"Ted, My Hero" - a story by Rory

Once upon a time, there was an unhappy little boy called Rory. He had grown up living all alone in a world of darkness, and had only recently started noticing the beautiful scenery outside. He spent his days with his thoughts in imaginary forests, while his body carried out mundane tasks in a supermarket.
One weekend, while watching the rain fall down against the window, Rory spotted two well-dressed men approaching his front door. From another room in the house his friend Philippa shouted “Don’t open the door for f**ks sake, it’s the f**king Jehovahs Witnesses.” Rory smiled to himself and continued playing Internet Scrabble, while the visitors outside tapped against the door and stood patiently in dampening socks.
After a few futile seconds, the visitors strode away from Rory’s door, and ventured instead to the path of Rory’s friend Ted.
Now Ted was a soldier, a man to be respected; a man in possession of several medals for bravery, and a furious temper as well.
When the Jehovah’s Witnesses knocked at his door he didn’t hide and cower like Rory had, he reacted in a very different way. Stepping out into the rain adorned only in slippers and a vest, he chased the visitors back down his path, waving a ceremonial curtain pole above his head and shouting obscenities in three different languages. One of the visitors was so startled that he fell over backwards in a large puddle, and soaked himself from the waist down like an evangelical Dr Foster.
As the two misguided colleagues took off round the corner like a couple of rabbits with a dog behind them, Ted waved goodbye with a curiously abusive hand gesture, then walked back to his door, where his wife Beryl met him with a kiss and a towel.
Watching from his bedroom window as his hero retreated indoors, Rory desperately wanted to cheer loudly, but couldn’t, as he was too busy pissing himself.

THE END