Addicted to Conjecture

Thank you to whichever government bod was persuaded to let Premier League football return, and be played at all sorts of different times on all sorts of different days. Our sales of lager and crisps continue to break recent records, and most people buying them seem to be wearing a football shirt of some kind or other.

When the lockdown was first announced (can you believe it was over three months ago?) I thought THAT might be the moment when our alcohol aisles might be shopped dry.  With millions of people on an ‘unexpected extended holiday’ from work, and with lots of uncertainty causing lots of anxiety, and with no-one really sure how bad things would get, or who would still be alive at the end of it, I thought low-grade alcoholism would run amok. But actually, it seems to be NOW that people are turning to their chosen bottle for comfort. I suppose its a good sign – celebratory drinking is less likely to lead to long-term addiction than despair drinking, I would say.
Either way, I now need to order more stock. And it’s not just Stella and Doritos - the ice-cream freezer is emptier than a Jeremy Corbyn Supporters Club meeting. The algorithms and auto-ordering systems that The Company are determined to replace us all with can’t yet make allowances for heatwaves or TV Sport schedules, so humble Rory is still needed to keep the profits pouring in (for now, at least).

RC 26-6-20