Sunday, 26 August 2018

Never Again


A list of things I would genuinely rather do than ever have to sit through “The Lord of The Rings: The Return of The King” again:

Burn my drums.

Push sharpened chopsticks slowly into my pupils.

Be used as a sex toy by all 53 members of last year’s Philadelphia Eagles squad.

Give up solid food for the rest of my life.

Ride a bicycle naked from my home in Suffolk all the way to Edinburgh, with no drinks allowed for the duration, and diverting my way deliberately through every hedge full of nettles I spot in the first 50 miles.

RC 26-8-18

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