May may have marched past March

In some ways, May has felt like the longest month of my life. But in other, better, ways, it has been glorious, gorgeous and great. I think May now be my favourite month of the year.
Everything looks wonderful right now, possibly as beautiful as I've ever seen it. I am so content and I wish our climate could be like this all the time. I don't need to see the changing of the seasons to know that I absolutely love Spring and Summer. From now until about mid-July, I am in Heaven.
Then I'll start dreading the start of the coming Winter.
But for now, right now, I am right in the middle of it, and I'm aware that I'm right in the middle of it, and I'm aware it will pass, so I'm enjoying every awe-filled second of it.
And that's being helped, of course, by the return of SpringWatch. I watched the first one live but then only caught up with the other three episodes today. It really is wonderful, even if the over-enthusiasm of the presenters sometimes borders on 'annoying post-menopausal women on social media' vibes. My absolute highlight so far has to be the acorn weevil. What an incredible creature, and what incredible work to get the footage that detailed all its wonderful habits. I also loved the golden eagle section, but that goes without saying really, as they are such amazing birds. Regal, colourful and elegant (not unlike myself...)
Anyway, enough of my gushing. Time to read with Mathew in the garden, because we can do that, because it's so warm and so light!
Goodbye to you, dearest of Mays, and I thank you for your visit. We'll see you next year.
And I'll see YOU in June, dear friends...

RC 31-5-25

Stop the Rot

I went into work early today so I could have a good swim and get some energy flowing into my body. I might have overdone it though, as I spent most of this afternoon desperately trying not to fall asleep on my desk.

RC 30-5-25

Crisis of confidence?

I am feeling, I must be honest, a little lacking in belief in my own abilities. It has been a difficult few days at work and I have made a couple of silly little mistakes, and they seem to have made my feelings of self-admiration evaporate. I am questioning my own decisions, second-guessing my certainties and feeling as if I need to check everything I do with someone else, as if I need validation from a superior before I am sure I've got something right.
Hopefully it's just one of those things, but it's not something I'm used to in the workplace, and unfortunately my 'negative projection' head has starting to make me anxious about the fact that it's only May 29th, and we have months of hard work ahead, and an incredibly busy Summer Holidays to come that will make this half-term feel like a gentle inconvenience. It all feels 'a little too much' and I'm not looking forward to the drive in every morning, which again, is not a situation I am used to. I may have my off days, but I'm always quite enthusiastic and never find myself dreading the trek to the office. Until this week...
I mean, let's be honest, I'm no stranger to spells of the occasional depression, and the skies this week have been that type of grey that seems to soak into my soul and quash all my optimism, and it's never a good thing when we're having rain showers that remind me of Winter. So maybe it's all just that - the lingering elements of SAD being rekindled by the damp air. (Actually I think 'rekindled' hints at something bursting into flames, which of cause can't happen in damp air... But anyway...)
So I shall carry on regardless and see what the morrow brings.

RC 29-5-25

an 'end of love' poem

Everyone on Earth seems to have written a 'recently broken up message to their ex' poem, so here's mine, even though I'm still very happy with my wife:

I have realised something.
Something about myself.
I'm okay.
I have cried myself dry.
I have roared at the sunset, howled my pain at the moon,
and crippled myself with the agony of remembering.
But I'm okay.
And there will be nights I wake up cold,
and days that seem endless and empty.
And I will see you from afar, and feel bereft.
And our eyes shall meet in the way they used to,
even while you are arm in arm with another.
And nothing will taste as sweet as it did when we fed each other.
And no kiss will be as deep, or delightful.
But I'll be okay.
I can walk through this world untethered.
I can exist as one among many.
I do not require a shadow, a partner, an 'other half'.
I am whole.
I might want you; miss you; love you.
I don't need you.

RC 28-5-25

'A Love Poem'

If I saw a thousand sunsets
They would not compare to you
The subtle beauty of your eyes
Overpowers even the brightest twilight

Nothing seems the same now
All fades in reflection
Even life itself seems less potent
Lost in the shadow of your radiance

Pain has lost its power
Sadness is a distant cousin
Seldom seen and unconsidered
They waver on the edge of existence

Tomorrow is not fearful
'twill unfurl itself as 'tis meant
It shall be faced unswerving
For you and your light surround me

RC 27-5-25

'tis a Bank Holiday, so it is...

