Man in Pain

Every so often I get an obsessive thought stuck in my mind that I can’t get rid of. It rattles around my head, niggling away and nagging at me and ends up causing me no end of pain, even though it’s not real. The latest one is this - I’ve convinced myself that Philippa is having an affair. There’s no real evidence for this and no real change in her behaviour that might lead a sane man to question her commitment, but none of that matters; my imagination and insecurity is all that is needed to make it a plausible conclusion and one to worry about. 
I don’t have a great deal of experience with sex matters or relationships, but one thing I do now is how easy it is to talk unhappy people into bed. If you hit on someone with low self-esteem, you can flatter them and let them talk and tell them how worthwhile they are even though they can’t see it and it isn’t a great step from there to persuade them into the bedroom. I don’t mean to offend or be incorrect or insensitive, I can only speak as I’ve found; and I’ve done this to young women in the past, and I’ve had it done to me. When you’re feeling low, you want someone to lift you up. When you’re vulnerable, you’re an easy target.
And therein lies my anxiety.
Philippa is in the midst of a massive life change and is struggling to keep her head above water as she drifts in a sea of discomfort. I’m not sure what I can do to help, so I’ve retreated into myself and convinced myself that she’s seeking comfort and support from someone else. From that first tiny little nugget of doubt, I have built a mountain of internally fabricated evidence that the sane part of my mind is now finding insurmountable. I’ve thought it, so it must be real, that’s the way I’m thinking. 
And it hurts. 

RC 28-1-18