reflections

Hard to believe another Mathew birthday has almost rolled around. I keep thinking back to this week 7 years ago, and trying to remember what it felt like and how my mind was whirling and swirling with a multitude of emotions, but it's hard to put myself back there, simply because I am just not the person I was then, so I can't remember thinking and feeling that way. Life really did change the second he popped out into the world, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am not the person I was on the morning of 20th December 2018. I'm very glad, in a way, that I was writing this blog in the build-up to that monumental event. I've never looked back and re-read my old postings, but if I ever get to the point where I really want to know how something was affecting me, I know for a fact that I can just go back and read the relevant entry on this blogsite. That almost feels like a gift that my past self left for me, (in a 'Back to the Future, Part III' kind of way), and that in turn provokes me to keep writing, and writing honestly now, because my way of paying back my past self is to act like him, and in my turn write honestly now, allowing my future self to be able to look back and reflect and remember accurately. By being open on a daily basis, I am leaving an accurate record of who I am, and so I will always be able to know who I was. And that, I think, is a pretty special thing.
Hard to explain, as I'm sure you just realised, but special.

RC 16-12-25