making friends, everywhere I go..

I met one of those complete f***-wits that life throws up at you today. 
He was the kind of person that, unfortunately, people from other parts of the UK imagine when they think about Norfolk. 
He was rude, stupid, incoherent, ignorant, prejudiced, smelly and vague. 
To explain the background to our encounter - one of my favourite Spring/Summer activities besides cycling involves parking the car somewhere and just walking. Quite frankly, I don't care if I'm following designated footpaths or not. I don't deliberately trespass, but as long as I'm not trampling someones’ crops or walking through someones’ flowerbeds I don't see why anyone should have a problem. Mr F***-Wit did not agree. 
He drove up to me in his dirty Land Rover, with his wellies and flat cap on, and with his four loudly barking dogs in the back, and proceeded to have a go at me. Now, in these confrontational circumstances (as anyone who has tried to make a complaint to me at work would know) I tend to go one of two ways.. Either I just laugh at you, or I start acting incredibly dense. 
Today, I chose the latter part, and I'm so glad I did because he just got more and more angry, and tried harder and harder to make me engage him in a violent argument. After the fourth (I think it was the 4th - it might have been 5th or 6th) time of me pretending not to understand him, he said "The sign says PRIVATE. Then it says NO PUBLIC RIGHT OF WAY, because that’s what PRIVATE means."
I said "Oh, right. And this was on a sign you say?" 
We then had an amusing debate about where the footpath (that I claimed to be following) should go and he said "It runs parallel to the road. And there are 475 signs up telling you where it goes." 
I said "Wow - 475? You'd think I might have spotted one of those.." 
At this point he was gripping the steering wheel so tight that I thought his knuckles might explode. Through gritted teeth he said "It's clearly marked on the signs. A five-year-old could understand it" 
So I said "Ah, that's an idea. I'll bring a five-year-old with me next time - I think I've got one at home somewhere." 
This was the point at which he spent a few seconds wrestling with the idea of shooting me, before muttering "I'll leave that with you. I suggest you make your way back to the road" 
I said "Yeah, you're probably right. Sorry about that." and then, just for good measure and a final act of defiance, I set off walking in the same 'trespassing' direction I had been going in the first place. 
He wasn't happy, which cheered me up no end. 
Rory 1 Farmers 0 

RC 11-3-13