It's becoming an annual tradition

It's strange that it's the 20th December and I still don't feel overly festive.
The weekend went so well and the families attending were full of thanks when they left us, and yet still it felt a bit flat. I'm surrounded by Christmas and I'm feeling empty of it. That's all I can say, really. I can't get to the bottom of it, I don't want to overanalyse it, and I wish I could make it stop, but I can't. And the more I think about it the harder it seems to be to turn it around. I guess keeping it in my head is giving it power and making it harder to get through. If I can somehow accept it, then ignore it, I think it might bugger off and leave me in peace and allow me to enjoy the festivities with delight and joy. That works with anxiety, and insomnia, and other depressive spells, so it should hopefully work with Christmas cheer (or the lack of it) too.
I think the problem is that we're so pressured to be bouncy and buoyant at this time of year, and it's not always easy to achieve. People always have a lot going on in their lives, and the happiness of others can sometimes accentuate your own misery, and being pushed to show enthusiasm and optimism can just push you further down into the mire. Sorry to be a December downer, but it's true. At other times of year, a little low mood might pass quicker because there's no pressure to appear cheerful, whereas a glum spell in the week before The Big Day is going to feel worse because you 'shouldn't' be feeling this way and you put extra stress on yourself trying to change it and that makes it heavier and stronger and harder to get through. I think a lot of us who are struggling a bit right now won't feel half as bad once it's the 27th and The Main Event is behind us.

RC 20-12-23