasn’t ‘Parkinson’ so much better in the seventies?

Is it really wrong to eat cheese with every meal?

Why do I get so breathless when I do even small amounts of physical exercise?

Are the answers to the last two questions connected?

If sci-fi was never invented, what would fans of ‘Star Trek’ and ‘Star Wars’ find to fill their vacant lives?

Feel free not to send answers….

RC 26-3-09
2115 GMT