It has been suggested to me that my recent
confusions about life and general tiredness and bout of depression might be
down to the fact that I have a big birthday coming up in 3 months-time... I
would like to say that is absolute crap, but there may be something in it. I
thought it wasn't an issue but as we've headed into October I must admit it has
made its way to the forefront of my mind. And people keep going on about it.
Beryl has phoned four times in two weeks to see if I will let her throw a big
party. Work people are telling me to arrange something that involves all the
staff, and my sisters are hassling me to book a venue before all the decent
ones are taken.
The thing is, I'm not really sure I want to do anything. Is turning 40
really such a big deal? Most people seem to find it a really depressing
milestone to reach, and it does seem to be weighing on me a little, so why would
I consider celebrating it? Why would I give it more importance than it needs,
or already has? I think I'd rather just have a nice day with my wife and sons,
or maybe a little holiday somewhere for a few days, rather than some kind of
big blow-out where I'm surrounded by people I'm not particularly pleased to be
around, and where I'd hate being the centre of attention. I might suggest that
to Philippa, actually - let's put the 'party money' into a 'vacation fund' and
take the boys to Legoland, or something similar. If we get that booked, then we
don't have to plan anything else closer to home for around January 20th. Then we
can tell everyone else to stop asking me about it, and I can stop thinking
about it, and maybe I can enjoy the last few remaining weeks of my 30s in
peace.
RC 12-10-23
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