It’s
a nice bright day today and I’m feeling buoyant.
In
celebration of “April Fool’s Day” (probably my least favourite forced annual date-of-note)
I present below a small collection of genuine, and genuinely awful, tricks that
I know for a fact have been played on this particular date, and the resulting consequences. These
all involved either me personally or people I have known.
1.
One
of the prefects at my High School told a 12-year-old girl she had to go to the
Headmaster’s Office because her mum had been murdered and she had to go home early
to help clear up the blood.
The prefect was
suspended, and stripped of his ‘Prefect’ status, and we all had to endure a
boring assembly given by a child psychologist.
2.
An
old work colleague of mine thought it would be ‘a giggle’ to convince someone
with a nut allergy that the coronation chicken sandwich they had just eaten contained
peanut oil and peanut butter.
The tricked person
went into a panic attack, which was then misinterpreted as anaphylactic shock.
Paramedics were called and they were seconds away from administering adrenalin
when the ruse was revealed.
The trickster got
fired, and a punch in the face.
3.
A
girl I had taken out for a meal on Valentine’s Day (our only date) called me on
April 1st to tell me that we’d had a one-night stand that night,
which I had forgotten due to alcohol, and that she was now pregnant with twins
and they were definitely mine.
I was halfway to
the airport with a packed case before she called me back to say “April Fool –
you just fell asleep on my sofa”
My
conclusion?
People,
generally, are stupid, uncaring bastards who think belittling, scaring and
abusing others is acceptable behaviour. April Fool’s Day is just an open
invitation for twats to behave like twats and it should be outlawed. Anyone who
finds humour and enjoyment in the degradation and humiliation of their fellow humans
should be flayed in public by a trained torturer.
RC 1-4-19
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