I can almost see my toes again..

I had my latest fear-inducing weigh-in at Slimmers World on Friday. Cathy, a former Norfolk Slimmer Of The Year who seems to have replaced chip-induced fat with steroid-induced muscle, called me onto the scales behind Bouncing Barbara (a mouthy Northerner with ‘gland problems’) I stood in stunned disbelief as she told me that I was bang on target for my three-month goal! I’m not gonna tell you what I’ve lost, as I’d like to save it for the big reveal at work next month, but it’s impressive! Suddenly the days of abject misery and humourless hunger didn’t seem like such a hardship after all, and in a truly rare moment for me, I actually felt quite good about myself!! The other ladies in the room all clapped and congratulated me, but their eyes betrayed a burning jealousy and a dismay that I can lose it while they can’t. A little tip ladies – STOP EATING MARS BARS AND GO FOR A WALK, YOU FAT BITCHES…
Blimey – listen to me with my new-found anti-fatty wisdom.

It shows you just how over-weight I am when I can shed a load of poundage without it really showing on my body. Cathy did give some explanation about fat stores and which ones disappear first, and why you don’t immediately notice improvements, but I’d switched off by then and I was fantasising about Supernanny Jo Frost. I don’t know what it is, but that woman makes me racier than a Porsche 944. Maybe dieting can improve your sex drive after all.

RC 10-5-09
1312 BST