People are Strange...

I must confess to feeling a little low today. A bit down. A cold may be imminent, and I am rather tired after sitting up late watching the NFL, and I did not eat well yesterday, and so lots of things are weighing on my mind a little. Plus, I have had someone who I would have considered to be a good friend let me down a little over the weekend. Nothing major, but it's tough for me when I think someone understands me and I can trust them (which has never been an easy thing for me) and then they decide they can lecture me about my own life and preach at me as if they are the highest authority on life and relationships. I reached out to him about an issue I am struggling with, and instead of listening and being supportive and helping me reach a worthwhile conclusion about my feelings and how I should proceed, he hit me with a terrible and terribly condescending attack in which he told me what I'd done wrong, and what I'm doing wrong, and exactly what I should do next. So I'm feeling a bit beaten up, emotionally, if I'm honest.
I'd like to be able to say that I think he meant well, and that it came from a place of love, but my honest opinion is that having a go at me and making me feel inadequate was a way of him making himself feel better about himself, and feel superior. I know that's a thing that we humans do - 'my life is crap and I can't control it, so I shall point out deficiencies in your life to drag you down to my level, and I shall try to control your life while floundering within my own.'
As you can probably tell, he has upset me somewhat.
I think, the thing is, I don't have many friends at all. I never have. I find it hard to trust people and I find it hard to let people get close to me, and when I do it, I find it hard to believe that it will go well. So when something like this happens, it rocks me. It also tells that untrusting, child-like part of my brain that it was right all along - keep people away because they will only disappoint and hurt you. And that makes me feel really sad.
So I'm thinking this might be an issue to discuss with a counsellor, but in the meantime I really don't know how I handle it. My inclination right now is to cut him out of my life for a while. If I'm feeling shit about something, I don't need someone to make me feel shitter. That's not how this is supposed to work. Or I could be honest and tell him how he made me feel, and how I didn't appreciate it, and hope that he accepts it with grace and that it makes our friendship stronger. But right now, being honest, I'm not even sure what our 'friendship' is. And that makes me feel really sad.

RC 29-9-25