A thought I can't shake...

Half the year has gone.

Jesus.

RC 30-6-23

Wimbledon't

I realised today that the Wimbledon Championships starts on Monday and this is yet another year where I had planned to get tickets to see some of the early rounds, and then haven't.
Never mind, the TV coverage is good and it's a lot cheaper to feed yourself while watching it at home than it would be if you were buying lunch at the tennis club!
It's the same way I feel about festivals, really. On previous years, when I've sat on the sofa glued to the Glastonbury performances on the BBC, Philippa has asked me if she'd like her to try and book tickets for the next year and I've always said No. Why be camped in an overcrowded field with 200,000 other people, queueing for absolutely everything and watching bands on a stage half a mile away when I can have a much more comfortable experience back here in my own living room? I can't even think of any acts I like enough that would provoke me to change that way of thinking. I suppose Bob Dylan headlining might see me tempted to fork out a few quid and spend the week in a tent, but for the price of a full ticket to Glastonbury I could probably buy a high resolution copy of every live DVD he's released, and a copy of all his albums, and have money left over for snacks and drinks to enjoy while I'm watching him in close-up on my own television, so even Bob might not do it for me...

RC 29-6-23

2110 BST

From the Mind of my Mind

In lieu of me being able to write anything interesting or even coherent, here are a few random thoughts I have scribbled down at different points of the past week or so:
Feel free to agree with, or disregard them, as you see fit:

"The Big Lebowski really is one of the 10 best comedy movies ever, right?"
"Anyone who rides a horse on roads that they know are narrow and busy, with poor visibility, really can't moan at motorists when their horse gets startled by the traffic."
"It's amazing how quickly your 'new car' becomes your 'car'."
"A dull day after a spell of sunshine is like a night of insomnia after two weeks of peaceful sleep."
"Ted has already mentioned the fact that The Longest Day has passed and that we are heading towards more darkness..."
This isn't necessarily connected to the statement above, but... "Euthanasia for old people should be offered as readily it is for old animals."
"Why are online videos featuring small dogs and water hoses always so damn funny?"
"Driving on Summer evenings with a sunset visible around you is one of life's true joys"
"But driving directly towards the setting Sun while it's just above the horizon is horrendous."
"People who write lists instead of posting a proper blog should have their kneecaps clobbered with a fence post."

RC 29-6-23

Down Day

Man, today has been a struggle, and I can't even tell you why. I've just felt deflated, flat, dejected, depressed, tired, upset and a bit useless. I think every Human Being has days like these, even if we don't all admit to them, so I just kept reminding myself that there wasn't anything wrong with me and that this isn't going to last forever and I just needed to accept the feelings and get on with it and do my best and ignore the shitty voice in my head telling me I was terrible and that everything will be ok. And what happened?
Everything was ok.

RC 27-6-23

Brief/major annoyance

I'm getting royally pissed off at the way that this blogsite keeps automatically resizing my text when I write more than one paragraph in a posting. There's obviously a setting somewhere that has been updated and I need to change, but I don't know how to do it and I don't really have the time to find out.
I can understand that they probably think they're helping people out by having features that automatically format stuff for you, but I like things to look the way I want them to look, not the way some bollocksy algorithm has decided it should look, which would basically be an amalgamation of the way everyone else's site looks.
Is it too much to ask to be in control of my own production?
Bastards.

Anyway, on a much less irritating subject, I have to say I am quite glad it has cooled off a little bit. I try not to moan too much when we have hot weather, because it is infinitely preferable to being cold, but the last two weeks have been energy sapping and uncomfortable, whereas today is pleasant and manageable.
Thank you, climate, and very well done. Do please carry on in this fashion for the next 3 months at least.

RC 26-6-23
2012 BST

Just a tiny Glastonbury blurb

I caught the brief highlights of Candi Staton's afternoon set and thought to myself "She's been around for a hell of a long time, she must be nearly as old as Elton, but she looks great and is bopping around the stage like a good 'un." So I looked it up, and she is 83.
83!!  

I double-checked it and I still can't believe it. If I can sing like that in front of that big a crowd when I'm 83.... well.... I just hope there will be a guy in his late 30s who will be impressed enough to blog about it.

 

And so to my thoughts on Elton John - well, firstly the f**ker can still play the piano! 

His voice was a bit shaky at times, but some moments shone, and 'Candle In The Wind' was phenomenal.

