God I hate clairvoyants. And psychics, and crystal healers, and mediums and any other conman charlatan bastards who prey on people’s pseudo-religious beliefs to make themselves feel better and make a few quid without having to do a proper job.
I mention it because I had an encounter with someone today that took me very close to punching a woman in the face for the first time in my life.
She came in and put £24 of petrol into her little Peugeot, and as she reached across the counter to pick up her Mastercard she brushed my hand with her fingers. She instantly did a theatrical intake of breath, rolled her eyes upward to look mysterious, and then started spouting a load of bollocks about my aura being out of alignment with my spirit guide. Honestly it was like a really bad amateur dramatics version of a fairground ‘Tell Your Fortune’ machine.
She said I need to stop saying ‘no’ to things. She said my default answer to everything is ‘no’ and even when I say ‘yes’ with my mouth, inwardly I am saying ‘no’ at the same time, so that I am never fully committing to my ‘yeses’
She also said that seeing her in her ‘studio’ every Friday for six weeks would help unblock my aura and retrain me to step away from my defaults.
I told her I’d rather spend every Friday for six weeks buried neck deep in David Cameron’s diarrhoea and we decided to leave it there.
I’ve been thinking about it all day, and I wonder how many people might fall for this shit and end up paying her for ‘sessions.’ I’ve realised that what she said and what she claimed to do has basically a 50% chance of looking accurate. Everyone on Earth, I would guess, could be described as ‘saying NO too often’ or ‘saying YES too often.’ So all you do is pick which one you’re going to say and throw it out there and wait to see if it lands. Try it 10 times a day and you’re bound to hit on someone with low enough intelligence or high enough desperation to go “My God! You’re right! I DO do that too much!” Then you just charge them thirty quid an hour to tell them things that they really should know for themselves anyway. It might only happen once a week sometimes, but you wouldn’t need a very high success rate to start churning over some decent money.
Hmmmmm. Maybe instead of criticising her, I should be looking on her as a mentor and analysing her business plan.
Maybe filling station management isn’t the way I should be going. Maybe I should be buying a headscarf and having some acting lessons and converting the garage into a ‘studio’
It’s worth thinking about…..
RC 30-5-16
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