A strange state of mind

Everything feels surreal. My routine of work is about to be turned on it’s head and even though I’m glad to be leaving, the change is starting to scare me. I’ll miss some of the people, and I can’t deny that the stint there has done me good. I’m better off financially, I’m more than three stone lighter, and my confidence and self-esteem have risen considerably, and unexpectedly. I think being in gainful employ, even in a position I hated, made me feel better about myself (and more of a man) than sitting around convincing myself I was too good for most jobs in Norfolk. I guess it’s my working class background. My grandfather, uncles and father – as far as I remember him – were all grafters and I suppose that’s still inherent somewhere in my genes. Maybe working as a barman, dealing with honest working men when they call in for their daily intoxications, will make me feel more grounded. Assuming I get the job, of course, which is far from a foregone conclusion. I have no experience, I lied on the application, and my only knowledge of business finance was being responsible for the bar kitty for the University Chess Club. Still – the application said full training provided, so who knows?

Beryl has gone off to her sisters again. Ted insists it’s a routine visit, but I can’t help feeling he’s pushed her to the end of her tether again. That poor woman does everything for him and all he does is slag her off, and piss her off. Maybe ‘a few days away’ will do the trick and provoke him to start taking care of himself, and to stop taking her for granted.
Mind you, it didn’t work last time did it?

RC 21-9-09