I like the way he introduced lots of acts most of us hadn't heard of and gave them a chance on the big stage. 

And is there anyone else on earth who can fill 2 hours with that many recognisable instant hits?
And this is more about the TV coverage than the performance, but there was an amazing drone shot where they pulled away from the stage and went up and back, so you could see the enormity of the crowd and then take in the size of the whole site. It was a brilliant bit of direction from whoever was running the programme.

 

And that's all I have. I have spent the morning humming "Daniel" to myself, so the songs obviously stuck in my head.

RC 26-6-23

Swelterin' and Eltonin'

I have seen absolutely ZERO coverage from Glastonbury this year. Normally I soak up as much as I can, but this year it just hasn't happened, even for a minute or two.
So the only part of the festival I shall see is the Headline act on the final night. And I have a horrible feeling that it will be a disappointment. Elton John's voice was shot to bits 5 years ago, I can't imagine he'll be able to hold up for a two-hour set on a hot Summer evening.
But I am settled down with a glass of wine and some Pringles and I hope to be proved wrong.

RC 25-6-23

A few odd thoughts

I don't know if the phrase "My, it's Close..." is used to describe hot and clammy weather in other parts of the country/world but I've certainly heard it plenty of times here in the past few days.

I've started booming my 'Summer Songs' playlist out in the car while driving.

 

I went for a swim after work tonight. The sea is still quite cold, but it felt good to be in it. And I haven't showered since, so I still have that lovely sensation of dried sea salt on my skin.

 

The Ashes cricket coverage on BBC Radio has been surprisingly enjoyable listening while working in my office on these hot June days. Shame how the first Test ended, but I'm already looking forward to the next one, starting next Wednesday.

 

I watched "Guy Richie's The Covenant" late last night, and I have to say, bearing in mind it's a Guy Richie film, it is bloody good! Reminded me of 'Black Hawk Down' in many ways and that's not a comparison I make lightly. And the main actor (well, the main actor who isn't Jake Gyllenhaal) was brilliant. Shame he is probably destined to have a career only playing terrorists and maybe one Bond villain along the way, because he was by far the best thing in the movie. (Which is always impressive when Jake Gyllenhaal is in it).

RC 22-6-23

...makes the world go round

This will be more of an observation than an exciting blog posting, but it strikes me that more and more these days, people are obsessed with money. I guess it's always been the case, but we're in a time with humanity where most of us have more than enough for anything we need, and yet more and more of us are complaining about not having enough. Almost every conversation I have with people at the moment is finance based. Everyone is talking about price rises, and fuel poverty, and interest rates, and mortgages, and it's all negative doomy stuff, as if money has ceased to exist and we're all about to become penniless, worthless and hopeless. And most of the people saying these things are in full time employment, live in nice houses, and drive nice cars, so I don't really see what they have to be worried about. It's as if we've been brainwashed to think that what you have is the only important factor in determining how good your life is, and everyone is constantly trying to feel better by attaining more. We have people on holiday with us at the moment asking to borrow the use of an office laptop because their phone reception is bad and they need to check their bank account. When I asked why they vitally needed to do this while in the middle of a family holiday, they looked at me like I was a piece of turd floating in their soup and said, "I haven't been able to see it since Monday". So there was nothing urgent happening, there was no real need for them to keep up to date, they were just obsessively wanting to look at their financial situation, because that's what they do every day. I'm sure that's not healthy, but I'm sure it's quite common. We don't really have any control over most aspects of our life, but we can pretend we do by watching closely from an app while the powers that be do what they like with our existences.

Not really sure where I'm going with all this. But I try not to think about money too much, and I try to avoid people who do, and that's becoming increasingly hard because so many people seem obsessed with it.
The pandemic really didn't teach us anything about what's important, did it?

RC 16-6-23

Quantum Poem (Jurassic Park)

I had another go at one of these, this time with a particular theme. I don't think this is anywhere near as good as the other one, but I thought I might as well share it.

 

Darkness, rain, suspense

Sharp claws and sharper beaks

Roaring Rex, a broken fence

'Life finds a way', a scientist speaks)

 

And now I'm going to stop doing these particular little distractions and find something else to obsess about for a little while.

