So far, so fat

I got myself weighed last night. Despite the break in Scotland I’ve lost two pounds this week! Although according to the wonderful woman at Slimmers World I should have lost more. “A fat bastard like you should be shedding pounds like a leper sheds skin” were her exact words. Aren’t these people there to encourage us????
The supermarket have pledged to match all donations and double them if I lose the three stone in three months, so the amount I expect to raise is nearly a thousand pounds now! More pressure on me, and pressure always makes me want to eat.. What I wouldn’t give right now for a fried sausage sandwich, dripping in melted butter, brown sauce and the yolks of two large eggs. But instead I have an apple flavour Nutri-Grain bar and a yoghurt. Life is shit when you’re dieting.
I went for a long walk this morning. Well, long for my standards anyway – down the footpath that runs behind the rubbish tip, and back past the college to the bus stop. I was sweating like a fat Greek walrus in a disco. Climbing the steps onto the no.47 for a quick lift home just about finished me off, and then I had to put up with the huffy snorts from the woman I sat next to for the journey. Admittedly, it was probably like having Pavarotti on your sofa after a 10-hour gig at La Scala, but she’s still a snooty bitch with an attitude.

RC 18-4-09
2028 BST