Who'd have thought it?

A scandal has rocked our street! There are two old spinsters at no.50 who are occasionally seen at the bus stop or in their garden. There’s always been a suspicion that, rather than being the sisters they claim to be, they were exotic lesbian lovers or escaped gangsters molls or something similarly sinister. Well the truth is out, and it is - as it so often is - stranger than anyone could ever have imagined. The youngest sister (I’ll call her Estelle) has always maintained that her ‘frequent lonely walks’ are therapeutic and a way to exercise her arthritic hip. Not so, it seems. She has twice weekly been sexually entertaining a gentleman called Don at his allotment, unbeknown to her sister or his wife and family. It’s been ongoing for FORTY YEARS and was only discovered yesterday when a passing postman nipped behind the shed for a quick wee and wondered what the squealing and creaking was coming from the other side of the allotment. He thought a small animal had been caught in a snare. He expected to see a badger with a bleeding neck, but was shocked to discover instead a retired teacher sitting on a workbench with the silver-haired head of a pensioner bobbing about between his legs. Four decades and nobody had the faintest clue. His wife was heard to remark ‘I wondered why the nettles were so high when he spent three days a week weeding.’ Bloody marvellous. You couldn’t write it could you?

RC 20-6-09
2202 BST