An Ode

A long time ago, within this blogsphere, I expressed my admiration for some of Lewis Carroll’s long-form poetry, and expressed an interest in writing a nonsense epic poem of my own. I even knew what I wanted it to be about, and what I wanted it to be based on. It would be a pastiche of, and homage to, ‘The Hunting Of The Snark‘ and would tell a tale of where I think we are and where I think we’re going.
It’s taken me about four years longer than I had hoped, but I think I am now ready to share it with you.
Ladies and gentlemen: THE SHUNTING OF THE ARK….

The Shunting of The Ark


“I’m going to make it rain!” God said
“It’s high time that man became wet.
So they’d better get ready, and cover their head
With the driest hat they can get”

You see, God had toiled when making the Earth
And all Man had done was be lazy
He’d plundered the planet and wasted it’s worth
Behaviour that drove our God crazy

He’d sat up in Heaven, maintaining his silence
Berating himself for his folly
While down below Man unleashed warfare and violence
And “Sesame Street” and “Where’s Wally?”

He’d given Man free will; the urges to search 
Things to be worshipped, indeed
But on Sundays, instead of being thankful in church
Man just got drunk and spilt all his seed

Instead of the wafer - vodka he took
Instead of Communion; crimes
facebook he turned to, and then The Good Book
(Not The Bible, but Radio Times)

Religion came second to TV and cars
Less children knew God than knew Shrek
The World became run not by priests, but by ‘stars’
It was Surmon by Ant, and by Dec

God used to be quite a generous chap
He used to be peaceful and calm
But now he was angry, he’d had a bum rap
And he wanted to cause Man harm

So he rolled out some thunder and seeded a cloud,
made the skyline imposing and frightening
“I’m making a storm of which Zeus would be proud!”
He said as he sharpened his lightning

“Man better get ready to run for the Hills
He’d better start packing his bags.
I’m wiping out Prozac and dietary pills
I’m seeing off dealers and slags

It’s time to take back what is rightfully mine
I’m wiping the slate clean on Earth
I’m passing Man’s place further on down the line
To a creature who’ll realise it’s worth”

He tried to be fair; to give Man a last chance
So he sent him some signs of his plan
But the signals were lost in the desperate dance
Of “We’ll take what we like - coz we can!” 

If God needed his children to know how he felt
He should have uploaded online
With the millions of messages (badly misspelt) 
He might have got noticed on Vine

But Man did not heed the warning that came
He was sure everything was okay
And he carried on living and doing the same
And ignored the impending Dark Day

Man did as he did, as he always had done
He rode the most selfish of waves
Putting ‘soul’ behind ‘stuff‘, putting ‘faith’ behind ‘fun’ 
Sending hope and love into their graves

The forests kept falling, the fish disappeared
Man continued to rob the World blind
And the God that had made him, the God he once feared
Was the very last thing on his mind

So when the flood came he knew not what to do
He knew not that he reaped as he sowed
And the words of the wisest were proved to be true
As God took back the debt he was owed

He opened His Heavens and let the rain drop
To wash off the stain Man had made
And the People, in panic, all rushed to the shop
Thinking spending would come to their aid

The seas they all rose as the Wise had predicted 
Land became covered in water
God watched from above and felt coldly conflicted 
Lambs he had loved went to slaughter

As the deluge descended the multitudes prayed
Expressing the panic they felt
But the deity drowning them couldn’t be swayed
God turned a blind ear as they knelt

He had reservations but knew He was right
Mans behaviour had become abhorrent
God averted his eyes, turned the sky black as night
And increased the tumult of the torrent

For month after month, the rains pounded the Earth
Til the sins of the sinful were drowned
And the downpour of Death had soon proven its worth 
When no signs of our stain could be found

When the waters receded, the Earth was anew
And the plants and the birds they all thrived
Only Man, with his wonders, had fallen afoul
While the ‘lesser of beings’ survived

The ants in their colonies; bees in their hives
Wasps in their nests, with their Queen
Emerged into Sun and got on with their lives
Thinking not of the way things had been

The last of the Men, scattered hither and yon
One by one into darkness they curled
God smiled at his work, put his sunglasses on
And the insects took over the world 

RC 7-11-17