A gentleman caller

Hey

A ‘religious activist’ knocked on our door today and asked if we were interested in converting to Christianity. My mum, who was drunk (it was after 3pm) told him we only converted to PowerGen last September and would he kindly piss off.
He did.
You can’t blame him – the sight of a Marlboro-chugging 18-stone behemoth plunging down the hallway in slippers and a bath gown must have made him question the Work of God in a second. When mum’s in that mood – fuelled by Jim Beam and bouncing off the walls like a pinball – it’s a bit like watching Captain Caveman with more leg hair.

I’m confused by our celebration of Easter. Jesus was betrayed, and died in horrible agony nailed to a cross, so we buy each other chocolate and take the kids on a treasure hunt? Something, somewhere has gone terribly wrong.
I seem to be the only person in Norfolk who finds it galling that on the very anniversary of The Crucifixion, our local hardware store will have 10% off all timber.
As the good book says – “Let Not The Suffering Of My Son Get In The Way Of A Good Sales Opportunity” (Harrods, Ch8, V7)
I wrote an in-depth letter stating my disgust, quoting passages from the Bible I felt appropriate, and printed copies for the local newspaper, my local MP, the manager of the store, the Council and my Pastor. I went downstairs to post them, but mum had used the last spare envelope to roll a joint.
He Truly Does Move In Mysterious Ways..

Regards

RC 20-3-08
1620 GMT