Forward-thinking

Well, today has felt long, weird and exhausting.

First of all, I must apologise for going back on what I said a few days ago and using another hyphenated blog title today. I’ve been trying to think of one word that would sum up the topic of what I’m about to write about, but I’ve hit a blank wall, so I’ve had to go with ‘forward-thinking’ and I can only hope you will forgive me.

Anyway – to the matter at hand.

I felt pretty good this morning, but work dragged me downhill quicker than a Ferrari could drag a feather. I know I’m not exactly full of the joys of worklife at the best of times, but recently it only seems to take one small comment from above or one poorly worded e-mail from suppliers to send me heading for recruitment websites. I’m hoping this recent lethargy will pass, but I think it’s fuelled by some of the things I can see going on in other parts of the company, and I can only see them taking the business one way, and that would involve yet more job cuts and yet more work for those left behind, so in that regard I’m not sure there’s anything I can do to change my attitude. Except leave.

So – with that in mind, I opened my heart to Philippa tonight about what’s going on and how I feel about it. She asked a few questions and then got about three hours of me rambling on at her and moaning and being all ‘poor me’ and ‘I’m unappreciated.’ I was even bored myself by the end of it, so God knows how she managed to sit through it all.

I felt better afterwards though, so I have to wonder why I’d kept all this shit bottled up instead of talking to her about it sooner. I just like torturing myself, I guess.

Anyway – far from being angry, disappointed, demonic, emotional, threatening or any of the other negative emotions I’d expected, she was very understanding and supportive. She pointed out that me taking the job in the first place was only ever a ‘try it and see’ scenario rather than me making a lifelong commitment to the position. She likes having evenings and weekends with me, but isn’t too bothered where I work, as long as I enjoy it.

I then mentioned something that I’ve been mulling over for a while, but haven’t mentioned to anyone, even you or my wife!

I said “What if I went back to the idea of teaching? Once you’re back at work, would you be happy to support us for a year while I did my PGCE?”

She said, “Absolutely. Yes.”

Just realised – I could have used the word ‘progressive.’

RC 20-8-19