A reason to be glad I haven't left yet..

Sometimes in my position as a manager, people have a conversation with me in confidence in which they reveal delicate truths about themselves. I love it when that happens, because I get to laugh like hell about it later and then share it in this blog. Today I had the joy of talking to a man in his sixties who may have been (as we say in Norfolk) a few cans short of a six-pack. 
The conversation went something like this:
“Do you have a pharmacist I can talk to?”
“Not really. We have a pharmacy department but they only have knowledge of our products, they can’t really help you with advice or medical matters”
“Ok. Maybe you could help?”
“I doubt it. I have no understanding of those things at all. I can’t even spell paracetamol.”
“Well the thing is…. I think I might have threadworm”
At this point I took a small step away from him.
“Ok. Well I’m sorry to hear that, but as I said, I don’t know how to treat…”
“No, I don’t need advice on that. I’ve looked it up. I can buy some tablets that kill them and you just shit them out. It’s something else I wanted help with.”
“Ok” 
“Well the thing is… Before I knew what they were, when it first started itching and irritating, I used a mirror to look up my arse and I could see them wriggling about”
At this point I started looking for an excuse to run away from him.
“Because I didn’t know what they were, I panicked a bit and desperately wanted to kill them. So I grabbed some fly spray from the kitchen cabinet and sprayed it up my ringpiece.”
At this point I had to fight very hard not to burst out laughing and collapse.
“Now every time I go to the loo it feels like I’m shitting broken glass. Do you think I might have a chemical burn?”
I advised him to see his GP immediately. Then, as he slowly walked off like a parrot trying to lay an ostrich egg, I ran out into the warehouse and cried myself silly with laughter.

RC 13-8-14