Five rings; three words (Winter edition)

I wouldn’t consider this some of my best work, but at least it’s finished before the Games themselves are:

Alpine skiing - Plummeting with twisting
Biathlon - Arctic drive-by shootings
Bobsleigh - Go-karting for Eskimos   
Cross-country skiing - Hiking in Winter
Curling  - shouting and sweeping
Figure skating - dancing while freezing
Halfpipe - Flip-flopping stoned gymnastics 
Ice hockey - Brawling on skates
Luge  - Formula1 without cars
Moguls - cartilage-wrecking, spine-compressing, shuffling
Nordic combined - not a clue
Skeleton - Headfirst death-wish insanity
Ski jumping - suicide with landings
Slope style -  snowy horizontal trampolining  
Snowboarding - skateboarding without wheels
Speed skating - skatey speedy circles

RC 25-2-18