RC 15-6-23

Less food / Less threads

Well, we had our barbecue tonight, but the shopping side of it didn't go as well as I'd hoped. I thought there'd be loads of leftovers in the bargain aisle; instead there turned out to be very little choice when it came to meat of any kind. Obviously everyone in Suffolk turned into an insatiable carnivore over the weekend. And I forget that I can't do what I used to do when I worked in supermarket management and stash some stuff to one side in the fridges out the back so I know the things I like won't be bought out by the public. (Not that I'm confessing to ever doing that of course. I know it's a couple of years since I left, but I think they might be the kind of company to still come after you years later...)
So we had to make do with some standard Cumberland sausages (which were nonetheless very nice) and a few 'Steak and Butter Burgers' from the gourmet section that were ridiculously expensive for what they were, but again were very nice.

I have to say I've definitely been sleeping better over the past few days. Whether that's down to the reflexology treatment I had on Thursday, or whether it's down to June weather actually being June-ish, I don't know, but it's been lovely.  It's also been bloody lovely to finally make the jump from Winter to early Summer. On Monday night last week I was wearing a jumper and a coat and I was still cold; today I was wearing shorts and T-shirt and feeling overdressed.

RC 12-6-23

B(argain)BQ

What a day! 31 degrees C in our garden at one point! Rian was decidedly unimpressed, and as a result Philippa didn't have a good day, but Mathew and I had a whale of a time with the paddling pool up and a carefully positioned beach tent providing a bit of shade. God, parenthood gets better as your children get a bit older, doesn't it? That's my conclusion, anyway. Certainly for dads. Well, certainly for this dad. Mathew is such a little character now, and he really knows what he likes and he's quite vocal and forceful about getting it. So sometimes there are little clashes and minor power struggles as he pushes boundaries and tests limits, but generally he's a good lad and most of our time together is spent laughing. He really has his own personality now, and I'm so relieved that I like it!

I was going to end the day with a barbecue, but we hadn't ordered anything suitable in, and I couldn't be arsed to nip out to the shop just for a few burgers and sausage or two, so I may do that tomorrow. Let's face it, every arsehole and his stepmum would have been prepping for a barbie today, and I didn't want to get caught up in the mad scramble for the last bottle of ketchup. (It's the same reason we didn't tackle the beach today - first decent weekend of Summer so every numbskull nobhead would be piling straight to the coast.) Tomorrow, anything that wasn't bought over the weekend will be on reduced price and Yellow Stickered, so we'll get the same kind of meal for a third of the price!

RC 11-6-23

Quantum Poem?

Someone was talking to me today about some computer game or other that I'm not familiar with, but it somehow led to a discussion about something called 'quantum poetry' which apparently features in some little scene in the game he was discussing. The idea is that you have to write a 4-line poem, with two rhyming couplets, but it has to make sense no matter which order you read the lines in!
Well, Rory does love a writing challenge, and obviously I have nothing better to do on a Friday afternoon at work, so I gave it a go...
And this is what I came up with: (I won't give you all 24 versions, but I can assure you they all work!) I have to say I am rather proud of it:

 

A lakeside cabin dark and warm

A creeping fear, a nagging doubt

Shadows casting eerie form

Beating hearts and muffled shout

Rebellion / Reflexology

I had to sort out my first major issue of the Summer Season today, and it was annoying because it was so avoidable and so unnecessary and so time-consuming. The entire housekeeping staff at one of the smaller sites have all threatened to quit at the same time. Apparently they've been raising various concerns with their Team Leader, who hasn't bothered passing them on or doing anything about them, so now they want a completely different contract promising better conditions and a cost-of-living increase to their hourly wage. I've never been one for negotiations, and I've never really had to tackle it before, because most of my employers had a large HR department at a large Head Office who would deal with all that stuff, so I feel a bit like I've jumped off a diving board without being sure how warm the pool water is (or something like that).
So it'll be an ongoing process, but for now I have had to bring in a couple of agency people at ridiculous expense, have had to open a disciplinary procedure about the Team Leader, and have had to arrange a meeting to placate the disgruntled employees, who it turns out are probably in the right.

In other, more selfish, more Rory-centric news, a lovely therapist called Amy (who works in our spa) has offered to give me a reflexology treatment tonight before bed, as she thinks it will help get my sleep patterns sorted out again. I'm willing to try anything at this point, but I'd forgotten to tell Philippa that it was happening. And then I was surprised when she didn't react positively to a phone call saying, "I'm not coming home to cook and take the boys off your hands for a couple of hours, I'm going to stay on at work so I can selfishly get an attractive young lady to massage my feet."
I'm getting close to 40, but I guess I'm still not great at dealing with other people; even the ones I'm married to!

