There seemed to be an odd atmosphere around me as I
went about my daily duties for my employer today. I don’t know how much of it
was imagined, but it made for an unpleasant, paranoid shift. Some people seemed
to be acting as if I’d already left, some were looking at me as if they’d just
recognised me from some horrible online crime story, and others – that I’ve previously
spoken to frequently in my time here – just chose to ignore me. Maybe the news
of my resignation has spread and my colleagues aren’t sure how to react.
Actually, that’s probably unlikely. I let the
company know I was leaving on December 1st, and this isn’t exactly a
workplace that’s known for keeping secrets.
Philippa thinks I have some underlying uncertainty
about my decision to change career, and my subconscious is projecting my inner
guilt outwards onto other people – so I’m seeing the attitude in other people
that I really have towards myself. I didn’t realise she’d had psychology
training as part of her induction as a doctor’s receptionist, but she may be
right.
RC 19-1-20
Tuesday, 19 January 2021
Work was Weird
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