Another typical British holiday, weather-wise, and yet again I have people moaning at me at work as if I am in control of the climate. I'll tell you what I tell them - 'I wish I had that power, but sadly I do not. Nothing would make me happier than to guarantee you sunny skies and beautiful days and consistent temperatures throughout your stay, but sadly I cannot.'
I've been trying to work out today how many Bank Holidays I've actually had off in my life, and how many I've ended up working. My employment history has seen me in positions where Bank Holidays didn't really mean anything, as we were always open to the public or restocking or something similarly 'necessary'. Best not to think about it too much, I guess, but I ask you to be appreciative if you are able to enjoy the extra days off you get every year.
At least, in this job, Gavin does give us extra holiday allowance to compensate; but then, there are only certain times of year we can use that allowance due to the nature of our business. So it's swings and roundabouts. Ups and downs. Peaks and troughs. Etc.

To end on a far more positive note - BBC Springwatch is back tonight, and I can't wait! I love catching up on iPlayer from my office at work while 'doing vital admin' the morning after its broadcast. I love it, and I really think that programme alone justifies the cost of the TV licence. (I don't pay for a licence, you understand, but if I did, then SpringWatch would justify the expenditure...)

RC 26-5-25

futile

I'm thinking I might have to abandon my Blog Challenge for this year, and just concentrate on writing and posting them when I feel up to it. The added pressure of trying to squeeze more than a dozen posts into the last few days of May is making me feel a bit sick, to be honest. I know it's nothing to do with the blog and more to do with my constant underlying anxiety and feelings of ineptitude, but it still adds fuel to the fires of negativity within me and I think I need to take the pressure off myself a bit. This thing - if it ever is readable - is best when I am just flowing naturally and writing about everyday incidents as they happen, rather than forcing words into the blogsphere because I feel obligated. I may well change my mind at a later date and go crazy with a burst of productivity (or write some haiku and post them one at a time, as previously considered) but for now I think the best decision for me and my mental stability is to abandon the 21-19-recurring theme of the year and save it for a future challenge.

RC 25-5-25

musings...

It's amazing how quickly I get a bit fed up with working on Saturdays. Not having two days off in a row makes the working week a lot harder, and I always get towards June and berate myself for not having taken advantage of my Winter work schedule when I had it.
Today is a busy one, as well, due to the joys of half-term. We're back at full capacity again and the site is ringing with the sounds of childish laughter and excited screams. That's okay, but the lack of parenting displayed by a lot of our visitors does start to grate on me a little bit, especially when I'm the one responsible for health and safety issues. When did it become okay for under-10s to just run around any open space unsupervised? Including indoor spaces like restaurants and amusement arcades? I know, as well as anyone, that little ones can be very energetic and I'm not saying we should tie them to a chair and keep them static like they're in a Victorian family photo, but didn't we used to teach our children to respect those around them, rather than treating anyone nearby as an inconvenient obstacle in their personal playground? I'm not saying we should go back to the days when kids would be whacked for the slightest indiscretion, but there's nothing wrong with a slightly raised voice remonstrating with a child in an effort to keep them and others safe, surely? If someone is letting their 6-year-old sprint at high speed with their head down and they hurt themselves by running straight into a bollard I don't see why the fault should lay 100% with our company. But I do fear that it does, and that fear is bubbling away at me constantly as I watch badly-behaved young 'uns do all manner of unacceptable things without a hint of a watchful eye from a parent.

By now, I imagine you're thinking, "Did you really restart blogging just so you could be moany? Maybe we were better off with the silences..."

RC 24-5-25

A Suffolk Friday

Looking out of my office window this morning, it could be a dark day in February. The sky is the colour of concrete, the wind is whistling through the woodland and people are wearing jumpers and coats. Honestly, the sooner I can live somewhere that's a consistent 20 Celsius and has 12 hours of bright sunshine a day, the better. I did do some research into all that, and unfortunately it ain't so easy since the joys of Brexit became a reality. In order to work abroad, even in a temporary capacity in the tourism industry, I'd have to sort my own visas and jump through about 27 or more different weird hoops, some of them backwards, depending on which country I would choose to call 'home'. And having a young family makes it even more complicated.
So I guess I have to stick where I am for now.
But it's not all bad, I guess. My job involves making sure other people have a good time, which is a nice way to spend my working hours, even when it's stressful. I'm in a beautiful part of the countryside with easy access to the beach, the Broads and all manner of delightful footpaths. I am happily married with two young whippersnapper carpetcrawlers who fill my days with joy and remind me just how great life can be, and I have been with the woman of my dreams for nearly 15 years now. That ain't so bad, is it? And yeah - all that would be improved if I didn't have to endure 290+ days of skanky British weather every year, but you can't have everything, and what I have got is pretty damn good, thanks.
Have a good Friday...

