Brass is a gastard

Do you remember that old joke that goes “Why did the lazy gardener water his lawn with whisky? - so the grass would grow half-cut!”?
Well in this age of digital superhighways and genetically engineered supercrops, why hasn’t someone made that come true? 
The more often I seem to get the mower out, the quicker the pissing grass seems to grow. I only cut the bloody stuff ten days ago and now the back garden’s like a jungle.
The first thing I’m doing when we buy this house outright is rip out the sod and the hedges and cover the entire property in gravel.
It might not look as pretty, but it’ll be a hell of a lot easier to keep tidy. 

RC 29-7-15