God knows what I ate last night, but this is the dream that resulted:
I was sitting in the middle of an electrical shop, riding an exercise bike to raise money for charity. It was all going well until a group of hooded youths turned up and started throwing half-peeled satsumas at me while singing a One Direction song. Suddenly, on the screens of all the televisions there appeared a video of Philippa telling me she was leaving me because I was fat and ugly. The video ended with her riding off on a jet-ski with Daniel ‘Harry Potter’ Radcliffe, and then the video went back to the start and played again. I couldn’t stop crying and I just wanted to get off the bike and go home, but the manager of the shop was standing behind me shouting “Don’t give up, bitch. We haven’t raised a hundred quid yet.” The manager, by the way, looked uncannily like one of The Hairy Bikers from TV (although I can’t remember which one)
Then, typically of dreams, I realised I was naked and everyone was laughing at me.
I’m not sure I ever want to sleep again…
RC 16-3-13
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