RC 8-6-23

Awake / Aware

Well, this latest little spell of insomnia shows no sign of slowing down. I think I was wide awake and full of thoughts constantly from 1.11 - 3.14am. It's annoying that there is very little darkness at this time of year, and yet I seem to be awake every night to experience it. Maybe that's part of the problem - my body is reacting to the fact that it's daylight for 18 hours a day and is trying to get me to stay up and make use of it all. Caveman circadian rhythms, and all that.
I actually think, though, that this time around the insomnia is coming from a place of positivity, rather than a place of discomfort. I'm not being kept awake fearful and fretting, I'm lying there in bed feeling excited and optimistic about things. My sons are both doing well, I'm really enjoying work now it's busy again, and Philippa is slowly instigating career changes for her that have put a spring in her step and a huge smile on her face. Why wouldn't I be happy with all that? And why wouldn't my subconscious want to keep me active for more hours when there are nice thoughts for it to think and nice events for it to look forward to? If the day ahead is one that I'm anticipating happily, is it any wonder that I'm finding it hard to switch off and rest properly? Rather than a return to depressive thought patterns and worries, this time around it could be that I genuinely can't wait for the day to arrive and get started and getting a decent sleep seems like it would get in the way of that or delay it somehow. Maybe every day for me is a bit like Christmas Eve now, in that way.
Jesus, I'm so sorry for mentioning Christmas in the first week of June... But as Beryl pointed out to me on the phone this week, "Longest day is very soon, then it starts getting darker, and then we'll change the clocks. Christmas will be here before you know it..."

RC 7-6-23

Nocturnals / Nomenclature

Hate to sound repetitive, but I didn't sleep very well last night.
I seem to have a few physical tweaks that are causing me a bit of concern, and laying awake last night they were really starting to bother me. Not from a pain sense, but from a mental sense. I started to think about what might be causing the discomforts, and whether they are all linked, and whether it's an ageing thing, or whether there is something really rather wrong with me. I'm proud of myself for NOT doing what a lot of people would do in that situation - I didn't use the internet to research my own symptoms and diagnose my own condition. But after spending hours in the darkness lost in my own head, I'm now wondering whether or not it might have been better to do the 'online intrigue' thing, because some of the ideas my silly imagination came up with are almost certainly far worse than anything I could have read on my laptop.
Anyway, it's probably all nothing and I just need to relax and stop worrying about it.

In other news, I am slowly settling into the wonderful world of Mazda ownership. The new beast is a comfortable drive, has a bit of poke to it when you slam down the accelerator and is ridiculously spacious. Philippa has already pointed out that we could comfortably fit two more children in it, (and has been rapidly steered away from that thought by me). I have to say, as well, that I really like the name 'the new beast' as an official moniker, now I've used it once in this blog posting. I'm not normally one for christening my vehicles, but let it be known that henceforth the current Rory car-of-choice will be known as 'The New Beast'

RC 6-6-23

Insomnia / Indigestion

I didn't sleep very well last night, but I think it may have been down to the gargantuan amounts of dead animals that I ate during our evening BBQ. Sorry, vegetarians, for the way I worded that, but it is the truth, isn't it?

It felt so Summery over the weekend that it finally felt like we were in the correct season, and it finally felt like we should be acting like it is Summer. So we had a walk at the beach, a play and a paddle with the boys, and then I just simply couldn't resist the urge to fire up the old barbie and cook and eat outside. The one thing I miss about my days in the supermarket trade is the lovely discount card I had. I used to be able to stock up on a load of stuff from the butchery department without worrying about the prices, but these days it costs a bit more to pig out and give the family a feast. But sod it, we're both working and we all love food, so why not splurge on an edible treat every now and then?
So we had minted lamb kebabs, soy-coated chicken strips, spicy chicken wings, succulent Aberdeen Angus burgers, and some rather delicious pork and apple sausages. All washed down with a marvellous, refreshing, non-alcoholic fruit punch that Philippa found the recipe for online.
And it just felt great to be doing it, enjoying it, and wallowing in the warmth. It has felt like Winter has lasted for about nine months, and we finally seem to have arrived in nice weather.
And apologies again to any vegetarians for all the meat mentions.
And don't feel too bad for me about the discount card thing - I was still using it six months after I left the company, so I certainly got plenty of use out of it....

RC 5-6-23