Inspired by my pool thoughts yesterday, and bored at work
for a couple of hours, and lacking anything else to write about, I’ve
gone back to my list of all the Olympic sports and thought of ways to slightly improve
them all and make them more fun:
Archery with knitting needles for arrows
Athletics every athlete has to compete wearing wellies full of porridge
Badminton with the shuttlecock replaced by a live bird
Basketball while dressed in a diving suit
Boxing with no weight classifications, so a featherweight might face a super-heavyweight
Canoeing using a cheeseboard as a canoe and a garlic press as a paddle
Cycling with flat tyres and a buckled wheel
Diving into jelly
Equestrian using hobby horses that the athletes have to make themselves. Out of balsa wood.
Fencing athletes erecting fences around the Olympic village. They are judged on three criteria: speed of construction, least amount of wood used, and whether or not it’s all level
Football wearing stilettoes
Golf in a minefield
Gymnastics performed while dressed as pantomime dames
Handball played with hand grenades
Hockey 3-legged version
Judo replaced by ‘judoku’ – new game where competitors have to fight each other while fitting numbers into a grid
Modern pentathlon with the five events being tiddlywinks, origami, juggling, fishing and kerplunk
Rowing a married couple have a row about who should empty the dishwasher
Rugby sevens rugby played by 7-year-olds
Sailing in a wind tunnel
Shooting blindfolded
Swimming in sewage
Synchronised swimming in a shark-infested pool while covered in fish blood
Table tennis played on a dining table, with tennis balls, and using dustbin lids as bats
Taekwondo on the top floor of a skyscraper
Tennis with the court enclosed by a ten-feet high concrete wall
Triathlon with the three disciplines being a yard-of-ale, competitive eating and trampolining (in that order)
Volleyball using a 10-pin bowling ball
Water polo replaced by a new game with the same name, in which you have to hold your breath and push a polo mint along the length of the pool using your nose
Weightlifting with one arm
Wrestling with alligators
RC 11-8-16
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