When you gotta go, you gotta go..

I think every person, in every situation, be it a relationship, a job position or a geographical location, reaches a point where they know in all certainty that it’s time to move on; to change. It’s not discomfort or boredom, it’s an absolutely certain knowledge that if you don’t get out, and soon, you’ll be rendered insane or unstable, and you have to make the move for the good of yourself and all the other people involved. Once the point of decision has been reached, delaying departure for even one day could be catastrophic.
I reached that point with work three months ago.
I’ve realised now how much my life in general is dominated by my work life. If I have a bad day at work, it makes me miserable at home. If I have a day when everything goes well at work, then I am happy and contented and nice to Philippa. It should work the other way round, I know, but for some reason I can’t get it right. Surely if I have a great morning with my fiancee, then that good feeling should carry me through an evening shift at the supermarket? Well it doesn’t, and I can’t tell you why. My head just will not work that way. And on my darkest days, I see that as Philippa’s fault. I think “Well if she was really the one for me then her love would be enough to see me through a tough day at work. But it isn’t enough, so she can’t be the one”
I know that’s ludicrous, but that’s just the way it is. 
So I’m setting myself the task of being out of the supermarket by the end of September. I  have to give them a month’s notice, which means I have to have found something new and handed in my resignation by the end of this month. So I have four weeks. Four weeks in which to change the thing I really want to change, rather than dwell on thoughts of changing other things that deep down I really want to keep the same. 
Recently I’ve considered care work, I‘ve considered teaching, and I’ve rejected them both. But that shows you that I’ve been looking for a way out, and trying to set myself on a new path, even while I’ve been dragging myself down further by continuing with my current career.
The decision is made. The deadline is set. Now I’d better go and look at some job websites……

RC 5-8-13