I
got a little depressed last night, thinking about how much time I don't
spend with my children while they're off school. I know work is important, and
the pennies pay for the products, and I'm lucky to be in a job that I enjoy
most of the time, but it still hurts that my career path has led me to a
cul-de-sac that I have to stay in during the weeks that my boys are on their
break from education. And if I keep working in this industry, that will be the
case throughout their whole childhood. And I am only too aware that once they
get to their late teens, the chance to spend lots of father/son time with them
will be well and truly waning, as they find the outside world and its
temptations luring them away from their family.
So it stings a little.
And it's great that, once we get past October half-term, I get to spend both
days at the weekends with them, but it upsets me that right now I get in at
night a bit knackered from a day at work, and have to squeeze in a little bit
of time with them both before they head off to bed, and I'm normally too
frazzled to really give them 100% of my energy and attention. And soon they'll
be back at school and bedtime will be earlier again, and they themselves will
be tired from their day and not too keen on playing with their dad.
I know I'm just being Negative Rory here and finding
the shitty bits in amongst a truly wonderful situation, but it helps to type
this stuff out and then read it back and see what's come out. I am missing them
today, I think, and wishing I could be with them more; but I can't, because I
work here, and so we just have to make the best of it.
RC 22-8-25
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