I had a weird mini-panic attack today, thinking about everything that's coming up this month and worrying about messing it up for people. I suddenly seem to have responsibility over a lot of things that could be great future memories for people if I get them right, or huge disappointments if I get them wrong. My own children, other people's children, local schools who will be visiting, holidaymakers on their festive trips, my wife who deserves a relaxed, love-filled break from work. It just seems to be a big list of folk that I have influence over, when what I really want to do is just lose myself in a world of Christmas movies and indulgence and have someone else be responsible for my happiness. I suddenly feel like the grown-up when I want to do is enjoy the December magic as a child.
On a not-unrelated note, Mathew and I had a great time opening our advent calendars together this morning. Well, I had a great time, he just wanted to get to the chocolate, but for me it felt like a real moment. And I didn't manage to get a Toblerone one for myself, but I did manage to get a Reese's one that gifts me a peanut butter cup every morning and that is a very, very satisfactory substitute.
RC 1-12-25
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