Anusol is the answer

Cycling a lot in the recent good weather has given me piles again. I really should invest in some proper cycling shorts so I don’t have to suffer this agony on a monthly basis. I’ve been trying to think of the best way to describe the discomfort of haemorrhoids, and I’ve got it down to a choice of five. I can’t decide which is best so I’ll let you read them all and make your own conclusions:

“I feel like someone’s shoved a teepee up my arse”
“It’s like someone’s turned my arsehole inside out, attacked it with a cheese grater, then roughly tucked it back up again.”
“My arse is like a toilet roll tube full of blood-soaked tissue.”
“I feel like my spine is climbing out of my poo-hole”
“It’s like I’ve had an internal examination by a doctor wearing Freddie Kruegers gloves”

RC 16-10-11