Open Eyes

Here I am, caught in the throes of insomnia for the first time in what feels like ages. I don’t know what’s set it off. Delayed reaction to a change of job, perhaps. Maybe a touch of excitement about the change to BST. Yes – that may be a big part of it. Plus, it always feels worse laying awake when you’re thinking about the fact that you should be asleep. When you’re wide awake on the night that we push the clocks forward, you know that you’ve already lost an hour from the night, and so your lack of sleep feels somehow worse and more acute. So the psychological battle with the part of me that is worrying about not sleeping is even worse than usual, and I know for a fact that the key to falling asleep is to stop thinking about the fact that you’re not falling asleep and just relax, but I can’t do that. It’s not happening. My mind is a whirling flurry of insomnia-fuelled obsession with the clock and I can hear it ticking away, even though we don’t actually have a clock that ticks.

Do I sound a little bit crazy?

Maybe – but such is the life of the night-wakers (as I have just decided to call myself and my fellow sufferers). And do you know what doesn’t help? The fact that every second where I’m NOT thinking about being awake, I’m thinking about the fact that from tomorrow we can start seeing people in their gardens again! Sophie and Hannah can both come round for a cuppa! We can go and see Ted & Beryl! IT’S SO EXCITING!!!!

Jeez – no wonder I can’t buy a ticket to SlumberVille.

RC 28-3-21