NHS F.O.

I went to the doctors today. I’ve been feeling rough as rope since last Tuesday, when I thought I was in for a cold. Everything has been hurting, my head feels like it’s full of sand and I’ve had less energy than a walrus after a long sprint in Summer.
Dr Kozhliak wasn’t available, so my appointment was with the locum, or lokum, or locom or however the hell you spell it. His name was Dr Sinclair, and he didn’t look old enough to have qualified from primary school, much less medical school. He listened, smiled and said, “Did you know lethargy and a stuffy head can be a sign of depression?”
I said “Yes, they can. They can also be a sign of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and a brain tumour, you don’t have to say it’s depression just because it’s in my case-notes.”
He smiled again, and said “Hmmmmmmmm”
He asked more questions, took my pulse, temperature and blood pressure, made me squeeze out a piss into a jar and then said “All fine. All good. I think this may be more to do with your mood, than your physical well-being.”
I said “No offence, mate, but have you got a backlog of antidepressants in the pharmacy you’re desperate to get rid of?”
We then had an exchange that got more heated and louder, until he said “Do you realise that irrational anger is often a side effect of depression?”
For the first time in my life, I told a doctor to **** off.

RC 4-6-10