Oh dear

I feel odd today.
I think it's because yesterday was odd.
There was a weird atmosphere between me and Philippa all day, as we were working together but due to go out together later.
It was like a big old fat ugly elephant in the room that neither of us could bring ourselves to talk about.
As a result, the meal itself was a bit of a disaster really.
I'd spent all day trying to work out whether I should consider it a date, or a meal with a work-mate, or an evening out with my boss.
I got in such a state that instead of enjoying a relaxed evening with someone I like, I turned into a nervous wreck and barely said ten words all evening. By the time the dessert menu arrived, we sat there like a married couple whose love has died and can't find anything to say to each other.
Not exactly what I'd been hoping for.

I'm thinking of sending her an e-mail at home to apologise and try to make the situation better.
This is my draft version:
"Philippa, it wasn't you, it was me. I haven't been out with a woman for ages and I'd forgotten how to be myself in social settings. You looked lovely and the food was lovely, but i couldn't eat it and enjoy it as my guts were screwed up tighter than a nuns knickers. I drank wine to try and qwell the nerves, which was unfair because you were driving and not drinking so you couldn't have any, and you were paying for it, and it didn't work anyway as it made me even more withdrawn. Your evening must have been shit. If we do it again, I promise to be more relaxed, and better company. I'll take a bottle of Kalms or start smoking or something, and hopefully you'll see more of the person you liked enough at work to ask out for a meal, even though it was really a thank you meal rather than a date. Anyway... call me..."

I don't think there's a way I could make that e-mail worse, but if you can spot one feel free to get in touch.

RC 31-7-10