My joy at imagining myself as a movie mogul with
control over castings has faded now. I need something new to occupy my mind.
Do I start to do my French course? That I mentioned
in my ‘things to do in lockdown’ post? That I’ve had sitting on a shelf for
about seven years now? Probably not…
Do I look up new recipes and try them out on my poor
wife? Maybe, but that won’t satisfy the constant need for mental stimulation,
and the need to be distracted from things that are niggling me in the real
world. I guess the best answer, the one that psychologists or spiritual
advisors might send my way, would be to do NOTHING. Don’t give in to the urges
for obsession, just let the feelings pass and get used to not acting on them
and then things will be easier in the future.
Well, maybe, but this is the way I am and this is
the life I’m used to. I deal with the darkness of my own creation by attaching
my mind to pointless tasks. If I stop doing that, I’m not convinced I’ll cope
with the reality that I find myself concentrating on. So I’m open to
suggestions for something I can get my mental teeth into to….
RC 26-4-20
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