(Possible) New Job Update

I’m still no nearer knowing how I feel about my job offer. Every positive aspect I consider can be countered by a reason not to do it. I don’t know if most of that is fear based or the result of sensible consideration. I’m so mangled up inside my own head that I am starting to wish I could magically jump to next Summer so the decision was already taken and I was living with the consequences, rather than being crippled by the choice before me.
I had no intention of mentioning all this to anyone within my current company, but I did go against that yesterday and chat with one of my fellow under-managers from the East of England. I won’t name them, for fear of future reprisals against them if any of Those Above Me read this blog, but I respect them a great deal and decided to open up about the situation. Their main worry was about how my leaving might impact on their own career! The fear is that I will not be replaced, so the bosses can cut my salary from the outgoings, and the culling of our level of management will begin in earnest. That can’t be my concern, but I can see it happening. This has been rumoured for a long time – almost since the changes first happened that created these jobs in the first place - and they’ve spent the last few months trying to find ways to justify getting rid of a few of us, in favour of a more automated system, overseen by just one Area Manager.
Maybe I should be seeing that as another reason to say yes to Gavin. If my ‘superiors’ have made it plain that my job might not even exist in a year’s time, what’s the point of feeling guilty about quitting? Isn’t it better to get out now and get a head start, rather than wait for the inevitable and then have to scramble around to find something else?
The other big determining thought in all this is the teaching idea. Over lockdown, and after discussions with Mrs Chesworth, we had pretty much decided that I’d drop out of employment next Summer anyway, to spend a year training to be a teacher. That timing would seem to fit in with what my present employers are supposedly planning. If I stick it out another 9 months or so I’ll get a redundancy package and be free to start training. That almost sounds too convenient to seem true.
However…
On top of that confusion, and since that decision was discussed and decided upon, Philippa has been hormonally hijacked by a seemingly impossible-to-reason-with urge to make a sibling for Mathew. Can I consider a year of studying with the likelihood of a baby and a 2-year-old in the house? Maybe, in that case, a bright shiny new career already up-and-running before my wife gives birth again is just what the doctor ordered, and that’s another big plus on the side of making the leap.
God, this stuff is hard.

RC 19-11-20