From the sublime to the ridiculously ugly..

I’m sitting in the library staring at what can only be described as the ugliest woman I have ever encountered on this planet.
I called in to look at Donna for a while, and to get out any books they might have on The Highway Code before I start driving lessons next week. It turns out the only book they have that’s relevant to the Highway Code… is the Highway Code. And there’s a six month waiting list to get one.
Donna is looking radiant in a blue blouse and pin-striped skirt, with her hair tied back using an orange hairband. Funny how you notice all the small details when you fancy someone..
Seeing Donna’s natural beauty in the same room as the monstrosity opposite me only highlights just how hideous this gargoyle is. Who was that actress who looked a bit like Fatima Whitbread and appeared in the Bond movie ‘Living Daylights’? Imagine the offspring resulting in a coupling between her and a toothless in-bred Siberian goat farmer. Then imagine that offspring having an anvil dropped on its face by a passing 747, and then having facial reconstruction performed by a drunk, blind, one-armed insane capuchin… And you still wouldn’t be anywhere close to describing the rancid beast I can see beyond the monitor.
The people who spawned her and let her out in public should be arrested and charged with crimes against humanity. If God exists, and we’re made in her image, she must have been having a hell of a bad hair day when she created this thing. I keep closing my eyes just to give myself a break from her. I like to believe you can find beauty in anyone… but I don’t think you could find beauty in this if you did a four-year autopsy with a laser.
I think I need to be sick.

RC 26-3-09
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