I
am feeling, I must be honest, a little lacking in belief in my own abilities.
It has been a difficult few days at work and I have made a couple of silly
little mistakes, and they seem to have made my feelings of self-admiration
evaporate. I am questioning my own decisions, second-guessing my certainties
and feeling as if I need to check everything I do with someone else, as if I
need validation from a superior before I am sure I've got something right.
Hopefully it's just one of those things, but it's not something I'm used to in
the workplace, and unfortunately my 'negative projection' head has starting to
make me anxious about the fact that it's only May 29th, and we have months of
hard work ahead, and an incredibly busy Summer Holidays to come that will make
this half-term feel like a gentle inconvenience. It all feels 'a little too
much' and I'm not looking forward to the drive in every morning, which again,
is not a situation I am used to. I may have my off days, but I'm always quite
enthusiastic and never find myself dreading the trek to the office. Until this
week...
I mean, let's be honest, I'm no stranger to spells of the occasional
depression, and the skies this week have been that type of grey that seems to
soak into my soul and quash all my optimism, and it's never a good thing when
we're having rain showers that remind me of Winter. So maybe it's all just that
- the lingering elements of SAD being rekindled by the damp air. (Actually I
think 'rekindled' hints at something bursting into flames, which of cause can't
happen in damp air... But anyway...)
So I shall carry on regardless and see what the morrow brings.
RC 29-5-25
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