RC 23-5-25

snippets

Honestly, it's like I've resigned from this blog...

I'm still determined to reach 21 postings this month, though, so I shall be setting time aside each day and writing my cute little arse off to try and reach my target.

I fell into the usual trap of thinking, after a few days of sunshine, that the good weather would last til October. Then the cold breeze returned and cloud cover has come crashing over our skies like a blanket thrown by God to dampen my mood and enthusiasm.

Maybe this way of blogging is the way forward. Occasional postings containing short little bursts of writing. I keep reading that everyone's attention span has shortened and that the public can only absorb information in short amounts at a time, so maybe this is how I keep your interest in the coming months and years.

Or maybe I just go back to regular posting, and make it worth reading, and stop disappearing for days at a time, and try to hold your interest that way...

RC 22-5-25

Hello again

Man, oh man, have I fallen behind with my scribblings, or what? Has there ever been a lazier, less productive month on The Chesworth Chronicles than May 2025?
Here I am, sat in my office on a relatively busy Saturday, realising how much I haven't told you about events of the past two weeks, while also not wanting to bore you with unnecessary waffling and filler.
I'm also having an internal dilemma about whether to desperately try and keep my Blog Challenge going or not. If I want to get 21 postings done in May, I now have to write 19 times in 15 days, which feels doable, but a little self-indulgent. I could chuck in some poems here and there. I could write some haikus and then post them one at a time, that would probably help a lot!
Actually, I should probably concentrate on getting off my lazy arse (creatively speaking) and just commit to writing you a daily update and see where we go from there. That would be a starting point.
But now I have to go and order some toilet rolls. Lots and lots of toilet rolls. We're a big camp, and we have lots of visitors, and they don't half plough through some toiletries while they're here.
I shall leave you with that lovely thought for now....

RC 17-5-25

feast or famine

I've just realised I have put myself in the position of having to post a blog every day for the rest of the month to keep my weird 21-19-etc-recurring post numbers challenge on the table. So having ignored you for ten days, I am now going to bombard you mercilessly with constant content.
Today it's easy though, because it's been a joy of a day. The weather was hot, but with a hint of a breeze just to stop us feeling completely overheated. It felt like SUMMER and it was wonderful. My eldest son Mathew seems to have inherited my SAD and also a lot of my loves, many of which come to fruition in Springtime. So he was happily charging around when we went for out a walk in the woods today, and the only slight drop in his mood came when we refused to let him go for a paddle in a rancid looking pond full of standing water. Bless him.
Tonight we ate too much, then after the boys were in bed, Philippa and I got to sit in the garden with a gorgeous sunset in one direction and a bright full moon in the other. What a time to be alive.

RC 11-5-25

oddness

Well, haven't I just been the laziest blogger in the world in the past couple of weeks?
Actually, I think 'lazy' is not the word that I should really be applying to myself at the moment. I got involved with helping plan and put together a VE Day celebration, at short notice, which took up all my spare time and nearly gave me a breakdown. And we were ridiculously busy over the Bank Holiday weekend at work, which was a surprise. Suddenly it seemed that 80% of British people decided to have a 3-or-4 day break in Suffolk, and 80% of those were on our sites.
But it's good to be busy (he said, desperately trying to convince himself that it is true).

So, anyway, life has continued apace, and here I am, back again in the blogsphere that has been part of my life for about 18 years, but not for the past 10 days. I wish I had some revelatory insights I could pass your way, but I don't. I wish I had some interesting stories to tell you about the time I've been away, but I don't. Life has just continued continuing, and I have simply not put fingers to keyboard to update you about it as it unfolded. I hope, but do not believe, that you have missed me...

RC 10-5-25